What to do about bankers?

The Guardian has a solution:

For years, the country's most celebrated thinkers have struggled to come up with a way to keep those pesky bankers in check. Tighter regulation? That won't work. A reduction of annual bonuses? Unlikely to change anything. A root-and-branch overhaul of the entire system, including a quantifiable focus on ethics and more punitive measures for anyone who steps out of line? Nope.

But, finally, a solution has been found. A padlocked, bulletproof, triple-checked solution that's guaranteed to stop bankers from being reckless and self-interested: oaths. That's right, according to thinktank ResPublica, bankers should have to say an oath. Out loud, too, because ResPublica is not messing about.

Of course, they're not being serious.  But a little (or a lot) of jail time might fit the bill ...

 

Quote of the day

Here:

George Osborne is the bugle boy for the "march of the makers" and wants annual exports to double to £1tn by 2020, which now appears entirely unfeasible. The coalition is presiding over a recovery without productivity gains, a recovery without pay rises, a recovery without rising tax receipts and a recovery without export growth. It's recovery, Jim, but not as we know it.

Live long and prosper?  Probably not ...

 

Media attention

If you care to look at the BBC World website or the Guardian equivalent, you will find - appropriately enough - any amount of articles on the Israel/Palestine crisis.  But the Syrian civil war and the Iraqi conflict appear to have dropped off the map.

Is it war fatigue concerning the apparently endless strife in the latter benighted countries?  Or are the media simply incapable of covering more than one Middle East crisis at a time?

   
 

The reluctant horticulturalist

The story began when I admired the mint growing profusely in a sort of pot/window box on the terrace of the bar.  My pals noted the relish with which I crumbled a mint leaf in my hands, releasing that clean fragrance which so enhances lightly-boiled new potatoes.  A day or two later, I was presented with a little pot with a mint cutting which I duly planted in the hitherto barren window box which stretches the length of the terrace of my apartment.

I confess that tending to greenery is far from my forte; usually, I need only look sideways at a plant for it to turn up its toes in disgust.  Nevertheless, this little mint plant evoked some sort of spiritual renaissance in my gardening soul and I tended it with loving care and lots of water (but only after the sun had moved round to leave the plant in the shade).  And it has thrived!  After two weeks of TLC, it has put out little offshoots and looks happy.

Reporting this magnificent progress - with an unjustified element of pride - back to the guys in the bar, they subsequently proceeded to acquire from the local market a further half dozen herbs of various denominations.  I therefore felt obliged to buy some compost to assist their taking root in my rather stony window box.  Astonished to find that a big bag (more than was necessary) cost only 1.20 euros.

So now I am the proud owner of a herb garden, comprising parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme (you can tell that we are of a certain age), as well as oregano and basil.  Somehow, a stray strawberry plant has also appeared.

So not only will my new tatties taste delightful, my ragu will be ever more flavourful.  Provided the damn things don’t die on me …

What is the world coming to? (part 35)

The Guardian reports:

Sales of Tunnock's teacakes have soared after they featured in the opening ceremony of the Commonwealth Games, a supermarket has said. Customers have been stocking up on the sweet treat after giant dancing teacakes whirled around Celtic Park, Glasgow, on Wednesday.

Waitrose said in the 24 hours following the ceremony, sales rose by 62%. 

   

Everything in the garden is wonderful, more or less

More confirmation that the UK economy is on the road to recovery:

The International Monetary Fund has raised its forecast for Britain's economic growth rate for the second time this year.

The Washington-based organisation said Britain would maintain its status as one of the world's fastest expanding major economies following a surge in growth to 3.2% by the end of the year.

The lender of last resort, which is headed by former French finance minister Christine Lagarde, uprated the UK's outlook for GDP growth by 0.4 percentage points this year and 0.2 percentage points to 2.7% next year in its latest world economic outlook.

(Not that the IMF is any better at economic prediction than anyone else.)  But still, taken together with the employment figures, things are looking reasonably rosy.  The only fly in the ointment is the failure of income figures to match inflation.

This being so, one might expect Slasher Osborne and his Tory confreres to be celebrating a recovery in the opinion polls.  On the contrary, however, Labour is maintaining a small but substantial lead of 3 to 4 percentage points, more than enough to deliver an overall majority in next year's election

Time is getting short.  Will the Tories start to panic?

   

Aaargh! It's the Green Blob ...

Worth a read - here


 

From Today to Newsnight

His smugness on  his travels.  He'll be even more pleased with himself (if that is possible).

