Quote of the day

Boris in The Times (here) :

“You won’t catch me doing deals with left-wing dictators,” cried Boris, “which means that Venezuelan slum children are effectively subsidising Transport for London. I say that is completely Caracas!”

Idiot.

It's not a defeat?

A victory? Hardly. An honorable draw? Stretching it. The BBC website records the view of the Prime Minister:

The withdrawal of British troops from the southern Iraqi city of Basra is not a defeat, Gordon Brown has insisted.
The 550 soldiers have handed Basra Palace over to Iraqi control and joined 5,000 troops at the UK's last base, near the airport, outside the city.
The Ministry of Defence said the handover of Basra province was now due in the autumn.
The prime minister said the withdrawal was "pre-planned and organised" and UK forces would take an "overwatch" role.

I rather think I incline to the assessment of Mr Cockburn in The Independent:

In terms of establishing an orderly government in Basra and a decent life for its people the British failure has been absolute.

Yes, I think that says it all.

Has there been a deal?

The Independent, 30 August:

For British forces in southern Iraq, the announcement by Muqtada al-Sadr of a six-month suspension in hostilities is one of the best pieces of news to emerge for a long time.
If the radical Shia cleric's Mehdi Army does indeed hold to the ceasefire, it will allow British forces to carry out the impending withdrawal from Basra with the prospect of major bloodshed much reduced.

The Independent, 3 September:

British forces have pulled out of Basra Palace, the onetime southern residence of Saddam Hussein that became the symbol of the UK's role in the US-led invasion.
The British departure from their last remaining base inside the walls of Basra City, signalled their disengagement from the conflict and has highlighted a growing and public discord between Washington and London over Iraq, with the Americans claiming the move will severely undermine security.

Or am I being unduly cynical?

It's not really an identity crisis

It will take a day or two of getting used to. I refer of course to the sparkling new website - well, it's not really new and it remains less than sparkling but it does feature in big bold letters 'The Scottish Government'.

It's all for show, really. Legally, the organisation remains the Scottish Executive, at least until Westminster gets around to amending the Scotland Act - this year, next year, sometime, never.

And, paradoxically, it betrays a hint of insecurity. After all, you won't find the No 10 website or even the Foreign Office website boasting proudly that they are the property of the UK Government.

But what must really irk the Nationalists is that they continue to be saddled with the internet and e-mail addresses of "scotland.gov.uk".


Update: BellgroveBelle takes an entirely different view of the matter.

The cynicism of old soldiers

The BBC reports:

The head of the British army during the Iraq invasion has said US post-war policy was "intellectually bankrupt".
In a Daily Telegraph interview, former chief of the general staff, Gen Sir Mike Jackson, added that US strategy had been "short-sighted".

Could it be that the timing of this attack has something to do with the fact that his autobiography is about to be published, an autobiography which is - surprise, surprise - to be serialised by The Telegraph?

I don't suppose they could eat cake?

The Guardian reports:

The rising price of bread in France, symbolic of the high cost of living, is putting pressure on the president, Nicolas Sarkozy, as he confronts growing dissatisfaction with shop prices.
The stick of crusty bread that symbolises French eating habits is the latest victim of the leap in international wheat prices which has hit Italian pasta-makers and US cereal firms. Priced at an average 75 to 95 cents (50-65p) in high-street bakeries, the baguette is forecast to rise 5 cents, a 5% to 7% jump. Consumers in France, where nine out of 10 people buy fresh bread daily and many eat baguette three times a day, are starting to protest.

Alternatively, there is the old standby of more circuses ...

What if?

For years, indeed for decades, we have been told that Scotland has an under-performing economy and that our economic growth rate lags behind that of the UK as a whole. Indeed, the new Scottish Executive (sorry, Scottish Government) has made it a central theme of its economic policy to seek to improve Scottish growth to bring it in line with that of the UK.

But what if it's not true? What if Scottish growth has not been lagging behind? What if, over the past ten years, the Scottish economy has been growing at a rate comparable with that of the UK (which as the Prime Minister keeps telling us is one of the best-performing economies in the G7)?

Such is the prospect offered by a new academic report by the Centre for Public Policy for Regions. To be fair, they do not go quite as far as I have suggested in the previous paragraph but there is a clear implication that the growth of the Scottish economy in recent years may have been under-estimated.

Alf Young in The Herald (here) and Hamish MacDonnell in The Scotsman (here) try to get to grips with the implications, not entirely successfully, I would suggest. It does, after all, take a bit of re-thinking to get to grips with the idea that Scotland may just have a successful economy on its hands.

Here's tae us, wha's like us? A bit premature, perhaps. It's only an academic report, after all.

Workers' playtime

I do not approve of this suggestion:

WORKERS should be given time to use social networking websites in their office, the TUC urged yesterday.
It said employers were within their rights to stop staff using sites such as Facebook during working hours, but believed a total ban would be an "over-reaction". Staff should instead be trusted to take time during their lunch break to use such sites.

If staff spend their lunchtimes on Facebook, when are they going to find the time to read blogs like this one?

City LibDem loses it

It's not just a lack of political sensitivity; it's the absence of any common sense. The Scotsman reports:

A COUNCIL leader sparked fury yesterday when she said was spearheading the return of ceremonial robes to set councillors "apart from the hoi polloi".
Jenny Dawe, the leader of Edinburgh city council, and George Grubb, the lord provost, have asked for a report on plans to restore the traditional red and black robes, and their accompanying tricorn hats.

What century does she think she's living in? Of course, I am just one of the said hoi polloi - so it may be presumptuous of me to criticise.

It was only a 37% increase

The fat cats once again. The Guardian CIF asks the questions and we provide the answers:

"But if executives want to function in British society in which their own companies play a great part, do they not care about social cohesion?"

No, they don't give a shit.

"Are they prepared to take all of the fruits of the booming economy, leaving only the dregs for everyone else?"

Yes and, if they could scoop up the dregs as well, you can be damn sure they would.

"When will our corporate leaders discover some shame?"

Shame is not a concept with which they have any familiarity, whatsoever.

I used to believe in Santa Claus

A mite suspicious, perhaps. See here:

Christine Ohuruogu, who only returned earlier this month from a one-year ban for missing three drug tests, became the first British woman to win a world championship track event for 14 years today, when she took gold in the 400m in Osaka.

Less than a month of competition leads to a gold medal? But hey, never mind, the BBC can once again get over-excited. And after all, as any fule kno, it's only other nationalities that are drug cheats...

Making it up as you go along

Merlin was not only a weegie but a Partick Thistle supporter. The Telegraph reports:

Merlin the magician - hirsute confidant of King Arthur and the architect of Camelot - was, in fact, Scottish, according to a new book.
Not only Scottish but, to be precise, hailing from Ardery Street, just off the Dumbarton Road, in the Partick area of Glasgow.
While the English, Welsh and even the French have laid claim to the wizard with the peaked hat for centuries, this is the first time that anyone has tried to shift Camelot north of the border.
But Adam Ardrey, amateur historian and one-time SNP candidate, claims that his six years of research prove that Merlin was actually born in the year 540 in the Lanarkshire town of Hamilton and moved to a house in what was then open countryside but, later, was to become the original home of Partick Thistle FC.

What next? Joan of Arc lived in Nairn and supported Forres Mechanics, while Julius Caesar had a flat in Fountainbridge and was a diehard jambo?

