Footballing neologisms

This season's fashion:

"to work the goalkeeper" - to force the goalkeeper to make a save.

(You didn't know that to work was a transitive verb? Well you learn something every day.)

"to put one's foot through the ball" - to have a shot at goal.

(No, it does not mean that the ball has burst.)


Now obsolescent (perhaps even obsolete):

"to have a great engine" - said of a player able to run up and down the field for the entire game (invariably to no great effect).

Oh Eric - what have you done?

Why would you do it? How could you do it? Turn down £2.3 million, I mean. There go the extra Lamborghini and the villa in the Bahamas.

And yes I know that some of your peers have done likewise. And yes the amount would be substantially diminished by income tax. And it was shares rather than cash. And you will continue to be handsomely remunerated, beyond the wildest dreams of we peasants. But still ...

I can only suppose that it illustrates the different world in which the top bankers live. To accept a bonus of £2.3 million might arouse envy, even fury, on the part of your fellow citizens; but we can understand it. Wouldn't we all like to be in that position? But to turn it down evokes only incomprehension - how can you be so rich that a couple of million plus can be tossed aside so lightly?

And the crucial questions: how did you tell your wife and what did she say?

The raging paranoid?

So the Prime Minister may sometimes be grumpy. He gets upset. He shouts and swears at the prima donnas of the No 10 staff. He throws papers and mobile phones about. Sometimes, he appears to threaten violence (although nobody is suggesting that he has actually thumped anyone). In short, he may not be a very nice person. Not the kind of boss you'd prefer if you had a choice.

But what's new? Where's the smoking gun? Is this a game-changing development? I rather doubt it.

I don't suppose that Alex Salmond is entirely angelic and forgiving when it comes to dealing with his staff. And Mrs Thatcher was renowned for treating her cabinet as the vegetables some of them undoubtedly were. Perhaps you prefer the sleekit approach of a Tony Blair who devolved his disciplinary duties to the thuggish Campbells of this world. Cameron? It remains to be seen, but Tories who get on his wrong side are already living to regret it.

You don't get to the top of the greasy political pole by being a nice guy.

Move along now.

Gone to valhalla in the sky

So farewell Al Haig, the cold war warrior's champion. Maybe you were not quite as frightening as you were painted - Dr Strangelove you were not. But it was terrifying enough to think that your finger was anywhere near the nuclear trigger.

(We used to worry about these sort of things in those days.)

Sloganising

"A future fair for all"

A touch of alliteration - perhaps a bit hackneyed but probably excusable in this context.

But should there not be some punctuation between "future" and "fair"; a semi-colon perhaps? Otherwise, it may imply that we are all going to a funfair at some future point in time.

Does it mean anything? How can the future be fair for all, while some of us will continue to have to scrimp and save in order to keep our heads above the incoming economic tides while others are permitted to retain their seven figure bonuses? And all this happened under the Labour watch of the last 12 years and will inevitably continue if they succeed at the general election. For that is the big question - we know that the Tories don't give a toss about fairness. Does Labour?

Winter Games

I have always regarded the pastime of sliding down icy hills - whether on sticks or tea trays - as suitable only for children under the age of eleven.

But, in a general spirit of patriotic benificence, I wish this tea tray lady well, even if there are those who would consider her to be daft as a brush.

Same old Tories (part 2)

Does anyone really believe that Davey Cameron watches darts on the telly while pulling on a can of guinness?

Thought not ...

Same old Tories

Cameron may have tried to convey the message that the Tories were human beings but he is constantly being let down by his backbenchers. The Guardian reports:

The veteran Tory MP Sir Nicholas Winterton was under fire tonight after arguing that MPs should be allowed to claim expenses for first-class tickets because standard coaches are for "a totally different type of people". After declaring himself "infuriated" with proposals from the new expenses watchdog to ban payments for first-class tickets during a magazine interview, the MP for Macclesfield told a radio interviewer that people travelling on standard tickets were "in a different walk of life" and their children might disturb an MP's work.

No indication that Winterton has any understanding that he owes his job and his first class ticket to those in cattle class.

Quote of the day

Locked together, the stately minuet continues; the US can't stop borrowing and China can't stop lending. As Heather Stewart in The Guardian points out:

"China is America's paymaster. But at the same time, as the saying goes, if you owe the bank $100, it's your problem; if you owe the bank $100m, it's the bank's problem. The US owes China more than $800bn.

Stability of a sort, I guess.

Gatto in umido a la toscana

Pussy lovers beware. The Italians are after your cats:

As his fellow-presenter, Elisa Isoardi, looked on aghast, the 77-year-old Bigazzi told viewers that, far from being a last resort in times of near-famine, gatto in umido was "one of the great dishes of the Valdarno [in Tuscany]".
The secret, he disclosed, was to leave the cat in a fast-running stream for three days. "What comes out is a delicacy", he enthused. "Many a time I've eaten its white meat."
Isoardi, herself a cat owner, tried to interrupt, but to no avail. Cat in a thick sauce was "better than chicken, rabbit or pigeon", he said.

And no, I don't know where to find the recipe ...

Out of the frying pan ...

Fiona Hyslop, the Minister with the reverse Midas' touch - everything she touches turns to dross. After all her unhappy experiences as education secretary, she might have expected an easier billet at external affairs.

This week, she is visiting Malawi. As the press release states:

As well as visiting projects being undertaken by the Scottish-based non-governmental organisations, whose work the Scottish Government supports, Ms Hyslop will meet Malawian Ministers to reaffirm this Government's commitment to working together on shared priorities.

Uncontroversial, yes? Well no actually. Today's Guardian reveals that Malawi is not necessarily the kind of nation state with which Scotland should be associated:

Police in Malawi have launched an operation to hunt down and arrest high-profile gays and lesbians in the southern African state.
..
Dave Chingwalu, a spokesman for police in Malawi, said a 60-year-old man was arrested yesterday and charged with sodomy. Chingwalu said he received a complaint from a young man that he had been asked to undress by the older man and was then sodomised. Police investigations had uncovered a network of high-profile people involved homosexual acts, investigations were under way "and we will arrest them all", Chingwalu said.

Does the Scottish Government really want to re=affirm its commitment to working together on shared priorities? Will the Scottish Government condemn the illiberal homophobic actions of the Malawi Government? And should not Ms Hyslop be carrying a bell around with her?

These Tory posters

The modern way of making war

Contrary to traditional practice, it is necessary to make clear, well in advance, where it is proposed to attack. When you do attack, do so with overwhelming force - operation Moshtarak involves some 15,000 NATO and Afghan troops, as against less than 1000 Taliban.

