"The WAGs boarded the coach in reverse order of importance. Melanie Slade, the 17-year-old girlfriend of the wunderkind Theo Walcott, went on first, fiddling with the rim of her baseball cap, her eyes, barely masking her terror, ringed in black mascara.
Victoria Beckham, who has been a footballer's wife for longer than anyone cares to remember, boarded last, with all the dramatic intensity of an opera singer taking a curtain call.
Sweeping across the marble floor in white micro-shorts, accompanied by three bodyguards and her two eldest sons, Brooklyn and Romeo, she pouted gloomily for photographers.
Her nanny was left with instructions to book a manicure appointment at the hotel's spa. As with the coolest girls at school, Victoria sat at the back of the bus...
With all this glitzy orchestration, it is easy to forget why they were here in the first place. Their husbands and boyfriends are playing in quite an important football tournament, apparently.
But, as anyone who has watched the WAGs in action over the past week would know, 90 minutes on the pitch pales into insignificance alongside the Olympian stamina required of a professional footballer's wife on tour."
It's a shame that the husbands and boyfriends aren't quite up to it.
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