 

Quote of the day

From Tony Blair. a man who knows all about delusionary thinking (here):

 "20 years ago we were, as now, motivated by injustice, poverty, despair and deprivation. We want society to change and actively to lift up those who are down. It begins with an analysis of the world shaped by reality not ideology, not by delusionary thoughts based on how we want the world to be, but by hard-headed examination of the world as it actually is. The same applies to how we interact with people. This has to mean real people. Not the ones you find in the committee room but the ones you find at the bus stop or the bar or the cinema."

Aye, right.  When did you last see Mr Blair standing at a bus stop?


 

The rewards of failure

I would not go so far as to suggest that the man should not be given a modest compansation for his sacking but this seems excessive:

Tesco boss Philip Clarke was brutally ousted on Monday after failing to halt a dramatic slide in sales and profits, and replaced by a little-known executive from Unilever with no retail experience.

...

Despite his failure to turn the business round, Clarke could walk away with close to £10m in cash and shares, according to proxy voting service Manifest. He has also amassed a £11.5m pension pot over his long career, and will continue to be paid his £1.1m salary for a year.

Such is modern capitalism.  The boss class win, whether or not they succeed ...

Music of the week

Nostalgia ain't what it used to be.

Noodles

How many sponsors do they need?  The Mirror reports:

Manchester United have announced yet another commercial partner as Nissin join as a global sponsor.

The deposed champions may have finished outside of Champions League places for the first time in their history but it doesn't appear to have dampened their appeal.

Just days after confirming the world record £750m endorsement deal with adidas United have added another sponsorship string to their bow.

International food brand Nissin become the club's 29th official sponsor.

Nissin makes noodles.


    

Not playing the game

More on Lord Hill, the UK's new EU Commissioner.  The Guardian reports:

British officials say his primary function in Brussels will be to build alliances, strike deals and reach consensus with his EU peers with a view to assembling support for some of the reforms Cameron hopes to achieve if he is to fight and win a referendum in 2017 keeping Britain in the EU on new terms.

No, it won't.  EU Commissioners are not appointed to represent the views of their respective Member States.  Instead, they are expected to renounce national allegiances and adopt a communautaire status where the interests of the Commission and of Europe are foremost.  Of course, that need not prevent a little national politicking on the side but that needs to be done discreetly.

Furthermore, the idea of British officials that Lord Hill's role will be to support the UK Government's aims for the referendum will simply irritate the other EU Commissioners and the European Parliament, making it even less likely for him to achieve a desirable portfolio (or even to secure his status as a Commissioner).

About time British officials learned how the European game is played.

Jobs for the boys (and girls)

Ah yes, Lord Hill, the UK's new EU Commissioner.  The New Statesman sets out the problem:

The Prime Minister is off to Brussels today in an attempt to secure a juicy job for his new man in Europe, Jonathan Hill, who was appointed European Commissioner yesterday during a big government reshuffle.

Apparently the best roles for Britain’s European Commissioner would be trade, competition, or internal market – as our brand new Defence Secretary Michael Fallon told the Today programme this morning, “it would certainly help us” if Hill were to be handed one of these three briefs. “These are portfolios of interest to us, but not just for the UK… we want to see the EU get back on the right track,” Fallon continued.

There’s just one problem for Cameron. It's the European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker who is the person who gives roles to European Commissioners, and it was Juncker about whom the PM kicked up such a fuss before he was about to take the presidency.

Including President Juncker, there will be some 28 Commissioners, one from each of the member states.  The difficulty lies in the fact that, given the Commssion's relatively restricted range of responsibilities, there are only between ten and fifteen worthwhile portfolios for allocation.  In an ideal world, therefore, there would only be ten to fifteen Commissioners.  But we have 28 and, as all the Commissioners are regarded as equal, each must have his own bailiwick; there can be no question of having a senior and a junior Commissioner working together on the same portfolio.

The current responsibilities of Commissioners are set out here.  Some of these posts are clearly sinecures, such as Digital Agenda, Research, Health, and Consumer Policy, where the Commission simply has very few functions to fulfil.  But, as each Commissioner must have his or her own Directorate-General, the number of directorates-general expands to match the number of Commissioners.

Crazy, yes, but that's the way it is. And of course each of the member states looks to gain a plum job for its own Commissioner.   In these circumstances, never mind Cameron's three favoured portfolios - Lord Hill will be doing well just to get one of the portfolios with real content.

 
 

Headline of the day

What is it about sausages that brings out the wurst in headline writers?