This does of course mean that the majority of the Taliban will melt away before the fighting starts, leaving only token resistance (although, unfortunately, there will still be a few casualties). Nevertheless, the allies should be able to achieve their immediate objectives without excessive difficulty, enabling the commanders to make suitable comments to the media about the favourable progress. Furthermore, the media will get lots of pictures of helicopter gunships and soldiers dressed in battlegear.

In the longer term, it may be difficult to hold on to the areas that have been seized. But that can be left to the Afghan troops and the Afghan police. But, by then, the media cameras will have moved on, while the American and British troops will have returned to base. The name of Marjah can once again be consigned to forgotten history.

Because it's appearances that matter, isn't it?

The judgement call

It's a shame really. Unlike real people, politicians simply cannot admit that they have made a mistake, accept a rap on the knuckles and then request that we all move on. For if you concede that you erred, you would have to resign, and then it's cheerio to the Ministerial limo and all the trappings of office.

Mind you, what was the otherwise saintly Nicola thinking of? She was doing so well - my spies in the health department tell me she was one of the more sensible ministers (whereas some of them are completely off the wall) = and would have been unchallengeable as Eck's successor when the country grew tired of the latter's bluster and bombast. To lose it all for a petty fraudster seems such an ignoble outcome.

Quote of the day

Miliband and Johnson (not waving but drowning) in a letter to The Guardian:

"The allegation that our security and intelligence agencies have licence to collude in torture is disgraceful, untrue and one that we vigorously deny."

Tell it to the Appeal Court.

Don't blame the Germans ...

... at least not entirely. As The Guardian reports:

The conservative Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, a supporter of the Merkel centre-right coalition, put it like this on its frontpage: "The Greeks are taking to the streets to protest against raising the retirement age from 61 to 63. Are the Germans now supposed to work until 69 and not 67 so the Greeks can enjoy early retirement?"

And do we really want the Germans to provide Greece (and Portugal, Spain and Italy) with financial loans and guarantees if that means their economies being run from Berlin? While Rumpy-Pumpy, Barroso and Sarkozy run about like headless chickens, it is perhaps just as well that Angie is the coolest head on the block.

The story goes on.

Unanswerable questions (part 28)

Why am I unable to read the reports by the British media about the financial problems of the Greeks (and the other PIGS) without harbouring a deep suspicion that those media are desperate, utterly mind-numbingly desperate, to see the euro fail?

Playing games

Hey, it's no big deal. The Independent reports:

Gordon Brown is braced for a Labour rebellion today against moves to scrap the first-past-the-post voting system.
...
As many as 40 Labour MPs are understood to oppose strongly Mr Brown's belief that first-past-the-post should be replaced by the alternative vote (AV), under which candidates are ranked in order of preference.

Even if it were to go through before the election (which is a fairly big if), it would only lead to a referendum in October 2011 (provided an incoming Tory Government did not kill it off altogether). In any case, the introduction of AV would only have a marginal effect on the number of seats changing hands.

Furthermore, there is considerable doubt as to whether Gordon Brown cares about AV. Arguably, he is more interested in cosying up to the LibDems and making the Tories look obstructionist. Would he actually hold the proposed referendum? Chances are that we'll never know.

Cynical? You bet!

More pedantry

Oliver Kamm appears to think that Jim Devine might (or perhaps should) know the difference between "refute" and "deny".

As if ...

Of plasma tvs and sofas, and shooting pals doing up flats

Is that it then? The Westminster Four (plus maybe one or two more) have to face the music, having been caught, allegedly, bang to rights. But what about the rest of them?

Take this guy for example. Is he treading a very fine line or is he a highland dancer? But despite claiming over £84,000 over four years, he appears to have got away it by repaying a relatively modest £5181.56. No further action appears to be contemplated.

Here is another one. His apparently clean bill of healthy cost him the measly repayment of £766.92. Again, no further action appears to be contemplated.

Do they deserve to be re-elected in the general election? That is a matter for their constituents. I have to be careful what I say.

How stupid can you get?

Keep your mouth shut, Jim! Stop digging holes. Don't you have legal counsel? The Scotsman reports:

SCOTTISH MP Jim Devine has admitted submitting false receipts for a stationery claim of £5,500 that will see him brought before a court on criminal charges.
He stands accused of using fake invoices to claim £3,240 for cleaning services in his second home between July 2008 and April 2009, as well as £5,500 for office stationery claimed last March.The Labour MP for Livingston, who has already been deselected by his party, denies the two charges against him.
But last night, in an interview with Channel 4 News, he accepted the receipts he submitted for stationery were bogus and that the money was intended to help pay for staffing costs.

There was a time when MPs were expected to have a modicum of common sense.

The evil drink

The New York Times, of all the world's newspapers, has discovered Buckie (not to mention Coatbridge):

COATBRIDGE, Scotland — What is it about Buckfast Tonic Wine that makes it so alluring to consumers and yet so repulsive to politicians?
Perhaps it is its special caffeine-and-sweet-wine recipe, which allows overly enthusiastic consumers to be tipsy and bouncy at the same time. Perhaps it is its array of snappy nicknames, including “Wreck the Hoose Juice” — hoose being a Scottish pronunciation of house — or its exotic provenance as the product of wine-making Benedictine monks at an abbey in England.
Whatever the cause, Buckfast has emerged as a symbol of Scotland’s entrenched drinking problems at a time when it is urgently debating how to address them. “For a large section of the Scottish population, their relationship with alcohol is damaging and harmful — to individuals, families, communities and to Scotland as a nation,” the Scottish government said in a recent report.

New danger

Sensible Tesco (here):

Christine Cuddihy, 24, was stunned to be asked for ID at the Tesco till before being allowed to buy the 51p snack.
‘The girl told me, “You don’t look over 21. I need to see some proof of age”,’ she said. ‘I told her I was certain the proof of age laws do not apply to quiche but she said, “We have to be really strict now and this applies to quiche bought over the counter”.

Dangerous things, quiches. Addictive, depressing, eggy. And real men don't eat them, of course.

A sudden fit of morality

I confess that I do not understand all this fuss about an English footballer's affair with an underwear model. Is that not what modern footballers do, along with wasting their easy-earned pennies on swish cars and inappropriate mansions?

