"There is no such colour as beige any more. The modern boutique stocks an Armani-toned kaleidoscope of subtly graded pale shades. Once the essence of no-nonsense workwear, these colours - if you can call them that - are now the height of luxury. Like blond hair, they are a symbol of a high-maintenance lifestyle.
The names of the new shades reflect the aspirational mood. Some are self-explanatory: oyster, ballet slipper pink, ivory. Others refer to an idealised world, so "blush" is the prettiest creamy pink, rather than an embarrassing beetroot, and "sand" is a shade of vanilla tinged with gold. Clearly, the beaches where fashion designers hang out in search of palette inspiration are not the dirty Colman's mustard colour that characterises the British seaside."
There is no beige? Has anyone told Terry Wogan?