Wishful thinking

Does a political resignation ever happen in a way which is "entirely voluntary"? It seems difficult to believe it of Alberto Gonzales. Gerard Baker in The Times is obviously someone whose glass is perennially half-full:

Perhaps the biggest surprise behind the resignation yesterday was that it seems to have been entirely voluntary.
Unlike the removal of Donald Rumsfeld as Defence Secretary last year – a decision made by Mr Bush in the teeth of growing domestic political fury over the Iraq war – Mr Gonzales was not forced from office.
In a somewhat testy statement yesterday Mr Bush said that he had accepted the resignation “reluctantly” and loudly bemoaned the fact that Mr Gonzales’s name had been “dragged through the mud for political reasons”. Other reports said Mr Bush had only “grudgingly” agreed to it when Mr Gonzales offered it last Friday.
It seems that the Attorney-General had finally decided after a summer break from the maelstrom of Washington that he could simply no longer tolerate the heat and opprobrium he generated.
Though Mr Bush may be disappointed, other Republicans are likely to be much happier. There is little more than a year to go in the Bush Administration, but there are still important political-judicial decisions in the Attorney-General’s in-tray.
Being able to confront these issues with fresh blood, someone not tainted by the US attorneys issue, will give the Administration and its Republican allies a much better chance of achieving their objectives.

"Achieving their objectives"? Sure, sure, whatever. Dream on, pal.

On newspaper websites (or biting the hand that feeds me)

Not for the first time, The Sunday Herald's website this morning is something of a disaster area. By the time this post is published, they may have rectified the position, but at present none of the articles appears to be accessible. This is rather more serious than their usual habit of running words together, so as to make certain articles unreadable. I do sometimes wonder why they bother with a website - admittedly it is available for free - but what do their advertisers think? And why does not the editor or proprietor phone up his technical people and demand that they get it sorted? OK, it's Sunday but even so. The answer is probably that no-one at The Sunday Herald gives a toss about their website, surely an attitude that is commercially short-sighted.

Not that other newspaper websites are significantly better. The (daily) Herald is clearly worried that it does not have enough daily content - so it continues to list articles that are days old, without dating them on the summary pages. And it must be one of the most primitive websites around in terms of design. It is worth checking out their so-called political blogs - apparently, updating once in a blue moon is sufficient. (As of yesterday, the most recent posting on one of the blogs was 18 July. Again, why bother if you do not take it seriously?)

Meanwhile, The Scotsman continues to pursue its policy of hiding its opinion pages behind a firewall requiring payment. Does it think that this will enhance its influence over the opinion formers? Who cares what Peter McMahon or Hamish Whatever writes if it cannot be linked to? Once again, why run a website if you want to hide away the 'good' bits? I can't believe it makes much money. But at least the website is technically competent and usually functional.

The Guardian claims to have one of the best and most-read websites in the newspaper world. And I used to think that it was indeed one of the best and easiest to use. But that was until they introduced their new introductory page. Anyone using dial-up (as I am forced to do occasionally) will recognise that the page is so overfilled with photographs and links that it takes far too long to load. It is as if you were covering up a set of efficient and competent knickers with a flashy and incompetent fur coat whose buttons are deliberately designed to make life difficult. (And, as someone who makes regular use of its tv schedules, this nonsense that they are updated daily at 5.25am, when they are frequently not updated until 8am, is irritating - and, if they are prepared to list the Sky Sports schedules, why not Setanta?) Thankfully, The Observer retains the old Guardian format, which in my eyes makes it the best newspaper website available. Shame about its content, which seems to have gone irretrievably downhill since its conversion to tabloid format.

Since its re-design, The Times website has become clunky in the extreme, while its Sunday counterpart continues to refuse to publish its Ecosse section. And what happened to the Scottish version of the daily newspaper that we were promised earlier in the year?

The Independent website is fairly primitive, like The Herald. Also like The Herald, it lists articles from previous days, but at least it has the grace to date them properly. Curiously, it divides its columnists into two sections according to their place in the alphabet - what's that all about then?

The Telegraph has a reasonably competent website but it relies for its Scottish news on that maddo Cochrane whose reports increasingly seem to come from a foreign country.

The tabloids are beneath contempt.

The one good thing is that they are all free. Why buy a newspaper?

Quote of the day

By Alex Neil in The Sunday Times on the alleged denigration (here) of fiscal autonomy by Wendy's hubbie:

Alex Neil, the nationalist MSP, said: “It must be be the first time in history there’s been a marital row over fiscal autonomy.”

Nice quote but I'm far from sure that the story stands up.

Failing to organise booze-ups in breweries

There are those who think that an ID cards system might be worthwhile. Unfortunately, it would be run by the famously 'not fit for purpose' Home Office. Further evidence of that benighted department's incompetence is revealed by The Independent:

Over 500,000 names on the DNA database are false, misspelt or incorrect, the Government has admitted.
Ministers have disclosed that one in seven of the genetic profiles on the controversial database is a "replicate", raising alarming questions about the integrity and accuracy of the entire system.
Around 4 million names are on the database, which is the biggest in the world, and holds details of rapists, murderers, and suspects arrested but not charged.
Thousands asked to give their details to police upon arrest have given false names or alternative spellings of their names. In other cases, mistakes have been made in the spelling of names. Some files include names belonging to someone else, or names of people who do not exist. Altogether there are 550,000 "replica" files.

If the Home Office cannot run a database of 4 million entries, how will it cope with a database of nearer 60 million entries?

Look who's talking

Are we all idiots? Someone called Kayt (sic) Turner writes in Scotland on Sunday:

WE ARE a stupid nation. We are raising a generation of idiots - and what's worse, we see nothing wrong with it. In fact, we celebrate stupidity to such an extent that Homer Simpson is venerated as a cultural icon and included in the Oxford Dictionary of Quotations. Not that most of Homer's acolytes will have any idea what that is.
One of the dumbest oxygen thieves ever is about to win Big Brother (itself a glorious celebration of the thick in our society). Don't get me wrong, Brian is obviously a sweet, genuine and innocent boy, all qualities that should rightly be celebrated. But he's as thick as pig shit. The twins, Sam and Amanda (dumb and dumber) are equally lovely - and equally stupid. We may laugh ourselves silly at the fact that they think an egg is a vegetable, but that's all they know. And they are completely unencumbered by shame at their lack of knowledge. Of course, the idiots will, more than likely, do very, very well when they leave the house. Jade Goody - surely the biggest eejit of all time - earned millions.
Look around you - nothing but idiots.

Er, speak for yourself. But someone who has obviously taken the trouble to become conversant with the goings-on in Big Brother may not be the most appropriate person to complain about the general standard of intelligence.

Especially when that someone cannot even spell their own first name ...

Irritating

Davina McCall standing in for Ken Bruce on Radio 2. Is she an intelligent woman pretending to be stupid or is she just stupid? Either way, it's irritating. Almost as irritating as Jeremy Vine's desperately contrived stirring of so-called human interest stories appearing in that day's tabloids. And now that Sarah has been cast into the outer darkness, there's only Wogan to justify switching on the radio - and, as we all know, he's a Xylon from the planet Tharg ...

Sorry, it's been a slow news day.

It's not kinder und kuche any more

The Guardian reports:

Gordon Brown and his German counterpart, Angela Merkel, met in Downing Street yesterday, ostensibly to discuss ways to improve healthcare in poorer countries and other essential EU business. But the real purpose of the chancellor's visit, perhaps, came later in the day when the two leaders went to watch England play Germany in a football friendly at the new Wembley stadium.
Mr Brown and Mrs Merkel have much in common: they are like-minded politicians with no-nonsense leadership styles, and are known to get on well. More relevant to last night's outing may be that they both succeeded far more flamboyant leaders - Tony Blair and Gerhard Schröder - and could do with a little lightening up on the image front.