German sausage cartel caught bangers to rights

Wurst-case scenario for sausage makers after anti-cartel watchdog slaps down record €338m fine for price-fixing

There are worse places than Spain for a holiday

"The First Blast of the Trumpet Against the Monstruous Regiment of Women"

Does Cameron really suppose that, just because Nicky, Liz, Tina and Esther have got their knees under the cabinet table, that all will be for the best in this best of all possible worlds?

Predecessors such as Maria and Sayeeda were far from being a howling success ,,,

 

Seven - one

Likely to be the new foreign secretary?  The Guardian reports:

Philip Hammond is regarded by the top of the Conservative party as an impressive operator, who has presided over steep budget cuts, preparations for an exit from Afghanistan and a large redundancy programme at the Ministry of Defence without attracting too many negative tabloid headlines.

His grasp of detail, some might say bordering on control freakery, may have appealed to David Cameron searching for someone with the stamina to repatriate powers from Brussels and renegotiate relations with the EU. What would attract many others in the Tory party is that he is considered a staunch Eurosceptic.

...

Not the most charismatic of senior Tories, the former businessman is nevertheless known as "Big Phil" at Conservative HQ.

Aye, and look what happened when the other Big Phil came up against the Germans ...    

 

It's not going to happen

Probably impractical, but even if it were possible to re-establish a Scottish Stock Exchange, it would probably be immediately acquired by London, American or European interests.  The Guardian reports:

As the vote on independence approaches, a report shows that a notional index of 100 Scottish companies currently listed on the London Stock Exchange would have grown by 5.7% in real terms (with dividends reinvested) since 1955.

But it would have been outperformed by stocks from the rest of the UK, which rose 6.8% over the same period. The difference is due to the predominance of financial companies in the "Scotsie 100", and in particular the near collapse of Royal Bank of Scotland and HBOS in the banking crisis. Without this, it would have outperformed the UK index by a small margin.

The report, by the London Business School and consultancy Walbrook Economics, uses the location of a company's headquarters to judge whether it is Scottish or not. Apart from financial companies such as banks and investment trusts, the Scotsie index is dominated by utilities, and oil and gas companies. The largest are energy business SSE, insurer Standard Life, Royal Bank of Scotland, FTSE100 engineer Weir Group and Aggreko, the generator manufacturer.

Wot, no mention of A G Barr plc (maker of our other national drink)?  The bigger whisky companies belong to multi-nationals of course, as do most of the bigger breweries - for example Tennents is owned by the Magners company - though the Caledonian Brewery (Deuchars and Caley 80/-) remains independent.

 

Quote of the day

Trust.  Aye. well maybe.  The Observer contemplates:

Trust me, I'm a banker. Don't think so. Trust me, I'm a doctor. Did you ever work at Mid-Staffs? Trust me, I'm from the intelligence services. And what did you have to do with rendition and torture? Trust me, I'm a police officer. How many innocent people did you shoot or stitch up to today? Trust me, I'm a bishop. Catholic or Anglican? Child abuser or investor in Wonga? Trust me, I'm a supermarket. How much horse is there in your burgers? Trust me, I'm from the newspapers. When does your trial begin? Trust me, I'm from the BBC. And what did you know about Jimmy Savile? Trust me, I'm a celebrity. How much tax are you avoiding? And were you mates with Rolf Harris?

Trust me, I'm a politician. Now, you're really having a laugh.

Sad, really.

   

Quote of the day

The otherwise estimable Lucy has a balanced view of the considerations underlying the imminent referendum:

There are those who argue against it, of course. Scotland should stay just as it is! Independence, nivver darken our doors! Caledonian nationalism, like all nationalism, is a terrible idea spouted by the worst, most morally and psychologically incompetent people ever to have battered a Mars bar. Think of the ethno-chauvinism it will unleash: the small-mindedness, the petty sense of superiority, the alienation, bile and gracelessness that will wash over the land, poisoning e'en unto the last crystalline Highland spring, you sunless goons!

But I say, "Tish tosh!" to such dour preoccupations. I think the "ayes" have it right, and not just because it's short for "aye, have ye no' seen wha's in charge of England the noo? Jes' a wain, wi' a face lik' a bloated haggis an' a mind mair sleekit, cow'rin an tim'rous than any wee mousie ye ivver saw! They'll aw be greetin' afore he's done". This line is carved into every shovel currently being smuggled down to Hadrian's Wall, so that the digging can start on polling night, and the country rowed 4ft north by sun up on 19 September.

 

Look after the pennies ...