It's not as though similar sinners in other trades and professions are immediately cast into the pit of outer darkness. Neither John Major nor Robin Cook suffered undue opprobrium (amazement yes); while Antonia Fraser appears to boast about it. And that judge that had it away with his cleaner is still, as far as I am aware, a judge. Even journalists have been known to play away from home, but that does not prevent them from subsequently becoming Mayor of London.

All very curious ...

Quote of the day

Roger Federer (here):

“He’s in his second grand-slam final now and I think the first one’s always a bit tougher than the second one,” he said. “Now that he didn’t win the first one, I think it doesn’t help for the second one around. Plus he’s playing, you know, me, who’s won many grand-slams and has been able to win here three times, so I know what it takes and how to do it, which is definitely an advantage.
“I don’t feel the pressure’s really on me having to do it again because I did it before. I think he really needs it more than I do, so the pressure’s bigger on him. We’ll see how he’s going to handle it. It’s not going to be easy for him, that’s for sure."

There was a time when Mr Federer did not need to indulge in these kinds of mind-games. Intimations of his own mortality, perhaps? We''ll see tomorrow morning ...

Lessons of the family dinner table

As any parent will tell you, great care is needed when issuing an ultimatum. If failure to finish your brussels sprouts is threatened to bring on an absence of dessert, then there is no point in the parent subsequently giving in and the child being allowed to indulge in jelly and custard. It may indeed bring about a modicum of family peace at the dinner table, but in the longer term it will be ruinous. For what will make the child eat his or her sprouts the next time they are served? Far better to have avoided issuing the ultimatum in the first place.

So it is in Northern Ireland. Despite having failed to finish their sprouts, the DUP and Sinn Fein are now tucking in to the jelly and custard. Meanwhile the anxious parents/prime ministers look like indecisive idiots. And how do they twist Northern Irish arms the next time?

Quote of the day

It quite put me off my breakfast. Rab McNeil (here):

Annabel Goldie – psephological siren, democratic diva, suburban goddess – also raised her game this week, leaping lithely forward onto the pitch in her gymslip, and clubbing Eck on the heid with her hockey stick to get an answer about PE in schools. She accused the Nats of reneging on a promise to give every pupil two hours a week of such pointless torture.

A diamond in the dross (in any sense you care to construe it).

The road to hell

If I had shares in ITV, I would sell them - pdq.

They would have done better to offer the network as a plaything to Simon Cowell; they would end up in the same place, but might have had some fun along the way.

Let's all get into the gutter

It is generally accepted that the corruption of public life is one of the more serious problems of Afghanistan. In these circumstances, does it make sense for the Western allies to devote $140 million to bribing the Taliban to desist from insurgency?

Or are financial inducements only reprehensible when put into effect without the explicit approval of the Milibands and Clintons of this world?

Pedantry again

This is from the BBC website (although the same mistake is made by just about all the newspapers):

The UK economy has come out of recession, after figures showed it had grown by a weaker-than-expected 0.1% in the last three months of 2009.

To the extent that the figures show anything, it is that GDP in the fourth quarter of 2009 was 0.1% higher than in quarter 3 of that year. To suggest that GDP grew by that percentage between 1 October 2009 and 31 December 2009 is nonsensical. So why do it?

A man is known by the company he keeps

Some men will do anything, however squalid or demeaning, to grub for money. Shame does not enter the equation. As for nobility of spirit, forget it. Even George W maintains a greater dignity.

I might hope that he gets slaughtered at Chilcot later this week but I fear it will not happen. But he will not be forgiven.

The Caley Merc

Scotland's new online newspaper: worthy but dull? Judge for yourselves.

Semantics

"Substantial" becomes "severe"; what was a "strong possibility" now becomes "highly likely". And it happens almost a month after the failure of the underpants bomber. But "Alan Johnson, the home secretary, said there was no intelligence to suggest an attack was imminent".

Is anyone any the wiser?

Homonyms

Newly elected Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts:

Footballer Scott Brown of Celtic FC:

Or have I got them mixed up?

The man who was never there

It is a fact of bureaucratic life: in every organisation, somewhere near the top, is a blithering incompetent. Somehow, he (for it is invariably a he) never gets found out; he blithely sails on, spreading confusion and despondency in his wake. When the unmentionable hits the fan, he is never there and never to blame. He cannot manage his way out of a paper bag but the big bosses seem oblivious. His underlings tear their hair out, the work does not get done properly; but the incompetent floats through life, unaware, unthinking and unpenalised.

Treneman in The Times writes:

Geoff Hoon is the man who was never there. He is like Macavity but not as much fun, for there is little of mystery, or indeed cattiness, about the man who was Defence Secretary for six years. Six years! Can it be? Can you be that important and yet be so very unimportant for six long years?
When I say that he wasn’t there, I mean it. He was asked if he was at a crucial meeting at Chequers just before Tony Blair met President Bush in Crawford, Texas, in April 2002. “Actually I wasn’t,” he noted, “and I haven’t been able to establish
precisely why.”

As our American cousins say, go figure.

It depends on what side you're on

You mortgage borrowers may not welcome an increase in interest rates. but we savers would not necessarily be displeased.

And there are many more of us than of you (some say seven times more). Nor, just because we have savings, are we well-off; some of us rely heavily on the interest earned in order to pay the bills.

If only there were a way to keep everybody happy ...

It's all just sweeties

Is my curlywurly in danger? Maybe, maybe not.

Do the investment bankers and the hedge funds care about my curlywurly? Certainly not.

And Gordon Brown?

Gordon Brown said yesterday: "We are determined that the levels of investment that take place in Cadbury in the United Kingdom are maintained and we are determined that, at a time when people are worried about their jobs, that jobs in Cadbury can be secure."

But not determined enough to actually do anything about it.

Recommended

You may watch the first part of The Legacy of Lawrence of Arabia here. The programme is interesting in itself, particularly with regard to the parallels it draws between Lawrence's experiences in the Great War and the modern-day wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The programme is presented by Rory Stewart, polymath, walker across the Middle East, Harvard professor, former soldier and former diplomat, a man who is about to become the Tory MP for Penrith and the Border. It's almost enough to make me vote Conservative.

Crying wolf

No doubt they mean well. But the medical profession appears to take itself excessively seriously, becoming increasingly aggressive in its approach to those things which it considers are harmful.

This morning the baddies are:

(i) trans fats (Don't ask; you don't want to know.)
(ii) chardonnay (I'm a pinot grigio man myself, but I'm certainly not switching to the recommended riesling; although, if pushed, a nice Alsatian sylvaner would be OK.)
(iii) butter (Are you really attracted by the thought of putting a low fat spread on your toast?)