And both of them could support the winning team!

Educashun, educashun, educashun

The question nobody seems to ask - what do we get for all this extra spending? Are Scottish children better able to read or do sums or pass exams? The BBC website reports:

Each school pupil in Scotland receives hundreds of pounds more in education funding than those in England, figures for 2005/06 have revealed.
Almost 12% more was spent on primary school pupils north of the border compared with those in England.
At secondary level, the rate of spending was 24% higher in Scotland.
The Scottish Executive warned against making direct comparisons between the two countries and said the different systems of education played a part.
An average of £4,318 was spent on primary pupils in 2005/06 in Scotland, compared with £3,684 south of the border.
For secondary pupils local authorities spent an average of £5,771, in contrast to £4,638 for England.

Doing comparisons is difficult, I accept, especially when the major comparator has exam systems like this, also described by the BBC:

GCSE grades have improved again, with more top grades being achieved in England, Wales and Northern Ireland...
There was a tiny fall in the overall pass rate - entries marked from A* to G. It fell from 98.1% to 98%. The total number of entries rose a little to just over 5.8m.

Imagine that: a pass rate of 98%. Must be quite difficult to fail.

A good start?

Oh aye, those policy themes that Ms Alexander preaches?

• a competitive yet compassionate economy

Well, no-one would advocate an uncompetitive economy, would they? And I don't hear many calls for a return to unbridled, ruthless, tooth and claw capitalism. It's a balancing act, of course, but where would Wendy place the fulcrum?

• consumer not producer focused public services

You don't run a health service for the benefit of nurses or an education service for the benefit of teachers, although with Scottish Labour in the past I sometimes wondered. Even so, it is not exactly revolutionary to suggest that public services should benefit the public.

• empowering people and communities, not institutions

You mean, like denying the people the ability to vote in a referendum?

• developing Scottish solutions for Scottish aspirations

Well, we wouldn't want English (or Polish, or Belgian) solutions, would we? And, actually, can you have a solution to an aspiration? You may solve a problem but solving an aspiration may be a bit more tricky.

Look, I know that politicians have to say something from time to time and, if it has to be anodyne platitudes, we can live with it. But memo to the politician whose brain is supposed to be the size of a planet - must do better next time.

Why does McLetchie hate pensioners?

A needless reform. The Scotsman reports:

THE ban on pensioners carrying out jury service in Scotland should be lifted, a senior MSP yesterday said.
More than 200,000 Scots could be recruited if the age limit for jury service was raised above 65, according to former Tory leader David McLetchie, himself a lawyer.
At the moment, anyone above the age of 65 is excluded from sitting on a jury, but the Edinburgh Pentlands MSP said this fails to recognise older peoples' expertise and experience of life.

Pensioners have far better things to do than sitting on juries.

Quote of the day

From The Independent (here). On being accused of selling steaks of zebu meat, an animal somewhat remotely related to a cow:

JD Wetherspoons said it sold 140,000 steaks a week. It added: "Zebu is ... taxonomically identical to any other breed of cattle such as Charolais, Limosin [sic] or Hereford."

Oh well, that's all right then ...

Buggins' turn

There is something wrong with the Labour Party. Gordon Brown became leader unopposed. Now Wendy Alexander is doing the same for the leadership of the party in Holyrood. This is reminiscent of the magic circle that dictated the leadership of the Conservative Party in the 1960s.

There is no point in having an electoral college if there is no choice on offer. If the leadership of the so-called people's party is determined by the ruling clique without any vestige of democratic challenge, then we're up the creek without a paddle.

This Scotland

Edinburgh: the only city in the world where armed robbers make their getaway by bus. The Evening News reports:

AN armed robber stole a "substantial" amount of cash from a New Town newsagents after threatening the shop assistant with a knife.
The raider, who was wearing a balaclava, carried out the robbery at Canonmills Newsagents, before making his escape on a bus.
The terrified female shop assistant handed over a three-figure sum, which police officers described as a "substantial amount of cash".
The man, believed to be aged between 20 and 25, then fled the Howard Street shop, removed his mask and ran into Warriston Crescent.
He was then spotted standing at a bus stop next to the Standard Life building at the west side of Tanfield.
It is believed he got on to a bus heading towards the north of the city.

And, no, I don't know why The Evening News believes that each sentence deserves to be a paragraph.

"Cecilia, you're breaking my heart ..."

Quote of the day from Cecilia Sarkozy (in The Observer here):

'Je ne me vois pas en first lady,' she once said. 'Je ne suis pas politiquement correcte: je me balade en jean.' Which translates roughly as: 'My husband might be the President, but I wear the trousers.'

Well, almost near enough - but not quite.

The honesty of politicians

Compare and contrast:

JACK McConnell has blamed the war in Iraq and turmoil in Westminster for his election defeat in May's Scottish elections, claiming that matters "were outwith my control" ahead of the poll.
In his only full interview following his resignation as Labour leader last week, McConnell admitted he felt "total frustration" during the campaign over his inability to seize the agenda.
The war in Iraq, speculation about Gordon Brown's takeover as PM, and other Westminster affairs overshadowed his campaign, he said, depriving him of the chance to state his case.

(Source: Scotland on Sunday here)

Wendy Alexander: "The SNP did not win on some sort of presentational trick. Their victory was a judgment on Labour. Yes, Iraq and allegations about cash for honours played their part, but we in Scottish Labour must also take a hard look at ourselves.
Despite Scotland undeniably getting better, with good things happening, many voters simply didn't feel it. What is clear is that people who had given us their support in the past withheld it this time. The SNP won because they seized Labour's agenda of hope and aspiration."

(Source: Scotland on Sunday here)

Death and taxes

The Tories want to abolish it but then they would, wouldn't they? Is inheritance tax such a bad thing? Should bloated capitalists be able to transfer the entirety of their ill-gotten gains to their trustafarian offspring? Or, to put it another way, should the modestly well-off middle classes be penalised for having accumulated a certain level of savings?

First point to note. If the estate in question passes to the husband or wife of the deceased, it is entirely exempt from inheritance tax. So there is no issue about widows or widowers being forced into penury by the rapacious grasp of what used to be known as the Inland Revenue.

Second point. Tax is payable at a flat rate of 40 per cent on the amount by which the value of the estate exceeds £300,000 (as of now; this ceilng is due to increase in future years). Accordingly, if the value of an estate amounted to £500,000, the inheritance tax payable would be £80,000 (£500,000 - 300,000 x 40%). Is this so unreasonable?

Of course, if your estate is worth £5 million, the inheritance tax is proportionately greater. In this case, the tax would amount to £1,880,000 (£5m - 300,000 x 40%). But I find it difficult to have any sympathy for those who are about to inherit over £3 million after tax.

Put it down to envy if you like.

More info here.

Nice grub

How can you resist looking at the menu and the costs of the First Minister's dinner with Shir Sean Connery (here):

Proscuitto [sic] di Parma, Mozzarella di Bufala [sic], Tomatoes and Chargrilled Vegetables with Bruschetta
Wild Scottish Sea Bass roasted with Italian Herbs, Salsa Verde and Fresh Summer Salad
Gorgonzola Dolce, Loch Arthur Mature Farmhouse Cheese, Criffel [?], Homemade Oatcakes and Grissini
Torta di Limone

The costs were:
Food and Drink for 17 guests - £1,026.50
Waiting staff - £235.00
Flowers - £185.00
Total: £1,446.50

Schools - or why was nothing done before now?