Look, I suppose they need the money.  The Telegraph reports:

One Cabinet minister has claimed the cost of paying for an 11p ruler on his expenses.

Kenneth Clarke, the Cabinet Office minister, charged the taxpayer for an 11p ruler, according to the latest release of MPs’ expenses claims.

Vince Cable, the Business Secretary, was found to have claimed 43p for scissors.

David Cameron, the Prime Minister, claimed the cost of a £4.68 glue stick and 8p for a box of clips.

Latest figures for MPs expenses revealed some of Britain’s most senior politicians, are repeatedly submitting claims for trivial items.

Triumph and disaster

Vamos muchachos!

They're getting excited:

Earth has not anything to show more fair

It's the end of an era.  I don't suppose that I would ever again have travelled on a London bus but I certainly will not now.  City AM  reports:

London buses will no longer accept fares paid in cash in a move that Transport for London (TfL) says will save the capital £24m a year.

From today, passengers will only be able to pay for bus fares using an Oyster card, contactless credit or debit card or travelcard ticket.

It also means that most of the jokes in this fine rendition will be meaningless to those of tender years:

Quote of the day

From Rawnsley in The Observer (here):

David Cameron once grasped that its reputation as a party of the rich was a serious impediment to the Tories. In opposition, when he was trying to give his party a detox and present himself as a different kind of Tory leader, he made several speeches challenging big business, attacking high finance and swearing that he would never be the mouthpiece for either of them.

In the wake of the financial crisis, he went so far as to deplore "markets without morality", rhetoric that could fit snugly into any of Mr Miliband's speeches arguing for a new form of more responsible capitalism.

Now Mr Cameron hosts fundraisers heaving with financial speculators. Perhaps he never really believed a word of it when he used to denounce them. Perhaps he has concluded that the public belief that the Tories are "the party of the rich" is just too indelible for him to shift. So he might as well make his cynical, if demeaning, best of it by stuffing his party's campaign war chest with cheques from Russian bankers who think a game of tennis with him is worth 160 grand.

   

Music of the week

A reminder to men everywhere not to take their spouses lightly.

How the City gets it wrong

CityAM reports:

PUB AND brewing giant Greene King yesterday reported record annual sales and profit.

The company said its revenues were up 6.9 per cent to £1.3bn and its pre-tax profit was up 7.4 per cent to £158.2m.

The group added 48 new sites during the year as part of a five-year plan to increase its estate to 1,100.

Following the acquisitions, profit for the retail business grew 12 per cent compared to the prior year.

But the City thought it should have done better.  As a result:

Shares in FTSE 250-quoted Greene King fell 3.6 per cent yesterday to close at 816.5p.

A not atypical over-reaction.  They don't recognise a good thing when it stares them in the face.  But, as I used to enjoy a pint of Belhaven (now owned by Greene King), I have put my money where my mouth is and bought some shares,  We will see - over the next few days and weeks - if my bet is justified.

 
Update:  After the market has been open for 40 minutes, the shares are now priced at 830 pence, an increase of 1.65%, which is enough to give me a modest capital gain (even after allowing for stamp duty and admin fees).  Now do I take my modest profit?  Or hang on for better things?  The latter, I think, comfortable in the knowledge that the shares will in any case deliver annual dividends of over 3%.

Further update:  Share price now (9.22 am) over 840p.

This is becoming boring:

   

Cartoon of the day

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/cartoon/2014/jul/03/george-osborne-avoiding-maths-question-steve-bell

Whoring?

Is there anything these guys will not do for money?  The Guardian reports:

A game of tennis with David Cameron and Boris Johnson has been sold off by the Conservative party for £160,000 to the banker wife of a former minister in Vladimir Putin's government.

The extraordinary prize was the star lot at the Conservative party's summer fundraising ball on Wednesday at the Hurlingham Club, Fulham, west London, and was billed as giving the successful bidder the chance to play "the ultimate tennis match". The auction winner was Lubov Chernukhin, the wife of Vladimir Chernukhin, who was Russia's deputy finance minister during Putin's first term in office.

She is a banker, and according to Electoral Commission records had once been declared an "impermissible donor" in April 2012 when she attempted to give £10,000 to the party. However, since then Lubov Chernukhin – who is British – has made a further three donations worth a total of £5,500, which have all been accepted.

 

Aeroplanes

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his soul"

Though TB's soul was probably lost a long time ago.  But he'd better have a long spoon handy.  The Guardian reports:

Tony Blair has agreed to advise the Egyptian president, Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, who came to power in a military coup last year, as part of a programme funded by the United Arab Emirates that has promised to deliver huge "business opportunities" to those involved, the Guardian has learned.