Do the quacks really know better? And what's next on the prohibition list?

In any case, if you take their advice, you won't live a lot longer - it will just feel like it.

Quote of the day

From Gordon Brown, aka the man with the tin ear, writing in The Guardian (here):

"Our values demand a genuine meritocracy for all British people ..."

Of course, the original definition of a meritocracy (see Michael Young) was of a political system whereby certain groups in society maintained strict control over access to the means (notably education) by which merit might be secured, thus enabling the creation of a self-perpetuating elite and condemning the masses to be forever second-class citizens. But I don't suppose that this is what Mr Brown means by the term; at least, I don't think so ...

I do sometimes wish that Labour politicians were more conscious of political history, particularly Labour political history. If they were, they might be more careful in their use of language.

Music of the week

OK, so I'm an old romantic ,,,

Yes he can!

Pleasing that at least one politician is sticking it to them. The Independent reports:

Barack Obama channelled popular anger against Wall Street bonuses yesterday as he announced a $117bn (£72bn) tax on the finance industry.
The levy will hit about 50 institutions and be spread out over at least the next 10 years, with bigger and riskier institutions forced to pay the most, something that the President said would help to change behaviour and prevent a repeat of the credit crisis.
"My commitment is to recover every single dime the American people are owed," Mr Obama declared. "And my determination to achieve this goal is only heightened when I see reports of massive profits and obscene bonuses at the very firms who owe their continued existence to the American people."

Compare and contrast Chancellor Darling's half-hearted attempts to recover a measly £500 million.

Haiti

It almost sounds like an invasion. The Indepemdemt reports:

As the vast scale of the rescue effort needed became clearer, Washington announced it was sending 2,200 marines and up to 3,500 troops to the island, as well as a first $100m of aid.
The aircraft carrier USS Carl Vinson was dispatched along with several other US Navy and coastguard vessels to join the rescue teams already searching for survivors of Haiti's worst earthquake in two centuries.

On the other hand, given its political history in recent years, would Haiti necessarily be worse off as a US "protectorate"?

How the banks drive potential investors away

I recently applied to open an online savings account with the Alliance & Leicester. Alas, even before knowing how much I was prepared to invest, they asked for certified (by a solicitor, accountant, etc) copies of documents proving my identity (passport, driving licence, etc) and my address (driving licence, utility bill, etc). Original documents are not good enough; they need certified copies.

Who is doing whom a favour here? And who needs the hassle? And, no, I will not be proceeding with my application.

Football

Does anyone know why the African Nations Championship appears to be broadcast solely on Eurosport? It's not as if the BBC and ITV, with their multiplicity of channels, had anything better to show; and, if Eurosport is showing it, it cannot have been expensive. Sky Sports is equally blank.

A few more games like that of yesterday evening which ended up at 4 goals apiece between Angola and Mali and the regular broadcasters may regret it.

It's getting better

Media froth

Shock, horror! Top Tory policy wonk revealed as human being.

(At least insofar as conservatives can be human beings ...)

Meanwhile Mr Cameron gets the airbrush treatment. It's only natural, after all?

New Labour, new bathos

The snowstorm mutiny: launched at lunchtime, tottering by teatime, sunk by suppertime.

A grumpy old curmudgeon writes ...

I like my porridge as much as the next man (even if it is the so-easy microwaveable variety) but there is something unseemly in permitting Scottish rugby players to appear on the packets.

Even if it means free supplies for the players and lots of dosh for the SRU.

Source: here

Quote of the day

Simon Carr in The Independent (here):

Alan Johnson turned up with a statement on aviation security following the Johnny Bomb Pants thing at Detroit. They have snapped into action again, as events demand. They're putting in a whole lot more airport scanners, which all share one interesting deficiency. They are incapable of detecting the sort of explosives that are hidden in Y-fronts.

Still, it will considerably inconvenience passengers, thus discouraging air travel and therefore contributing to saving the planet from all these emissions. (Although the current cold snap appears to be having the same effect without artificial assistance.)

Time and tide, old bean

The Times wonders how we should name the new decade.

Of course, some of us consider that 2010 properly belongs to the decade that began in 2001, while the new decade will not begin unti next year (2011). But widespread innumeracy appears to have gripped the nation.

I blame that Tony Blair and his ridiculous Dome celebration the last time round.

So farewell Gum-gum

John Gummer is to stand down at the next election. Regardless of his (relatively - at least for a Tory) virtuous life in recent years, he will only ever be remembered as the agriculture minister who - at the height of the BSE scare - sought to feed his four-year-old daughter a hamburger.

Unfair? Probably, but that's the way of the world.

Sleeping on the job?

Strange. Mr President condemns his own government. The FT reports:

Barack Obama said on Tuesday that “human and systemic failures” were to blame for allowing a would-be terrorist on to a Detroit-bound aircraft on Christmas Day, placing the responsibility for the security blunders at the foot of the US government.
Delivering a hastily arranged statement at a marine base in Hawaii, where he is on holiday, the US president said that the mistakes were “unacceptable” and ordered preliminary investigation results to be delivered to him on Thursday.

Does Mr Obama not realise who is in charge? He has now been the boss for a year and, if the US security systems are not up to scratch, who is ultimately responsible?

It is never attractive for a politician to blame his officials. Perhaps fewer holidays on Hawaii and more time at his desk might help.

Quote of the day

From The Times (here):

There are now 65 generals in the Army, with 43 major-generals, 17 lieutenant-generals and five four-star generals. In addition there are 190 brigadiers, a one-star rank; 20 more than in 1997. The figures were rovided in a written answer in the House of Commons.
...
There are more than 30 admirals in post in the Navy: two four-star admirals, six vice-admirals and 25 rear-admirals.
In the RAF there are 36 top brass: three air chief marshals, nine air marshals and 24 air vice-marshals.

Too many chiefs for the numbers of Indians.

Tory-bashing?

Is it OK for a non-elected official, however important he may be, to challenge the position taken up by a legitimate political party?

Even if you consider that the Conservative Party is - in this case - barking up the wrong tree, as well as behaving in a disgracefully opportunistic manner, and even if you agree with the sentiments expressed by Mr Starmer, there is something not right about his outburst. Who elected him to take up a position on a matter of political controversy? And, the next time a non-elected official sticks his oar in, it may not be in pursuance of right-on, liberal-thinking policies.

So perhaps, like a good cobbler, Mr Starmer should stick to his last and leave the politics to those elected for that purpose.