I have some sympathy for Edinburgh Council even though it will come in for a fair bit of stick over its proposals to close some 16 schools. But if there are not enough children to fill the schools, what can the Council do? Here are three points which neither The Scotsman this morning or The Evening News this afternoon appears to have considered.

1. The proposals will be subject to consultation. I would not put it past the Council to have announced a worst case scenario from which they may gradually row back over the months ahead. It would be invidious to play politics with children's schooling but in circumstances where any school closure would be the subject of enormous criticism it would be understandable - if less than excusable.

2. Look at the map of the proposed closures, conveniently provided by The Scotsman. Some of those sites will be worth a fortune. Yet the capital value of the saleable properties is said to amount to about £16 million. I would have thought that the sale of just three primary schools - Abbeyhill, Stockbridge and Drumbrae (with Drumbrae's associated land) with the appropriate planning consents would comfortably exceed that figure.

3. Edinburgh is signposting the way ahead for local authorities all over the country. Sooner or later, the rest of them are going to have to bite the same bullet. And if you don't believe me, you only have to look at the figures quoted here.

Decisions, decisions ...

Magnus Linklater in The Times (here) is generous about Mr McConnell's departure:

The departure of Jack McConnell, after 5½ years as First Minister, was brisk, low-key and unremarkable – much like his time in office.

Of course some of us might suggest that, far from being brisk, it took three months of dithering before Mr McConnell could make up his mind - much like his time in office.

The food of love

It's a point of view, I suppose. But I don't agree with this from James MacMillan in The Guardian:

Scotland's place in the history of European music suffered two near-fatal body blows in 1560 and 1603. The ancient universities of Glasgow and Aberdeen were founded in the 15th century, and music played a vital role. Collegiate chapels cultivated, besides Scottish music, English decorative composition, music by the Burgundian Dufay and Flemish-inspired polyphony. Scottish liturgists travelled to Rome, Paris and the Netherlands, absorbing the fashionable musical traits of the day.
In 1560, the Scottish Reformation stopped this all abruptly. The liturgy became a principal battleground, involving a violent repudiation of the past and of foreign influences. The second blow came with the departure of the Scottish court in 1603. At the very time when aristocratic courts all over Europe were becoming central in sponsoring great composers, Scotland lost the main arena where great music could be created and thrive. The result was an absence from our culture which has damaged the national soul and psyche, and the reverberations of this are still apparent today. Scotland's history is littered with such absences, and facing up to them honestly should be part of our modern identity surgery.
Dealing with these ruptures should involve a dispassionate examination of the errors of the past. It would be markedly different from the sentimental, saltire-waving orgy of identity politics in which we are now embroiled. It would involve facing up to the difficult truth that our conscious destruction and abandonment of various heritages, musical and otherwise, was religiously inspired. It might even involve an embrace of things that have hitherto repelled us.

I rather doubt that a lack of musical inspiration is one of our greatest problems. But even if it were, there is not a lot we can do to bring back a royal court or reverse the Reformation. Instead, let us celebrate the fact that for at least two weeks in the year we can see and hear a festival of some great music.

Then there's T in the Park.

Jack the diplomat

So farewell, Jack McConnell. You have had a few unhappinesses in recent years - that damn kilt and the golf club dinner are only two of them. But, at least, you kept the show on the road for five years - until the wheels came off last May.

And now big Gordon has appointed you as High Commissioner to Malawi, according to The Guardian (here). Congratulations. I suppose that will mean a by-election for your present seat.

Quote of the day

On the successor to Jack McConnell (from The Herald):

One senior colleague said yesterday: "Who else is there? Wendy has many strengths and we shall have to make sure she has a strong team around her to compensate for her weaknesses."

Not exactly a ringing endorsement, is it?

It's good to talk

As part of 'the national conversation', the Executive (aka the Scottish Government) has set up what they describe as a blog here. It's not really a blog, but it enables members of the great unwashed public to submit comments.

Rather to my surprise, this is proving to be enormously popular. Since being set up some time between 10 and 11 am this morning, by 6 pm it had received 198 comments.

Not sure what this means. Either the national conversation is well under way or there are a lot of mouthy people out there. Or both.

The bonkers blogger opines

At the risk of extending my readers' indulgence a little further (see comments on previous post), I have now read the White Paper. You can read it here.

I have to say that it does not seem to me like a sop to SNP activists. Indeed, if I were an SNP fundie activist (which thank the Lord I'm not sir), I might be a little upset at the consensual tone of the text and at the apparent willingness to contemplate an outcome which may well fall short of independence.

Conversely, one is led to wonder why Messrs MacConnell, Stephen and Goldie are getting their knickers in such a twist. OK, the idea of a national conversation is trite but refusing to participate would seem to be dubious politics. The bold Alex is seen to be prepared to listen, to debate and - apparently - to accept the will of the people. Perhaps it's just spin, perhaps not. Meanwhile, Jack, Nicol and Annabel are throwing their toys out of the pram in a fit of pique.

Incidentally, the White Paper is, I think, well written. Not something I can usually say about Executive documents.

But then, according to some of my interlocutors, I'm probably bonkers ...

BBC news values

Look, I know that the bulk of it has already been leaked. Even the opposition's reaction to it has been pre-announced. But the publication of First Minister's Salmond's white paper at lunchtime today is surely the biggest political event since the May election.

In such circumstances, I would have thought that BBC Scotland might have suspended its usual anodyne day-time programming to cover the proceedings. But no - apparently cartoons are more important.

By contrast, this evening the entire BBC1 Scotland prime time schedule has been junked in favour of some Glasgow football match or other.

The soap opera continues ...

Confused? You will be. The Scotsman reports:

Asked yesterday to explain the changes to the Tynecastle coaching set-up, Hearts' communications executive David Southern said: "It's not changed at all. Not in the slightest. Anatoly is still sport director; Stephen Frail is still assistant head coach and Angel Cerenkov is still assistant coach."
Frail is the front man of the operation but is always referred to as the No2. What's not clear is who the No1 is.
"It's not a classic coaching hierarchy," admitted Southern. "We don't do pecking orders at Hearts and that's the thing people struggle with.

The really interesting revelation is that Hearts have a "communications executive". Who'd have thunk it?

Nailing your colours to the mast

The Daily Telegraph, or rather Mr Cochrane (for, yes, it is he), takes an uncompromising line:

As we inch towards tomorrow's White Paper on Independence, those self-same unionist parties should send a clear and unambiguous message back to Mr Salmond. It should read: "Save your breath, Alex. We're not prepared to work with you for as long as you bang on about a referendum on independence."
And that means that they should resist the SNP leader's siren call to include options for more powers for the Scottish Parliament, as well as full independence, in any referendum...
As well as the Lib Dems resisting the bait, so too should the Tories, some of whom have flirted with the idea of extra powers, especially in the area of fiscal powers. That sort of dangerous constitutional tinkering should be put well and truly back in its box.

So, rather like the Scottish Labour Party, Mr Cochrane appears to wish for a ditch in which to defend the status quo. (Or perhaps, by abolishing devolution altogether, he would prefer the status quo ante.)