The former prime minister, now Middle East peace envoy, who supported the coup against Egypt's elected president Mohamed Morsi, is to give Sisi advice on "economic reform" in collaboration with a UAE-financed taskforce in Cairo – a decision criticised by one former ally.

The UAE taskforce is being run by the management consultancy Strategy&, formerly Booz and Co, now part of PricewaterhouseCoopers, to attract investment into Egypt's crisis-ridden economy at a forthcoming Egypt donors' conference sponsored by the oil-rich UAE, Kuwait and Saudi Arabia.

Blair's decision to become involved in Gulf-financed support of the Sisi regime, which is estimated to have killed more than 2,500 protesters and jailed more than 20,000 over the past year, has been attacked.

Quote of the day

From The Guardian (here):

In a gesture as eloquent as it was symbolic (or as empty as it was crass), Ukip's 24 MEPs turned their backs on the EU's flag and unofficial anthem during the opening session of the European parliament in Strasbourg on Tuesday. As a chamber orchestra played Beethoven's Ode to Joy, Britain's largest single contingent of Euro-parliamentarians stood solemnly facing the other way, looking defiant and ever so slightly silly.

Bunch of fruitcakes.

It's a tough old life

As a result of one of the many minor miracles of modern technology, I have added a widget to this blog.  If you look at the top right-hand corner, you may discern a small box showing the current temperature (in Fahrenheit, as I still think in old money) of my local community.  At present, despite it being after 9 o'clock, it is still well over 70 degrees.

This is, nevertheless, a welcome diminution from the temperatures of earlier this afternoon, when it was over 90.  Great, if all you have to do is sit in the sun by the swimming pool or drink beer under the umbrellas on the terrace of the local bar.  Not so much fun if you have to trek round the supermarket or deal with the ever increasing mound of ironing.

Still, mustn't grumble ...

 

Procrastination

It's official.  The answer to the West Lothian Question is to stop asking it,  Or so the coalition government believes.  The Guardian reports:

Plans to restrict the voting rights of Scottish MPs at Westminster have been scrapped after splits emerged in the UK government before September's independence referendum.

Senior sources say the coalition has dropped plans to tackle the so-called West Lothian question because of fears it could fuel Scottish resentment, but also because the Tories and Lib Dems cannot agree on whether voting restrictions on MPs are fair.

Moves to restrict Scottish MPs' votes – by limiting their rights to vote on England-only legislation – have also been fought off by Labour and by senior Lib Dem figures, who plan to increase devolution to major cities and regions within England.

Nevertheless, I rather doubt if the issue will go quietly to bed.

Who made what?

The distribution formula depends partly on results and partly on the size of the home market.  As ever, and to misquote Voltaire, God may not be on the side of the big battalions, but UEFA certainly appears to be.

   

Hungry

Diplomatic language

The Poles were supposed to be our allies in Europe but Cameron appears to have lost them.  The Guardian reports:

The gulf between Britain and its key European allies has been highlighted by the leaking of an expletive-laden transcript of secretly taped conversations in which the Polish foreign minister accuses David Cameron of having "fucked up" his handling of the EU.

As the prime minister braced himself for an embarrassing defeat on Friday in his campaign to block Jean-Claude Juncker from becoming European commission president, Downing Street was forced to defend Cameron's handling of the EU after he was accused of resorting to "stupid propaganda" to appease Eurosceptics. Radoslaw Sikorski, the Polish foreign minister, who is close to many senior Tories and who as an Oxford University student was a member of the Bullingdon Club at the same time as Boris Johnson, made the comments in a conversation with the former Polish finance minister Jacek Rostowski.

In a conversation that may have been related to Cameron's plans to curb EU migrants' access to benefits or to his plans to restrict freedom of movement, Sikorski is quoted as saying: "It's either a very badly thought-through move or, not for the first time, a kind of incompetence in European affairs. Remember? He fucked up the fiscal pact. He fucked it up – simple as that. He is not interested. He does not get it. He believes in the stupid propaganda. He stupidly tries to play the system."

On the tape, printed in Monday's edition of the news magazine Wprost, Sikorski is quoted as criticising what he sees as Cameron's attempt to appease British Eurosceptics with soundbites. "You know, his whole strategy of feeding them scraps in order to satisfy them is, just as I predicted, turning against him; he should have said, 'Fuck off,' tried to convince people and isolate [the sceptics]. But he ceded the field to those that are now embarrassing him."