The triumph of hope over experience

The Scottish Tories' seasonal celebrations have been a trifle overdone. How else to explain this report in The Times:

Tories believe that the party will reap the benefit of a late “Cameron bounce” north of the Border in the last few days of the coming general election campaign.
Party strategists have pinned their hopes on undecided voters opting to go Conservative because they believe that David Cameron is heading for Downing Street.

Perhaps Santa made them a promise, or maybe it was the Christmas fairy. Either way, they're a couple of kilted sausages short of a Christmas dinner.

Recommended

Remember The Shawshank Redemption? The scene where the cons are watching a movie? Well, the movie concerned, Gilda, is on BBC2 (unfortunately at 2.10 am) on Christmas morning.

It stars the great Rita Hayworth, the sexiest woman ever to adorn the silver screen. (It was her poster that Tim Robbins first put up in his cell to conceal his rock excavations.)

Worth a look, if you're up and about at that time of the morning.

Moats and beams

The Herald sees fit to criticise local authorities for their spelling mistakes, while parading this at the top of their news section:

Two woman killed in Christmas coach crash
Published on 23 Dec 2009

Two woman have died and 47 other people were injured after a coach overturned on an icy road in Cornwall.

Fantasy economics

Nobody loves them but they are simply unaware. The Scotsman reports:

In a letter responding to the Liberal Democrats in Scotland Mervyn King says if [an independent] Scotland kept the pound, the bank's monetary policy committee may set rates with no input from north of the order. The Liberal Democrats initiated the correspondence.

Like, at present, the Bank's MPC gives two hoots about any developments whatsoever outside London.

Life's too short

Four and a half hours of televised political debate during prime time, plus whatever is arranged for Scotland as an afterthought. How many will watch beyond the first five minutes?

Not me for one. I may be a political junkie but I'm not entirely lost to the human race. I'll catch up with the summaries the next morning, although I will try to avoid the endless analysis about the colour of their ties and the rest of their body language.

Call my bluff

Would you like to move your work and family to Spain? The Independent reports:

Goldman Sachs has threatened the UK Treasury with plans to move up to 20 per cent of its London-based staff to Spain in a standoff over tax and
bonuses.

I'm far from sure that 20% of the staff would be prepared to go. Spain does indeed sound nice for a holiday (and each year I spend three or four months there) but think of the disruption to family life - the children's schooling, the friends and relatives, the cultural life, the need to find property to live in and to dispose of existing housing. And the clincher - relatively few Spaniards speak English.

So maybe the Treasury should call Golden Sacks' bluff.

Quote of the day

Fast Eddie Miliband (here):

"Things are getting held up by procedural wrangling," said Miliband. "People can kill this agreement with process arguments. It will be tragedy if we cannot reach an agreement on substance, but it will be a farce if we cannot agree on process."

It's not looking good. Any agreement they reach seems unlikely to be strong emough to reverse global warming. Prepare to fry.

Disappointing

So Flyglobespan, which was my regular carrier on my flights to Spain, has gone into administration. It is tough on those on a pre-Christmas holiday to the Med who are now stranded.

I always thought Flyglobespan as well-run. The flights were usually on time, they were reasonably priced and the planes were invariably full.

I suppose that some other carrier will now fill the gap; alternatively, I may have to fly from Glasgow or Newcastle

Your fashion editor opines

So Signor Berlusconi doesn't wear a vest. The more fool he. Didn't his mother tell him to wrap up warmly?

They may not be very fashionable. But wearing a vest never did any harm to Bruce Willis ...

Always look on the bright side

I wonder who this happy soul is?

Well it's certainly not Santa.

Fluffy gets the bullet

Internecine strife among the Scottish Tories. The Times reports:

David McLetchie, the former Scots Tory leader, is to head the party’s general election campaign in Scotland in a move that will be seen as sidelining David Mundell, the Shadow Scottish Secretary and the only Conservative MP north of the Border.
The decision to overlook Mr Mundell as general-election co-ordinator will also fuel speculation that he is unlikely to become Secretary of State for Scotland if David Cameron becomes Prime Minister next year.

Poor old Fluffy. Admittedly, he's not very bright but he's a Tory MP. What do you expect - brilliant intuition?

Can they not pay for their own calls?

I suppose that we'll never know. Some might argue that we should not be entitled to know. But that can be discounted as we taxpayers paid for the call. The Times reports:

Details of private phone calls from Gordon Brown’s Scottish home, including a call of 2 hours 42 minutes call to a mystery address in Canterbury, were made public yesterday.
The time, length and geographical destination of 21 calls were disclosed when the BT bills submitted as part of his expense claims were published by the House of Commons. The numbers were blacked out.

Who was he phoning in Canterbury? And what did it have to do with his parliamentary duties? He has a fixed telephone link from his constituency home to 10 Downing Street so it is unlikely to have been on government business. Or could it - just possibly - have been Mrs Brown?

Too clever for his own good

What a sneaky trick. The Independent reports:

The cigarette and booze industries have been hit by a "hidden" excise charge this year, after the Government failed to cut the duty to make up for higher VAT.
There were no changes to alcohol and tobacco duty rates in yesterday's pre-Budget report, after they had been increased a year ago to offset the temporary reduction in VAT. Industry expects predict that the impact of VAT going back up to 17.5 per cent on 1 January and no respite in the burden on excise duties would add up to 18p on a packet of cigarettes and at least 6p on a pint of beer.

See that Darling fellow - he's just like the rest of the politicians.

Quote of the day

Benedict Brogan of the Daily Telegraph (here):

Even before we’ve trawled through the small print on pensions and tax changes, the pre-Budget report has lived up to the billing. Scorched earth, poison pill, you can choose your metaphor but the key point is that this was a political statement designed to protect Labour’s sectional interests, boost its core vote and stuff the Tories at every turn.

Oh good!

The measures likewise: for example, a whacking great increase in the value of the state pension (2.5pc when inflation is negative?!), ditto other benefits, represents a gratuitous increase in the cost of entitlements, in the knowledge that the Conservatives need to review them downwards. Reckless, unaffordable, yet how can the Tories reasonably be expected to reverse that one?

Darling is a clever lad - he'll go far.

They think we're idiots, you know

After five paragraphs of fluff, The Times finally gets to the newsbite:

The Tories are now on 38 per cent, down one point since early November, while Labour is up one point at 30 per cent. This is the first single-digit lead found by Populus this year.
...
The Liberal Democrats have continued to improve their position this month, up two points at 20 per cent, with other parties two points down at 12 per cent.

