So, what have the undynamic duo Cameron and Clegg got planned for us? Hold on to your hat!
Hat held. Changes to pension annuities!
The ones that were announced in the Budget? Yes.
Three months ago? In March? Yes. And alterations to the funding of workplace pensions.
Anything besides changes to bloody pensions? A new state-funded childcare subsidy replacing the existing employer-subsidised scheme.
Ah, does it benefit poorer households? No.
So nothing new there. What else? Reforms! To speed up infrastructure projects, including measures to allow fracking firms to run pipelines on private land without prior permission.
I'm still not overwhelmed by the novelty. Five pence charges for carrier bags in shops?
As announced at last year's Lib Dem conference? Do you see where I'm going with this? No. Also: "This Queen's speech is unashamedly pro-work, pro-business and pro-aspiration." Cameron said so.
As opposed to all those other speeches that are anti-work, anti-business and pro-groping about in gutters? Gosh, yes, that is new. You see? All is well. All is well.No wonder a pageboy fainted.