In another secretly taped conversation, the spokesman for the Polish prime minister, Donald Tusk, claims Tusk "fucked him [Cameron] up good" during a conversation with the British prime minister over plans to curb access to benefits in the UK. The tapes were leaked as Cameron acknowledged that he was on course to lose his battle to prevent Juncker from being nominated by EU leaders as the next European commission president at a summit in Brussels later this week.

If this is what the Poles are saying, imagine the conversation in Madrid, Rome, Paris and Brussels.

Conversation of the week

From The Telegraph (here):

“FOR you, Dave, the World Cup is over,” said Angela Merkel. “Now the triumph of our glorious team, die deutsche Fussballnationalmannschaft, is inevitable. I think, maybe, you should learn from that.”

“Well, we’ve got a very young team, Madam Chancellor,” said Dave. “I’m sure we’ll do better next time.”

“Oh, Dave … Dave,” said the most powerful leader in Europe, almost regretfully, as if talking to a small boy so pathetically stupid that he could not be blamed for his painfully obvious failings, “are you not aware of what Gary Lineker once said?”

“Was it something about Walker’s crisps?”

“No, Dave, it had nothing to do with mass-produced schnackfoods. Herr Lineker observed that football is a simple game in which 22 men chase a ball for 90 minutes and in the end the Germans always win. Exactly the same principle applies to European Union politics. Twenty-eight member states pursue their own national interests and in the end we Germans always get what we want.”

And don't mention the war ...

 

Quote of the day

Tweet twoo.  Now that the Labour Party has promised owls for everyone, The New Statesman has some questions:

Who-whoo do I contact if my owl is defective? Will I have to raise my owl from a chick, feeding it tiny little gross bits of mouse and mince, or will it be presented to me personally by the council on the day Miliband swoops into power? Will the unemployed have to turn up at the Raptor Centre twice a week in order to keep their owl? How long will asylum seekers have to wait until they receive an owl of their own? What if some people, perhaps because of cultural differences, might prefer a different bird of prey, say a buzzard or a crested goshawk? Will small boys in Northern towns be allowed to keep their kestrels? If we must have an owl, can we choose what kind?  The public demands answers.

 

Fanning the flames

A sensible suggestion?  If you had booked a foreign holiday and were waiting for a passport, what would you think?  The Guardian reports:

People caught up in the passport backlog should consider holidaying in Britain instead of going abroad, the tourism minister, Helen Grant, has said.

And, just to rub salt in the wound, Ms Grant - the Marie Antoinette of Westminster - is at present in Brazil for the World Cup.

 

Eats shoots and leaves

Overheard in an Edinburgh pub:

“Who is this Mr Li Keqiang then?  And why does he want the UK to remain united?  He’s the bloke that sent us they pandas in the zoo.

And why does he care about oor referendum?  Mebbes he’s worried about how the pandas will get along under big Alex without a Union Flag above their enclosure.  Ah mean, the Scottish government could impose a massive import tax on bamboo shoots.

Still, Ah’m a wee bit bothered by all these furriners tellin’ us what tae dae.  If it’s no Mr Li, it’s yon Hillary or that Argentinian guy in Rome.  Take it as a sign of how important our wee nation is to the future of the world.  If we didnae matter, people like Obama  widnae keep bangin’ on aboot it.

Aye, and that nippy-sweetie Nicola’s gone and published a constitution n’all.  So we’ll ken whit the government can and cannae dae in our brave new world.

It’s no gonnae help us get tae the World Cup, is it?  Look it’s independence we’re after - we’re  no gonnae achieve miracles.

Music of the week

From the days when rock was fun.  Turn the volume up, plug in the headphones, and maybe bop a little:

World Cup on telly

BBC or ITV?  In an anti-competitive cartel-like arrangement, the matches have been carved up between the two national broadcasters so that the punters are obliged to put up with the idiocies of both.  The Observer comments:

The BBC has settled on their first-choice lineup: Gary Lineker and his trusted sidekick Alan Shearer, joined by new faces Henry and Rio Ferdinand. Everything about their production is as smooth as the Stevie Wonder track that plays over the opening titles. All is polished and shiny: Lineker's shoes, the studio floor, Shearer's crotch.

…

On the BBC, there is deferential genuflection towards Henry, whose cardigans are set to become as iconic as José Mourinho's overcoat. On ITV, a Fast Show-style "Ted and Ralph" dynamic is developing between Chiles and Cannavaro. "The four of us are going for a dip after this is finished," announced Chiles on Friday. "I hope you've got your trunks on underneath there, Fabio."