38% to 30% is not enough to guarantee an overall majority. Expect much more media speculation on a hung parliament. Yawn ...

Pseuds' corner

From The Guardian (here):

The precedents of Bohemian Rhapsody are as much in the 19th-century classical traditions of rhapsodic, quasi-improvisational reveries – like, say, the piano works of Schumann or Chopin or the tone-poems of Strauss of Liszt – as they are in prog-rock or the contemporary pop of 1975. That's because the song manages a sleight of musical hand that only a handful of real master- musicians have managed: the illusion that its huge variety of styles – from intro, to ballad, to operatic excess, to hard-rock, to reflective coda - are unified into a single statement, a drama that somehow makes sense. It's a classic example of the unity in diversity that high-minded musical commentators have heard in the symphonies of Beethoven or the operas of Mozart. And that's exactly what the piece is: a miniature operatic-rhapsodic-symphonic-tone-poem.

The antidote:

It's all very difficult

Sounds easy, doesn't it? In order to save public expenditure, sack a few (or rather more than a few) civil servants and move the rest out of London.

Well, surprising as it may seem, civil servants are also people with certain rights. So when it comes to making them redundant, they are entitled to a pay-off, based on the length of their service. Alternatively, the more elderly may choose to retire, in which case HMG has to cough up a lump sum and a pension.

And, even if you move civil servants out of London, they are entitled to take their London weighting (in terms of additional salary) with them, at least for a year or two or three. Furthermore, renting office accommodation on the scale undertaken by the civil service is not like renting an individual flat; the terms of the lease will invariably preclude you from giving one month's notice before gadding off and you may be committed to the property for years.

So sacking or moving civil servants may well bring about public expenditure savings, but these may not be realised very quickly. In the meantime, treat the alleged savings quoted by Ministers with a pinch of salt.

Quote of the day

The Prime Minister writing in The Guardian (here):

... we need to create wealth and quality of life, not by putting carbon into the atmosphere but by taking it out. We need to build, in short, a low carbon economy. And not just at home: our aim must be to do this in every major economy of the world.
This will involve change: a shift from the energy dictatorship of oil and traditional fossil fuels to the efficiency, self-reliance and security of low carbon energy systems, which will be the engine of growth and job creation over the coming decade.

Is this the same Prime Minister whose government authorised the third Heathrow runway and the development of the coal-fired power station at Kingsnorth and who as Chancellor scrapped the fuel price escalator?

Still, better a sinner who repents than one who persists in his waywardness.

The Addison of the Scotland Office

As today's subject is the alleged functional illteracy of a fifth of our compatriots, you may care to cast an eye over this slightly inelegant contiribution to the political debate.

It is not for me to imply that the Rt Hon Jim Murphy, Secretary of State for Scotland, is less than wholly literate, although he might make closer acquaintance with the use and abuse of the apostrophe. But, as his blog is part of the Scotland Office website, is there no-one in that august institution who might edit out the more obvious infelicities before each post is published? It is not as though they have lots of other things to do.

Headline of the day

From The Independent (here):

RBS board may quit if £1.5bn bonus plan is vetoed

Well, Alistair? Are you a man or a mouse? This is your chance to demonstrate that the government will not always lie down and beg in front of the bankers. OK, the RBS board might resign but I doubt it. And even if they did, it's not as though they could not be replaced.

In any case, we taxpayers are about to own 84% of RBS. Might as well go the whole hog and natinalise the whole shebang.

The beginning of the end

So the First Minister sacrificed Ms Hyslop when the opposition parties threatened to gang up behind a no-confidence motion. The bold Mr Salmond had - much earier - let it be known that the success of such a motion against one of his cabinet secretaries would lead to the resignation of the entire government, a ploy which discouraged the opposition parties from pressing their arguments.

But pusillanimous no longer - this time the opposition forced the First Minister to blink.

So what happens the next time the opposition has a beef with one of the cabinet secretaries? Say with Mr Swinney over the budget? The First Minister cannot keep on downgrading his cabinet secretaries. But can he risk a successful no-confidence motion?

Political life gets more interesting ...

The audacity of hope

I suppose that it might be alright. The Afghan army might double in size and vastly reduce its desertion rate while being trained to take over the role of the NATO forces; to do it in 18 months seems on the optimistic side but you never know. The Taliban of the less fundamentalist variety might be peeled away from their more committed brethren, even though they now know that the NATO forces will be leaving soon. And President Karzai's government might turn over a new leaf by ridding itself of currupt warlords and drug kingpins.

I wouldn't bet on it though ...

Transparency, integrity, trust

You couldn't make it up. The Guardian reports:

Zac Goldsmith, the Tory candidate for Richmond, and one of David Cameron's closest advisers on the environment, insisted yesterday he would not be corrupted by power, and said politics had to enter a new era of transparency and integrity to regain trust, including on green taxes.

That would be the Zac Goldsmith who, we recently discovered, is a "non-dom" for tax purposes

Bread and circuses

I do so very much hope that later today somebody will explain how a four option referendum will work.

Does the option that attracts the most votes win? Even though it may be less than 40% of those voting?

Or do we voters have to indicate a numerical preference for each option, with the votes cast for the least attractive options re-allocated to the more popular?

It all seems vaguely unsatisfactory ...

The price of fame

If I had a nice house in Florida, an attractive trophy wife and a Cadillac sports utility vehicle, I doubt if anyone (with the possible exception of the police) would care if I took the car out at 2.30 am one morning and hit a fire hydrant then a tree.

But I'm no Tiger. So no-one would think to ask me where I thought I was going at that time in the morning, why I was driving so slowly that the airbags did not inflate and whether, in rescuing me by destroying one of the car windows with a golf club, my imaginary good lady used an iron or a driver.

Carving up the jobs

More Brussels manoeuvring. The Times reports:

British diplomats are fighting a rearguard action to prevent France from taking the key financial job in Brussels after Baroness Ashton of Upholland’s appointment as foreign affairs chief.
With Paris and Berlin setting their sights on controlling the EU’s economic agenda, a former French Foreign Minister, Michel Barnier, is being tipped to take the plum commission portfolio overseeing the internal market and financial services.
Germany is seeking the industry or energy jobs in the European Commission line-up due to be announced this month, while also preparing its national bank chairman to take over at the European Central Bank.