But what if the Scottish people are not averse to further constitutional tinkering? Is it better for the unionist parties to claim that they know what is good for Scotland, to insist that all is for the best with the present devolutionary settlement and to deny the people a choice? Or to engage wholeheartedly in a debate about where we go from here?

I can see various difficulties with extending the powers of the Scottish Parliament but refusing to talk about the subject (or putting it back in the box) is a counsel of despair. It also makes the First Minister look like a model of reasonableness.

I've told you before

It would not happen if they wore proper football boots, instead of glorified fancy-dan carpet slippers.

The Vulcan is back

Over the years since 1997, the Tories appear to have learned nothing and forgotten nothing. The Times outlines their latest crackpot ideas:

The group, whose report will be issued on Friday, is headed by John Redwood, the former Cabinet minister, who remains a significant figure on the Right. It will call for the restoration of Britain’s opt-out of the European social chapter — which was removed by Labour in 1997 — as Mr Cameron has already proposed. But, in a controversial move, it will also suggest that Britain should unilaterally “disapply” EU regulations where they are considered to be against the national interest. It also calls for a repeal of working time regulations.
Mr Redwood said that his proposals would be “the biggest attempt at tackling deregulation ever made by a British government. British business would get a saving of £14 billion a year, which would be a tax cut by any other name. It would be on top of any other tax cut the government could achieve.”
The report will also propose repeal of data protection laws and many rules affecting the financial services industry, including ending the regulation of mortgage lending. It would be easier for companies to make staff redundant, care home restrictions would be relaxed to create more places, and health and safety regimes reviewed or scrapped, including rules on incineration and protective equipment. Other proposed measures include scrapping controversial home information packs and horse passports and lightening the regulations on herbal remedies, charity bingo and raffles.

So there you are. Forget about sub-prime mortgage lending in the US; let us free up the domestic mortgage market. Worried about foot and mouth? - abolish horse passports. Concerned about standards in care homes? - let's reduce regulation. Perturbed about some of the goings-on in the financial services industry? let's scrap the rules. Oh and, by the way, prepare to have to work 60 plus hours per week or face the sack. And who benefits? Well, private industry's profits will eventually be boosted by £14 billion per year.

Now doesn't all that give you a warm glow inside?

Panic on the stock markets

Should I be panicking? Happily, The Guardian offers some reassurance:

What can I do about it?

Not much. Worried investors may sell their shares or unit trusts, but this could be at a loss.

Oh well, in that case, I'll pour another beer and watch the rugby on the telly.

Greenery

Ah yes, Larkhall. Sophisticated, cosmopolitan, liberally-minded? Well perhaps not.

The Herald reports:

Following a spate of attacks over the past three-and-a-half years, protective wire grilles have been placed over every green traffic light in the Lanarkshire town of Larkhall.
Since January 2004, 205 traffic lights, the vast majority of them green, have been damaged or stolen - at a cost of nearly £17,000 to the public purse.
Those believed to have such an aversion to green are thought to be some teenage Larkhall residents with a preference for blue, white and red.

I particularly admired this explanation:

Last night, a South Lanarkshire Council spokesman said: "The council's traffic signal contractor has experienced problems with vandalism throughout the county and, as the green light is the lowest, this tends to be targeted the most.

Ingenious, but I don't think so ...

The Scottish Six

Me, I'm not that bothered. I rarely watch the BBC 6pm news, which seems to have become increasingly tabloid in its approach, hyping up the human interest stories while ignoring anything which might demand a little intellectual effort on the part of the viewer. And Jackie and David on Reporting Scotland are little better. The idea that BBC Scotland could successfully put together a comprehensive news programme seems a little far-fetched.

I suppose that there is a precedent on the radio, where Good Morning Scotland competes with the Today programme. But does anyone seriously interested in the news of the day opt consistently for GMS?

Cleverly, the First Minister has consigned the issue to the long grass by setting up his commission, nevertheless giving the chattering classes something to chew on while implicitly recognising that he can't really do anything substantive in the short term. Meanwhile the Labour Party high heidyins will be spitting blood about the proposed 'collaboration' of Henry McLeish.

Doubling up

Douglas Fraser is The Herald's esteemed Scottish political editor. But, on a morning when the Scottish political news is dominated by the First Minister's broadcasting commission, Mr Fraser seems to have become The Herald's weather correspondent; he writes:

Scotland last month faced rainfall 41% above the average for July and the June figure was 60% over the normal level.
But that was swamped over the past two months by rainfall over England, which was 218% above the average last month, while June's was 233% more than the long-term mean...
England's rain in June and July was the worst on record for those months, but there have been 16 wetter Julys in Scotland since the current records were first kept in 1914.
The downpours followed England's warmest ever spring, while Scotland had its second warmest, beaten only by 2003.

While I am all in favour of multi-tasking, I have to wonder if this is the best use of Mr Fraser's valuable time?

Fort Apache

What you won't read in The Guardian or The Times or any other UK newspaper. The Washington Post has the story:

"The British have basically been defeated in the south," a senior U.S. intelligence official said recently in Baghdad. They are abandoning their former headquarters at Basra Palace, where a recent official visitor from London described them as surrounded like cowboys and Indians" by militia fighters. An airport base outside the city, where a regional U.S. Embassy office and Britain's remaining 5,500 troops are barricaded behind building-high sandbags, has been attacked with mortars or rockets nearly 600 times over the past four months.

True or not? Read the whole article and judge for yourself.

Carelessness

This is unbelievable incompetence. The Guardian reports:

The US has lost track of about 190,000 weapons issued to Iraqi security forces since the 2003 invasion, some of which will have ended up in the hands of insurgents, according to an official report published in Washington. Among the missing items are AK-47 rifles, pistols, body armour and helmets.
The disclosure adds to the picture of the chaotic and clumsy administration of Iraq that has emerged over the last four years.The report, by the government accountability office, which sent its report to Congress last week, found a 30% gap between the number of weapons issued to Iraqi forces and records held by US forces in Iraq. No one in the Bush administration knows where the weapons are now.
The 20-page report ... says the Pentagon and the multinational force in Iraq responsible for training "cannot fully account for about 110,000 AK-47 rifles, 80,000 pistols, 135,000 items of body armour and 115,000 helmets reported as issued to Iraqi forces as of September 22 2005".

I suppose that anyone can misplace the odd AK-47, but how do you lose track of 110,000?

What's with the belt, then?

Because of my former occupation/location, I used to have to make a lot of flights. Security was always fairly tiresome. When I retired, one of the great pleasures in life was not having to go near an airport. So, until last month, I avoided flying; indeed, the last flight I took was in March 2004.

Needs must, however. And during the last three weeks I have flown to Malaga from Edinburgh and back. Apart from the somewhat ridiculous requirement that any liquid amounting to more than 100 ml in volume is banned (unless of course you buy it in the airport after you have passed through the initial security check), the security arrangements are not significantly different from the early 2000s.

But there is one notable difference. You must take off your belt and put it through the X-ray machine. What for? I cannot conceive of any possible security consideration for such a course of action. After all, they give it back to you, leaving you free during the flight to deploy the belt to throttle an air stewardess, if that is your wont. And, by their nature, belts are not obvious hiding places for guns or explosives. So what, exactly, is the point?

And, no, my trousers did not fall down.

Bandwagon-jumping

The Sunday Herald has launched a new competition:

BLOGTASTIC SCOTLAND
So you think you can blog?
The Sunday Herald has teamed up with anCnoc whisky to find Scotland's best blogger.

Oh wow! How exciting!

Our new competition is designed to find the best bloggers.

