Guilty as charged

When I was a bit younger, record players used to have a facility known as a graphic sound equaliser. I never really understood them and, after some initial twiddling about, ignored them. The same applied to woofers and tweeters.

Today, my washing machine has twelve settings, as well as various options such as 'rinse hold' (which I think I understand). Nevertheless, I only ever use one setting: it makes the clothes clean and does not cause the colours to run from deep colours to my whites. What else does one need from a washing machine?

I dare not buy the modern equivalent of a video recorder - far too complex for a simpleton like me.

But still they complain. The Independent reports:

The nationwide poll of 3,000 people revealed although consumers made the most of their traditional electrics - such as microwaves and washing machines - half the functions on their higher-tech gadgets were left idle.
Expensive new high-definition (HD) TVs proved particularly costly, with nearly half (47%) of those surveyed unaware an HD TV needs to be connected to an HD set-top box to see the benefits. Two per cent even believed you needed to be born with HD Ready eyesight to watch the new format.

Ha ha, very funny, you techie types can be patronising bastards.

Well sorry I bought your stupid machines. Who needs all these fancy functions anyway? And if you didn't make them so complicated, I might understand them.

(Editor: Reading the instructions might help.)