It should not be too difficult to obstruct the French. The one thing guaranteed to upset the smaller Member States is the idea that France and Germany should dictate who gets what. In any case, Finland, Sweden and the Netherlands are due some compensation for being passed over in the appointment of the president. But it remains to be seen if the FCO have the nous to take advantage.

A little historical context

There is a generation of the vaguely left-leaning (and not so vaguely left-leaning) who retain a residual distrust of successive US administrations. In my case, this stemmed from US intervention in Vietnam and Cambodia in the 1960s, an intervention maintained long after the demonstration of its utter uselessness. It is one of the reasons why, rightly or wrongly, we leap to analogies with South East Asia when seeking to understand what is going on today in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The scale of US imperialist ambitions became further apparent in the 1980s (and subsequently) in Central America. The pernicious use of the Monroe Doctrine was said to justify US meddling in Nicaragua, El Salvador, Guatemala and Grenada. Meanwhile, the US has kept Cuba in a state of penury for decades.

I know, I know. Bad things happened during the Cold War, and the USSR's alleged involvement in events provided some form of justification for American actions. Nevertheless, to my paranoid mind, there are signs of a pattern here.

Now, it appears to be starting again. The Independent reported yesterday:

The United States is massively building up its potential for nuclear and non-nuclear strikes in Latin America and the Caribbean by acquiring unprecedented freedom of action in seven new military, naval and air bases in Colombia.
...
The new US push is part of an effort to counter the loss of influence it has suffered recently at the hands of a new generation of Latin American leaders no longer willing to accept Washington's political and economic tutelage. President Rafael Correa, for instance, has refused to prolong the US armed presence in Ecuador, and US forces have to quit their base at the port of Manta by the end of next month.
So Washington turned to Colombia, which has not gone down well in the region. The country has received military aid worth $4.6bn (£2.8bn) from the US since 2000, despite its poor human rights record.
Colombian forces regularly kill the country's indigenous people and other civilians, and last year raided the territory of its southern neighbour, Ecuador, causing at least 17 deaths.
...
Indications of US willingness to envisage the stationing of nuclear weapons in Colombia are seen as an additional threat to the spirit of nuclear disarmament. After the establishment of the Tlatelolco Treaty in 1967, four more nuclear-weapon-free zones were set up in Africa, the South Pacific, South-east Asia and Central Asia. Between them, the five treaties cover nearly two-thirds of the countries of the world and almost all the southern hemisphere.
The Stockholm International Peace Research Institute (SIPRI), the world's leading think-tank about disarmament issues, has now expressed its worries about the US-Colombian arrangements. With or
without nuclear weapons, the bilateral agreement on the seven Colombian bases, signed on 30 October in Bogota, risks a costly new arms race in a region. SIPRI, which is funded by the Swedish government, said it was concerned about rising arms expenditure in Latin America draining resources from social programmes that the poor of the region need.
Much of the new US strategy was clearly set out in May in an enthusiastic US Air Force (USAF) proposal for its military construction programme for the fiscal year 2010. One Colombian air base, Palanquero, was, the proposal said, unique "in a critical sub-region of our hemisphere where security and stability is under constant threat from... anti-US governments".
The proposal sets out a scheme to develop Palanquero which, the USAF says, offers an opportunity for conducting "full-spectrum operations throughout South America.... It also supports mobility missions by providing access to the entire continent, except the Cape Horn region, if fuel is available, and over half the continent if un-refuelled". ("Full-spectrum operations" is the Pentagon's jargon for its long-established goal of securing crushing military superiority with atomic and conventional weapons across the globe and in space.)

Nuclear weapons in South America? What for?

Worrying.

Chilcot

Obsessives everywhere will wish to note that the Chilcot Inquiry begins this week. You may find the timetable for the first week here.

Apparently, the proceedings will be streamed live on the website, with archived sessions as well as transcripts also available.

Housekeeping reminder

This blog is not a comments free-for-all. Where I consider a comment to be gratuitously offensive, it will be deleted. No appeals. If you don't like it, tough.

More showbiz

More than two years after the BBC dropped her – sparking accusations of ageism – veteran newsreader Moira Stuart is being lined up for a return to the airwaves on Chris Evans's BBC Radio 2 breakfast show. (here)

Good - but it would have been better to bring back Fran Godfrey, the sexiest voice on radio.

What is the point of ...

... the Royal Variety Performance? This year, the show stars Lady Gaga, Bette Midler, Michael Buble, Miley Cyrus, Whoopi Goldberg, Dance Troupe and Diversity; it will be hosted by Peter Kay.

Is it fair or reasonable to expect an old lady (Brenda is now in her eighties) to sit through two hours of this desperate assemblage of wannabees and has-beens? Surely this royal function should be passed on to her descendants. I am younger (slightly) than the Prince of Wales and I wouldn't thank you for a ticket to the event. And what's the point of grandsons if they won't fulfil the occasional engagement on your behalf?

Who is Lady Gaga anyway?

Music of the week

As it's Friday afternoon, and I'm feeling nostalgic, let's go back in time. Sandy Denny and Fairport sing Dylan; 40 years old and still one of the best tracks ever:

The pronunciation problem

Last night, the BBC World Service was sticking with Van Rompoy (to rhyme with toy), whereas this morning BBC2 favoured Van Rompow (to rhyme with cow).

I rather think I would be inclined to Van Rompwee but it's awfully difficult to tell with Flemish names.

What do you mean, does it matter?

Defend our square sausage!

Here is the latest episode in the international battle to maintain the purity and quality of one of our more esoteric food products. I bow to no-one in my admiration for the gourmet attractions of the Lorne sausage, although I confess to a preference for the more humdrum round sliced sausage. And if the Scottish Government in all its majesty sees fit to issue a series of press releases on the matter, well it keeps the boys and girls in what used to be known as the agriculture department in a job.

Nevertheless I do occasionally wonder exactly from whom we are protecting our sausage. As far as I am aware, there are no Bavarian or Andalucian butchers trying to pass off some of their inferior local products as Lorne sausage. Furthermore, even if we won the longed-for Protected Geographical Indication, I rather doubt that this would deliver thriving export markets in Paris or Milan.

But I look forward to a time 20 years hence when people will ask me what the SNP administration of 2007 to 2011 actually achieved. Ah well, I will answer, they saved the Lorne sausage ...

Van Rompuy-Pompuy still the favourite, ...

... not that it means very much at this stage.

As a committed europhile and as someone who, when working in the EU, did his fair share of eating and drinking for the greater European glory, even I would find the EU Council's idea of democracy - ie the leaders have a nice meal behind closed doors in order to select il presidente - laughable, were it not so utterly disgraceful.

