"OOR WULLIE, Scotland's most famous cartoon character, is abandoning his native Scots and turning "posh", according to new research.
For more than 70 years, Scotland's favourite cartoon character has helped keep his native dialect alive.
But a German researcher, who has spent two years poring over the tousled hero's language, says he is slowly ditching his usual patter for something more English."
"ARMY pipers are to be forced to wear ear plugs and go on "noise rations" after health experts reported the instrument's rousing skirl can damage hearing.
New guidelines compiled by the Army Medical Directorate Environmental Health Team say the instrument which has traditionally led Scots regiments into battle can cause hearing damage if played outside for more than 24 minutes a day.
The document also insists that musicians playing inside should only do so for 15 minutes, and just six minutes in echo-prone toilets with tiled walls - an area commonly used by pipers for practising."
"Classic dishes which stiffened the backbone and upper lip of Britain in days gone by are set to vanish from the nation's larder, according to a survey of changing food tastes. Jugged hare, brawn and junket are unknown to the overwhelming majority of under-25s, who also shudder when confronted with many of the recipes' down-to-earth ingredients.
Increasing prosperity is tending to drive offal from young people's kitchens, the poll suggests, along with ingredients such as haddocks' heads and scrag end of neck. The runaway success of international cuisine, from pizza to Thai curries, has also eroded the appeal of pigs' cheeks in brine and boiled calf's foot which date from periods of austerity...
The regional factor was emphasised by survey results in Scotland and Wales. Scots are close to forgetting crappit heids (boiled haddock heads stuffed with suet) and whim wham, a fruit and bread trifle which meant nothing to 94% of under-25s."
There is a moral here: not all changes are for the worst.