You are an old lady, having reached the grand old age of 92. All you want to do on your birthday is put your feet up and watch the snooker on the telly.
But no. You have to get dolled up and sit through a tedious variety show, filled with B-list celebrities - Kylie, Tom Jones, Shaggy (who he?) and Ed Balls playing the banjo ukelele.
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
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