And how do you propose to do that?

That's where you come in. A modern single malt Scotch whisky, anCnoc is a quality dram with accessible yet complex flavours. Distilled at Knockdhu distillery, since 1894, under the dark Knock Hill - known to locals by its Gaelic name of anCnoc - the award-winning single malt is renowned for its outstanding smoothness and support of Scotland's arts and creative scene. It's that vibrancy and excitement that we want bloggers to capture. The title you'll be working to is: "My modern Scotland". When you are ready to write, head over to www.sundayherald.com/blogging and get typing.

So you want me to write an essay about "My modern Scotland"? What has that got to do with blogging?

They can go and get stuffed. I don't mind The Sunday Herald having competitions for good writing but why dress it up as anything to do with blogging?

Bye-bye Korky

So farewell to The Dandy. You were the Stones to the Beano's Beatles, the Sundance Kid to the Beano's Butch Cassidy.

No more cow pie. Probably just as well in the light of yesterday's events down on the farm.

Do turkeys vote for Christmas?

They do if they are Liberal Democrat turkeys. The Herald reports:

The Liberal Democrats are set to appoint Nicol Stephen as Scottish leader for another four years, despite the party's lacklustre performance at the Holyrood election.
Mr Stephen has secured the support of all 15 of his parliamentary colleagues at Holyrood, which makes it technically impossible under the party rule book for there to be any challenge against him.

It's not getting better

The Guardian does not appear to carry a report on the matter, while The Indie relegates it to the inside pages, but yesterday's developments in Iraq are of some significance.

The walkout by the major Sunni party from the Iraqi government leaves the latter looking pretty threadbare, especially as the more radical Shiite elements led by Moqtada al Sadr withdrew from the government in June. Meanwhile the bombings continue - even as Vice President Cheney thinks that 'significant progress' is being made.

As I understand the position, there are essentially two arguments for the continued presence of US and UK troops in Iraq. The first is that they provide the security to restore effective and democratic government, a proposition which seems increasingly unlikely given the present incapacity of the present Iraqi administration.

The second is that the withdrawal of US and UK troops would make matters worse. This may indeed remain true, even although the present situation is hardly what one would describe as stable. But, to be brutal about it, is the continued presence of our troops merely postponing the inevitable break-up of Iraq and the accompanying bloodbath? If our troops remain until 2008, or 2010, or 2020, trying to keep the lid on and no doubt suffering continued casualties, is there any greater likelihood of a peaceful resolution? The last four years would indicate a lack of progress, even a deterioration, in the prospects. To suggest that things will get better in future is an expression of hope rather than experience.

It won't be easy getting out of Iraq but it has to happen sometime. And staying in Iraq would be no less difficult. I vote that we leave sooner rather than later.

Do Rangers really need another full back?

So Hibs have sold Steven Whittaker to Rangers for £2 million.

I can hardly blame Mr Whittaker, as he will no doubt be doubling (at least) his earnings, to the extent that he will be set up financially for life, even if he never gets a game for the Rangers' first team. Nor can I blame Hibs - £2 million would have been an awful lot to turn down for a 23 year old yet to break into international football. I cannot even be unduly critical of Rangers; football is an exemplar of tooth and claw capitalism and, if they - along with Celtic - choose to deploy their relatively massive resources to hoover up all the best talent in Scottish football, then that is their right and privilege.

But something is wrong. Mr Whittaker follows his predecessors in recent seasons, Kevin Thomson and Ian Murray, both of whom opted for the lucrative path from Easter Road to Ibrox. Neither has managed to establish himself as a first team regular at Ibrox and, because of a lack of first class match practice, neither has fulfilled any international aspirations. Will Mr Whittaker be any more successful? We'll see.

And is this good for Scottish football as a whole? To have talented Scottish players sitting on a bench at Ibrox and Parkhead while the other teams are denuded of quality?

Alas, 'twas ever thus.

What next?

Two things 'they' never told us when the trams were being given parliamentary backing:

1. From today's Scotsman (here):

TWO of Edinburgh's busiest streets could be closed to cars under plans being considered by city leaders.
As part of the blueprint for the new trams network, it is understood that Shandwick Place would only be open to trams, taxis and buses, while Constitution Street in Leith would be used only by trams.

2. From last Saturday's Scotsman (here):

COUNCIL tax payers could be left to pay for a shortfall in funding for Edinburgh's tram scheme, the city's deputy leader claimed yesterday.
Steve Cardownie predicted a gap in the £45 million pledged by the council because of the lack of business contributions to the project.

Is there anything else we should know? I mean, before we get too deeply into this mess? And don't you think we might have been told before Parliament gave its final approval to the scheme?


Update:

My question is already answered. The Evening News reveals that what's next is that the city streetscapes are to be littered with 32 dirty great, bright red, freestanding ticket machines to dispense tram and bus tickets. As if our main city highways were not already sufficiently cluttered with street furniture.

I am beginning to get hacked off about the trams ...

There's a wee surprise ...

Does the following sentence seem familiar? It is taken from Alan Cochrane's article in today's Telegraph and concerns Jack McConnell.

But as he contemplates his future, and his golf swing, at his own particular Colombey les Deux Eglises - in this case the Isle of Arran - his party's cause isn't really being helped by the vacuum at the top.

Compare and contrast this extract from my post of two days ago on this blog:

The sense of drift while Mr McConnell contemplates his options and tampers with his golf swing at Lamlash-Les-Deux-Eglises becomes more palpable by the day.

Probably just a coincidence?

The footie season starts this weekend coming ...

The Evening News reports:

HEARTS have ended months of speculation over their managerial structure by appointing Anatoli Korobochka and Stephen Frail as the club's permanent coaching team.

Hearts' permanent coaching team? Now there's an oxymoron for you.

An irony-free zone

Do you ever wonder about the military mindset? I don't.

The BBC reports:

Nato is considering the use of smaller bombs in Afghanistan to try to curb the rising number of civilians killed during operations against the Taleban.
Commanders have also ordered troops to hold off attacking militants in some situations where civilians are at risk.

Oh well, that's all right then. I'll stop weeping.

Worse things happen at sea ...

Children all over the country are rejoicing at this report in The Scotsman:

THE floods that ravaged parts of England could also leave their mark on the Christmas dinner plate, a new report warns.
The trade magazine the Grocer says shortages in the wake of the recent floods could last until the end of the year with the British crop of brussels sprouts badly hit.
Torrential rain across much of the country has added to the woes of growers and threatened availability levels in supermarkets. Up to half of the UK's brussels sprout crop has been lost, fuelling fears of Christmas Day shortages, producers have warned.

Besides, if you have not already put the sprouts on the boil, you are probably too late for Christmas 2007.

Jack the pothead - allegedly

I find it difficult to become worked up about the association (as reported in The Sunday Herald) which Mr McConnell may or may not have had with a student guidebook advocating the merits of smoking cannabis while he was at Stirling University 27 years ago. We all did stupid things at university; that is one of the reasons that universities exist.

But we are now almost three months on from the elections. It is time that the Scottish Labour Party pulled itself together and decided who will lead it into the future. The sense of drift while Mr McConnell contemplates his options and tampers with his golf swing at Lamlash-Les-Deux-Eglises becomes more palpable by the day.

Like the encouragement formerly offered to some of the lesser (and occasionally the greater) footballing teams in this wonderful wee country of ours, my advice to Mr McConnell is straightforward:

Dae Sumthin!