Makes me proud to be a blogger

This heart-warming story reveals that there are stll gentlemen in this world:

When Belle de Jour, the famous call girl turned blogger and publishing sensation outed herself as a Bristol-based research scientist last weekend, one man was less surprised than the rest of us.
In an intriguing twist to a story which has already had more than its fair share of them, it emerged today that a British blogger solved the hotly debated mystery of Belle's identity soon after Dr Brooke Magnanti began writing her diary of an escort in 2003 – then resolved to help keep her secret.

Well done Darren!

Gutter politics

All very well to produce a Queen's Speech of 13 measures, few of which can be expected to pass into law in the limited parliamentary time available before the general election. But would it be excessively cynical to suggest that, even in the unlikely event of Labour being returned to government, few of these measures would be resurrected? Instead, the public spending crisis will simply overwhelm care for the elderly, new moves on equality and so on.

Which makes the process simply another election gimmick.

Messing about with boats

What would Lord Nelson have thought? The Royal Navy blots its copybook once again. The Guardian reports:

The crew of a Royal Navy vessel watched a British couple being kidnapped by Somali pirates, but were ordered not to open fire in case they endangered the couple's lives, it emerged last night.
...
A spokesman said: "Significant efforts were made by Royal Navy vessels and international maritime forces to locate the Lynn Rival. Everything possible was done without further endangering the lives of Paul and Rachel Chandler."

Which might have been a little more convincing if the Navy had not conspired to cover up the truth at the time:

An official account of the kidnap released last month said only that a Royal Navy vessel found the empty yacht, without disclosing that its crew saw the action unfolding. The full picture emerged when an anonymous crew member leaked the details to the press.

So the Navy watches a kidnap without doing anything and then fails to tell the whole truth. Heads will roll? I doubt it.

Keeping everyone in suspense

I appreciate that it's a difficult decision but endless discussion will not make it any easier. The Independent reports:

Mr Brown told MPs yesterday that he expected an announcement from President Barack Obama in the next few days about the number of extra US troops being deployed to Afghanistan. But his forecast was played down by a White House spokesman, who said the decision on the the request for 40,000 more troops from General Stanley McChrystal, the commander of international forces in Afghanistan, was still "weeks and not days" away.
Mr Obama yesterday met members of his war council to discuss the forward strategy in Afghanistan, the eighth such session with the national security team in recent weeks.

Unless he wants to be identified as a dithering procrastinator, now is surely the time to do the business or get off the pot.

It's all pants really

And you thought we were in the midst of a recession. The Guardian reports:

...a new survey from Debenhams ... claims (though not always convincingly) to shed some light on men's underwear-buying habits. While the average 23-year-old allegedly buys up to 31 pairs a year "of all styles, tightness and colours", and even 40-year-olds manage a dozen pairs in as many months, once you reach 44 (I'm 46) Debenhams reckons you give up the habit for life. Not because by then you have bought 284 pairs (based on the survey's figures) and never need to fork out for Y-fronts or tangas ever again, but because a woman is doing it for you.

Wow, 31 pairs a year! Who has the drawer space?*


* No pun intended

They prefer doom and gloom

Is it my imagination or do I detect a note of disappointment on the part of the press with regard to the suspension of the Royal Mail strikes? Here is The Guardian for example:

The postal workers union has called off a third round of strikes due to start tomorrow after reaching an "interim" peace deal with Royal Mail management.
Leaders of the Communication Workers Union agreed unanimously to postpone further action until the new year at least while talks take place, overseen by the arbitration service Acas and the Trades Union Congress.
The Christmas post is now secure, much to the relief of Royal Mail, which doubled annual profits to £321m last year but has been haemorrhaging customers.

Not exactly welcoming, is it?

Open letter

Dear Monsieur Lellouche

It may surprise you to know that many of us Brits, perhaps most of us, know very well that the Tories' stance on Europe is pathetic, that they are doing untold damage to Britain's reputation in the EU and that the decision of their MEPs to abandon their natural allies and throw in their lot with assorted East European nasties will seriously reduce their influence in the European Parliament.

We also know that Cameron's pledge for referendums on future treaties is unlikely to be realised in the foreseeable future (unless he really wants to deprive Iceland and Croatia of the opportunity for EU membership). As for his fantasy of re-patriating the social chapter, even if the other Member States were to agree (which seems improbable), the prospect of working longer hours with fewer holidays is unlikely to appeal to the average British worker.

But M Lellouche, we rather dislike the idea of French politicians telling us so. Cameron may be an idiot but he's our idiot. You have enough idiots of your own without pointing the finger at ours. So, as our American cousins say, butt out!

Be assured of my distinguished sentiments.

Dave

It wiznae my fault, honest ...

Lord Martin (the former Commons Speaker) is obviously unfamiliar with the concept that the boss is responsible for the failures of his underlings. The BBC reports:

Lord Martin told the committee on policing and Parliament he had been "let down" by Serjeant at Arms Jill Pay who failed to require a warrant for the search.
But he said when he asked her to explain her conduct, her boss Malcolm Jack, the Commons Clerk and chief executive, had stepped in and suggested she had been influenced by the police.

Equally unattractive is his propensity to spread blame among his subordinates. As for defending those officials who worked for him, forget it.

Motto - the buck doesn't stop anywhere near my desk.

Quote of the day

Simon Tisdall in The Guardian (here):

In Afghanistan's disreputable 2009 presidential election, everyone's a loser. Hamid Karzai's "victory", achieved by fraud and now by default, has left him a tarnished, diminished figure. The US administration that orchestrated the whole process still lacks the credible partner in Kabul it says is essential for success.
The UN's reputation for probity lies critically wounded in the gutter, a victim of inaction and bitter infighting among officials. Nato's mission looks even more rudderless and ill-defined than before. The cause of the Afghan people, bemused and terrorised by turns, is no further forward and may in truth have been set back.

A right snafu. Where to go from here? Who knows? Obviously not the Americans, nor the UN, nor NATO ...

Does Labour dare?

The point about this new poll, showing Labour in the lead over the SNP in the battle for Holyrood, is that Labour need no longer fear the sudden onset of a Holyrood election. It should not be difficult to bring down a minority government, especially as the Tories, LibDems and Greens all seem to be doing reasonably well.

And the SNP will need to be even more careful with the budget (and with the referendum bill); parliamentary defeats will provide an excuse for the other parties to bring about a general election.

Interesting times ahead!