18 June 2014

Eats shoots and leaves

Overheard in an Edinburgh pub:

Who is this Mr Li Keqiang then?  And why does he want the UK to remain united?  He’s the bloke that sent us they pandas in the zoo.

And why does he care about oor referendum?  Mebbes he’s worried about how the pandas will get along under big Alex without a Union Flag above their enclosure.  Ah mean, the Scottish government could impose a massive import tax on bamboo shoots.

Still, Ah’m a wee bit bothered by all these furriners tellin’ us what tae dae.  If it’s no Mr Li, it’s yon Hillary or that Argentinian guy in Rome.  Take it as a sign of how important our wee nation is to the future of the world.  If we didnae matter, people like Obama  widnae keep bangin’ on aboot it.

Aye, and that nippy-sweetie Nicola’s gone and published a constitution n’all.  So we’ll ken whit the government can and cannae dae in our brave new world.

It’s no gonnae help us get tae the World Cup, is it?  Look it’s independence we’re after - we’re  no gonnae achieve miracles.

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