25 October 2005

Couch potatoes

How gratifying to learn from The Guardian that the Head of Security for the House of Commons has sufficient time to worry about what MPs get up to on their sofas:
"They are the prime minister's preferred place for doing business and, according to a recent memoir, the ideal spot for Labour party members to rub more than shoulders on election night. But a suggestion that the sofas of power facilitate passion not policymaking has led to moves to ban them from the Commons.
A confidential memo from Peter Grant Peterkin, the serjeant at arms, to the public administration committee recommends that sofas in MPs' offices be "gradually withdrawn" because they "sit people too closely together".
Tony Blair has become notorious for his "sofa government", often bypassing cabinet debate with informal meetings in his Downing Street den. And fornication on a sofa between two Labour party members on election night was exposed by former spin doctor Lance Price.
But the traditional head of security in the Commons has strong views on the appropriate furnishings for MPs' informal meetings. Sofas are "not a space-efficient piece of furniture", according to the memo, and are "costly to clean or recover if stained". Worse, the sofa "when occupied to its design capacity, sits people too closely together for them to feel comfortable".
The memo, composed after officials complained that MPs were spending too much in their offices, recommends two armchairs and a coffee table as a "flexible and cost effective" alternative."

You won't find nonsense like this at Holyrood. As far as I have been able to discover, MSPs do not have sofas in their rooms (but what they get up to in their "pods" is nobody's business).

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