Cannavaro smiled beatifically and said nothing. Not for the first time, he didn't seem to know what Chiles was going on about.

For entertainment value, try counting the number of times Andy Townsend refers to “a little bit” (as in “they need to pull themselves together a little bit” or “he’s a little bit one-paced”).  That is, when he remembers to speak into the microphone.

They wiz robbed!

Quote of the day

From El Pais (here):

El gran campeón se desangró en su regreso a la escena que le hizo legendario y se llevó una zurra monumental tras un partido de los que dejan boquiabierto al universo. Peor que la peor pesadilla imaginable para una España que jamás desde 2008 había recibido en Eurocopa o Mundial más de un gol. En Bahía, el colapso fue total, un infierno. Un cataclismo en toda regla. España recibió una descarga holandesa de las que hacen época y en un caótico segundo tiempo acabó en el lodo. Y pudo ser mucho peor. El castañazo, con esa diferencia de goles, deja a España con un camino con mucho más que espinas. Su pase al segundo tramo del campeonato peligra a la primera.

(My emphasis)

Tension mounts

Marina endeavours to resist the creeping optimism:

A dodgy brown pitch is a boon to England, isn't it? We can't pass anyway, so it couldn't matter less to us, but if the Italians can't pass on it, and if they cleave to their traditions of slow tournament starts with a draw, and we … but no. Oh my God, no. I can feel a stirring, even though I know that way madness lies. It starts with allowing yourself to read the phrase "green crystals", and quickly mushrooms to you becoming an expert on tropical fungus. Suddenly, you're speculating about a draw with Uruguay and beating Costa Rica 2-0, and plotting routes to the quarters. But you know, you have to think that we could beat whatever winner or runner-up Group C shakes down out of Colombia, Greece, Japan or Ivory Coast, don't you? Don't you?

Must … stay … strong. I'm sorry. We'll wind up here, so I can avail myself of a Post-it note – a thousand Post-it notes, perhaps, to be stuck anywhere I might look over the next few days – on which I will write a friend's most treasured footballing crutch: ENGLAND HAVE NEVER BEATEN A MAJOR FOOTBALL POWER IN A WORLD CUP KNOCKOUT MATCH ON FOREIGN SOIL.

Sometimes, you have to feel sorry for the English ...

 

Everybody has a view

Not a good week for the Yes campaign, with interventions by President Obama, Hillary Clinton and JK Rowling, and now - arguably - the Pope.

Anyone else want to join in?  Prince Charles, Roy Hodgson, Angelina Jolie?  Might as well get the outside interventions over with ...

   

Do they know what they're doing?

Obviously not.  CityAM reports:

It is astonishing how quickly policy-makers have been performing U-turns, and then U-U-turns on all of this. During the bubble, the establishment was absurdly relaxed about high loan to value mortgages, including some at well over 100 per cent; they were equally happy with people who borrowed many times their income. Then came the financial crisis, and the inevitable backlash. The regulations were changed and banks were forced to hold much more capital, drastically reducing their incentive to extend mortgages with low or no deposits. Their own beefed-up risk assessment systems also made them much more reluctant to lend out too much on the back of uncertain collateral, especially when house prices were still falling.

But the government gradually began to realise what it had done, and panicked. It started shouting at the banks, and when that didn’t work launched a number of initiatives to subsidise credit, including with help to buy. Its right hand sought to undo the impact of the regulatory changes that its left hand had pushed through; it was the very opposite of joined-up government.

All seemed well for a while – until the government started to panic again. House prices were rising too fast. The two main state-backed banks suddenly pushed through a maximum loan to earnings cap of four times on homes worth £500k or more. But the real U-U-U-turn came last night, with Osborne giving the Bank of England the power to cap loans, even though the Old Lady of Threadneedle Street had previously said that it didn’t actually want to be given such authority.

Government by lurch, over-correction, then back to lurch.

FIFA

Cameron's dream

The Telegraph reports:

For the first time in his political life, Dave had a sense of “the vision thing”. People accused him of lacking inspiration. He was pretty good at seeming like an affable, reasonably competent sort of chap. But he’d never had a dream that would inspire the average man or woman in the street.

Now, though, he was on to something. Three times in the past, Tory prime ministers had delivered an entire continent from the yoke of tyranny. Lord Liverpool had saved Europe from Napoleon. Churchill had saved Europe from Hitler. Now he, Dave, would save Europe from Juncker.