The PM as Hugh Grant

Gordon's 'Love, Actually' moment here. Unfortunately, it's a fantasy. Shame, really.

More babies?

The Herald goes to town on the strength of a slight revival in the number of births last year:

Scotland's public services could face a major shake-up in health and education policies, increasing hospital and school provision after years of decline because of an unexpected baby boom across the nation.
Official figures released yesterday confirmed there were more births in Scotland last year than deaths, bringing the first rise in the nation's natural population for more than a decade.
The statistics dashed years of official doom-mongering that has prompted authorities - from NHS boards to councils - to plan for historic decline in numbers at everything from maternities to schools.
Now those same authorities are gearing up to cope with an increase in population thanks to a healthy birth rate and a continued influx of people from the rest of the UK and eastern Europe.

I wouldn't get too excited - yet - about this "new baby boom". The graph here shows that the 2006 figure of 55,690 births represents a welcome halt to the decline in birth numbers, even if it does not prove to be sustained in the longer term. But 55,690 is still well below the 65,000-70,000 achieved in the 1980s, as well as substantially below the 90,000 to 100,000 in the 1950s. In other words, the long term trend is still of decline.

I know that The Herald has to fill its newspaper but let us calm down, please.

Definitely not mince

I can only admire the poetic talent of Mr Eugenides. This is his wonderful valediction for Shambo:

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy T-bone,
Silence the tambourines and with muffled drums
Bring out the burger buns, let the ketchup come.

Let cattle trucks circle moaning round the barn
Scribbling in the dirt the message, Shambo Is Dead,
Put mournful garlands round the white necks of the temple monks,
Let the government veterinarians wear black rubber gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My midweek sandwich and my Sunday lunch,
My stir-fry, my fillet, my stock, my chop;
I thought that leftovers would last for ever: I was wrong.

The barbeques are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the mustard and dismantle the grill;
Pour away the gravy and sweep up the wood.
For no meal now will ever be as good.

Great stuff!

The politics of physicality

Well, it's a theory, I suppose. The New Statesman embraces the idea that the Tories are -literally - carrying too much baggage:

One rising star of the party, still looking for a seat at the next election, says: "We are too fat and too rich and we look like we don't give a shit." There are even whispers within the party that Cameron himself is looking too chubby, despite all the cycling. "We don't look like we want it. We are quite literally not hungry enough," the source said. The same younger Tories have been forced to recognise the talent of Brown's phalanx of young lieutenants. Man for man, pound for pound, they say, the shadow cabinet is roughly five years older and half a stone heavier.

While more exercise would probably benefit the Tory shadow cabinet, it is unlikely to be enough. In any case, it is worth bearing in mind that the removal of Mr Prescott was bound to lead to a sharp decline in the average weight of the Labour cabinet. And it remains to be seen if the boy Milliband and wee Dougie are actually up to the jobs they have been allocated, regardless of their no doubt admirable physical condition.

Besides, a little - we are being generous here - excess avoirdupois does not seem to have done Mr Salmond any harm.

The demon booze

Here is the conclusion of a handwringing essay in The Guardian on the subject of booze:

The problem, I would argue, is not 24-hour drinking, much less the fact that lager companies sponsor football trophies and tennis tournaments. We could talk for hours about how we change what officialspeak terms "attitudes to drinking" and make very little progress. So, try this: booze is far too cheap, and the case for a tax hike, along with action on supermarket discounting, therefore seems pretty much unanswerable. But faced with a titanic alliance of retail giants, brewers and pub chains - not to mention an electorate drinking for Britain - would any government dare make a move?

Though this conclusion is rather undermined by the previous paragraph which admits that there is a problem even in those areas where cheap booze is not available.


The article entirely neglects the fact - well known to the Treasury - that a tax hike on booze merely increases the huge flow into the UK of significantly cheaper booze acquired legitimately or illegitimately on the continent. I don't know what the answer is to the problem of excessive drinking but I doubt if increasing tax by 7 pence on a pint of beer and by 70 pence on a bottle of spirits will make a significant difference.

Most unbelievable proposition of the week

... is offered by The Edinburgh Evening News:

THIERRY GATHEUSSI today revealed how Hibs' growing reputation in France for playing classy football convinced him Easter Road was the place for him.

Oh yeah. I just bet that the guys are sitting around in cafes, from Auxerre to Lyon to Marseille, sucking on their gauloises and saying "Vous savez, les Hibs, aujourd'hui ils jouent le foot d'un ton tres élevé".

As if.

Silly man

An unnecessarily vicious review by art critic Adrian Searle in The Guardian of the new Beryl Cook exhibition:

Beryl Cook: a homely, round name for a woman we imagine is also round and jolly and homely. Her art depresses me. I thought I would be able to summon some sort of enthusiasm for its Englishness, its playfulness, its sauciness. But I can't. The best that can be said is that Cook celebrates ordinariness - large women with large appetites, broad-shouldered men, hen parties, booze-ups, dances, dinners, shopping, sunbathing, a bit of slap and tickle. At least ordinariness in Cook's art is more various than one might think: the bloke next door is a shoe fetishist, and even Saga members like a bit of kinky sex. All the girls, and some of the boys, like a sailor. Cook's is an art without any pretentions other than to please.
...
I suppose the word for Cook's work is "affirmative". Another word would be "cliched": Cubans smoke cigars and drive wrecked 1950s cars. Argentinians like to tango. There are sleazy bars and prostitutes at the harbour end of the Ramblas in Barcelona. Cats like fish. Women sometimes get riotously drunk and bawdy. We know because Cook's paintings show us. We knew anyway, and so feel comforted in our view of the world. It is all as cloying as a cup of Ovaltine.

I don't know what Ms Cook has done to offend Mr Searle. Perhaps it is because, as well as being a great and original artist, she is popular. Or perhaps it is that the exhibition is in Gateshead, far from the usual metropolitan stamping ground.

Baaah!

What can you say? 'Thoughtful' sums it up:

PRINCE Charles surprised his wife, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, with an unusual gift of two sheep as they celebrated her 60th birthday with a glitzy party.
Camilla is said to be "delighted" with the rare breed ram and ewe, which cost the heir to the throne about £300 each.
"The Royal Family have so much already that they don't actually give wildly extravagant presents," said a source close to Camilla. "Their gifts tend to be more thoughtful."

I may not have been the most 'thoughtful' husband in the world, but I rather doubt that my ex-wife would have welcomed the gift of two sheep.

Blowing smoke

If Scotland on Sunday is going to run scare stories, it would be helpful if they got the facts right. This nonsense for instance:

And just as worrying as the soaring production rates is the fact that the cannabis is today around seven times stronger than the era when many top politicians were smoking it.

Well, no, it's not. According to The Independent (here)

The Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs, which examined the issue 18 months ago, will be asked to do so again. It concluded in its report in December 2005 that the strength of cannabis resin (hash) had changed little over 30 years and was about 5 per cent tetrahydrocannabinol (THC). Skunk, it found was 10 to 15 per cent THC - two to three times as strong...

There is something of a difference between seven times as strong and two to three times as strong.

Scotland on Sunday also produces this absurd non-sequitur:

DETECTIVES are shutting down at least one cannabis factory a week in their battle to contain an illegal industry created by reclassification of the drug.

So the introduction of cannabis factories was 'created' by the reclassification of the drug. Any evidence for this statement? Does anyone believe that a reverse of reclassification would wipe out cannabis factories?

Drugs are a serious problem in society. It does nobody any good for newspapers to get over-excited.