He would stand up before the British people and say, “I won’t allow this federalist nonentity from Luxembourg to condemn us to standardised bananas and vast hordes of invading Bulgarians. I will argue for a marginally reformed Europe that still lets Germany call the shots, while giving us a few meaningless opt-outs that the French don’t object to.”

“And if that’s not a dream,” he thought, “I don’t know what is.”

Sad but true.

Quote of the day

From The Guardian (here):

IMF head Christine Lagarde ruled herself out of the race for the presidency of the European Commission. Here is her response in full.

"I'm not a candidate and the reason I'm not a candidate is that I have a job. It's a job that I happen to think is rather important at the moment, which the United Kingdom was kind enough to support me for at the time, which I have to do and which I intend to complete. 

As my young son would have said: 'Mum when you start something you've got to finish the job'.

Sensible woman.

Rockall

Rockall, a hitherto uninhabited island in the Atlantic some 300 miles west of Scotland, has been occupied by an Englishman.  Ownership of the rock is a matter of dispute among the UK, Ireland and Denmark (on behalf of the Faeroes),

But, according to the Island of Rockall Act 1972, it is a part of Scotland (specifically, part of Inverness-shire).  Accordingly, if Scotland were to gain its independence, it could be the start of a Scottish Empire.

Does it matter?  Probably not.  According to the UN Law of the Sea, the rights to economic exploitation of the seas around uninhabited islands are severely limited.

The Gracious Address

The Guardian sums up the Queen's Speech:

So, what have the undynamic duo Cameron and Clegg got planned for us? Hold on to your hat!

Hat held. Changes to pension annuities!

The ones that were announced in the Budget? Yes.

Three months ago? In March? Yes. And alterations to the funding of workplace pensions.

Anything besides changes to bloody pensions? A new state-funded childcare subsidy replacing the existing employer-subsidised scheme.

Ah, does it benefit poorer households? No.

So nothing new there. What else? Reforms! To speed up infrastructure projects, including measures to allow fracking firms to run pipelines on private land without prior permission.

I'm still not overwhelmed by the novelty. Five pence charges for carrier bags in shops?

As announced at last year's Lib Dem conference? Do you see where I'm going with this? No. Also: "This Queen's speech is unashamedly pro-work, pro-business and pro-aspiration." Cameron said so.

As opposed to all those other speeches that are anti-work, anti-business and pro-groping about in gutters? Gosh, yes, that is new. You see? All is well. All is well.

No wonder a pageboy fainted.

Music of the week

My critics have suggested that I am an irredeemably soppy old romantic.  They are probably right.

Jumping the gun

The Independent appears to think that it will be straightforward:

The Scottish referendum in September. This is possibly the most important event of Cameron’s time as Prime Minister. The official campaign, during which spending limits apply, started on Friday. All politicians say that there is no room for complacency. This invites the question: why does complacency take up so much space? You might have thought that neurotic anxiety about imminent defeat would need a clear area for pacing up and down. Still, I am not a politician, and my complacency is quite compact: I think Scotland will vote to stay in the United Kingdom.

If so, that would be a great vindication for Cameron. He will be recognised as an astute judge of high politics, which he hasn’t always been. This is not the place to list all his errors, but he got the initial response to the banking crisis wrong; he allowed Nick Clegg to sabotage the boundary changes that would have equalised constituencies; and he cut the top rate of income tax, fatally undermining the Government’s “all in it together” rhetoric.

But if Scotland votes to stay in the UK, all that will fade a little against the brilliance of his triumph. His assessment that he could not be seen to stand in the way of the Scottish people will, after the event, be regarded as obviously right. I do not see how any prime minister could have refused to allow the referendum to take place, but a different one might have tried to delay it or to impose conditions. Cameron seems to me – although what do I know? I’m Scottish but I don’t live in Scotland – to have handled it exactly right. His tone has been respectful, statesmanlike and reasonable.

Aye, vindication would be a wondrous thing.  But what if the yes vote carries the day?  Then it will be goodnight sweet prince.  And, even more probably, what if the no vote sneaks home by only a whisker?  Then the prospect of neverendum looms.

In the circumstances, it might be wise to avoid counting chickens ...

At last

So the Edinburgh trams are finally up and running:



I see that my senior citizen's buspass will allow me free travel on the trams - so doubtless the early months will provide endless opportunities for me and my fellow oldies to have a hurl.

It would be churlish to dwell upon the cost of the system.