The narrative truth

Quote of the day - Matthew Parris:

Satan might nip back to Tory HQ to advise the new leader on how best to make the change, be the change. And what he most assuredly does not say is: “Here’s a nifty stunt: fly to Rwanda and make like you’re doing NGO stuff with some starving Africans. Voters will think you care, ha-ha.”
He says: “Look, David, you do care. But you need to show it or you’ll never be prime minister and put your principles into action. We both know – and for Pete’s sake, the voters know – that a few days in Rwanda surrounded by cameras can’t achieve useful fieldwork; but your visit works on deeper levels. It’s a metaphor, David. It says ‘I care’; it says ‘Tories care’; it says ‘the issue matters’. It says ‘The Conservative Party has changed’. It’s the narrative, David, and the moral of the story is true, even if the story itself is a bit . . . er, constructed.

Constructed? It's a stunt. And there is no moral to the story.

Am I bovvered?

Hey, it's no big deal. The Guardian reports:

There are blogs that are popular, with thousands of hits every day; there are plenty more that are not so hot, lucky to get 10 page views a week. Then there is Xu Jinglei's blog, which can pull in visitors at a rate of more than 100 every second.
The Chinese actor-director has been declared the world's most widely read blogger, with more than 100m page views in less than two years.

But I bet she doesn't write about Scottish politics.

I should reach 100m page views in about 2324 ...

Playing games

It's all a bit pointless. The Guardian reports:

Russia yesterday expelled four British diplomats and banned its officials from travelling to the UK in a move denounced as "completely unjustifiable" by Britain.
In a tit-for-tat response over the murder of Alexander Litvinenko, Russia's foreign ministry announced that four UK diplomats had been declared persona non grata. They had 10 days to leave, it said.

Which achieves? Well, nothing really. Does anybody win in this game of tit for tat? Childish ...

My confession

So, the Home Secretary once smoked cannabis.

I have to confess that I have not. It's not a question of morality. It's just that, when I was at university in the late 1960s, I didn't move in the right circles. Well, OK, I was a wee swot. And the opportunity never came my way.

But it doesn't mean that I am a bad person. Does it?

Anthing goes - or maybe not

I sometimes wonder if the attractions of modern life are on the wane. The Independent reports:

In olden days, according to Cole Porter, a glimpse of stocking was looked upon as something shocking. Today, however, the garment's main shock value seems to reside in its rarity rather than its ability to titillate.
A new report has suggested that when it comes to a choice of legwear ­ in public at least ­anything other than stockings goes.
The slide of the stocking, which has been under attack since the invention of the pantyhose in 1959, is part of a more general trend, it was claimed. According to the market analyst Mintel, total UK hosiery sales slipped last year to £272m ­ down from £319m in 2002. But stocking sales were worst hit, plummeting 50 per cent ­ from £10m in 2002 to £5m last year, making up just 2 per cent of all hosiery sales.
Once the epitome of big screen glamour, immortalised by movie sirens such as Anne Bancroft as the carnivorous Mrs Robinson in The Graduate, modern generations consider stockings to be quite simply inconvenient.
Younger women it seems are more likely to buy hold-ups or footless tights ...

Not sure that I know what 'hold-ups' are - which probably defines my ignorance of young women today.

Not being a resident of London, I'm not sure that I care much either way

Somehow, I get the impression that Polly Toynbee is not a great admirer of Boris:

"Jester, toff, self-absorbed sociopath and serial liar, the man could still win. Even Conrad Black called him "a duplicitous scoundrel", and he should know."

Don't sit on the fence, Polly! Tell us what you really feel.

Council housing

A curious article on housing policy by Iain Macwhirter in The Herald this morning. After noting Prime Minister Brown's damascene conversion to the virtues of council housing, he goes on to comment:

Will the advocates of housing stock transfer, such as Wendy Alexander and Frank McAveety, now be speaking up for council house building in the Scottish Parliament? For it looks as if the winners in the new housing policy may be those areas such as Edinburgh which voted against stock transfer, despite the urgings of the Scottish Executive. Under Brown's new policy, the capital city will presumably now be able to start building again, using its annual housing rent receipts as collateral. With 24,000 people on Edinburgh's waiting list and 100 applications for every council home, it will not be before time.

But "Brown's new policy" will not necessarily apply north of the border and Edinburgh's SNP-LibDem administration is unlikely to opt for a wholesale adoption of either the old or new Labour policy on council housing. As for the Scottish Executive, it is concentrating its eggs in this particular basket for the moment - little sign there of a renewed emphasis on council-owned housing.

We will know that a return to building council houses is imminent if the governments north and south of the border address the right to buy issue. Until then, there is no point in building council houses when they have to be sold off at a massive discount under the Right to Buy scheme.

Getting one's fix

It's not easy when you are an addict. You have to rely on a continued supply of those goods which make life worth living. Accordingly I was deeply concerned when I read this article in The Guardian:

Confectionery group Cadbury Schweppes said today its flood-hit Sheffield sweets factory will remain out of action for several more weeks.
The plant, which employs 900 people, makes Jelly Babies, Liquorice Allsorts and a range of other products both branded and own-label, and was badly affected by the flooding that hit the north of England last month.
Production at the factory has been suspended and Cadbury said it would be some time before it is fully operational.

Disaster! What am I gonna do? But then the sky cleared and the black clouds disappeared:

Manufacture of key brands such as Jelly Babies has been transferred to other factories and it is thought unlikely there will be any product shortages.

Phew!

Scrumming down for Scotland

Look, First Minister, are you sure about this? It would be what Sir Humphrey called a brave decision. I mean, these guys don't mess around - this would be cut-throat stuff.

No-one would blame you if you wanted to stick with the usual political issues. Local income tax, the West Lothian Question, the Barnett formula - those are a doddle compared to this dispute.

And you'll get no political thanks. These guys only ever vote Tory. And it's not as if, even if you pulled it off, there would be more than an occasional victory over Italy (on a good day).

Well, if you insist, First Minister ...

The Scotcman reports:

ALEX Salmond is willing to offer the services of the Scottish Executive to help sort out the crisis in Scottish rugby, it emerged last night.
The First Minister's offer came as the Scottish Rugby Union announced it was prepared to enter into limited negotiations with Edinburgh Rugby in an attempt to end the stalemate that has crippled the professional sport in Scotland.
A spokesman for Mr Salmond said the First Minister was willing, in principle, to help in any way he could if approached by the SRU.

This is a rip-off

You will read a number of articles in the press this morning about the decline of the dollar (here and here, for example). And, sure enough, the BBC business website records the spot price, as of this moment, as 2.0355 dollars to the £. This is great news for those about to go on holiday to the States (even although it is less welcome news for the domestic tourist industry seeking to attract American tourists).

But I wish to draw your attention to the amount of dollars that you will actually get if you seek to exchange your sterling currency in preparation for your holiday. In particular, I would direct your attention to the Bank of Scotland's currency converter which this morning is offering a mere 1.9388 dollars to the £.

Accordingly, you may calculate that for every dollar that the Bank buys for the purpose of re-selling to the British tourist it is making some 9 cents on the deal. But this 9% profit of course assumes that the bank is able to buy at the spot rate. This is probably unreasonable as even the Bank has to pay for financial transactions, but nevertheless its costs will be substantially less than 9%; indeed, I would be extremely surprised if they exceeded 1%. Than you also need to consider that the bank is also exchanging pounds for dollars to the few American tourists (or golfers) that continue to come to our shores; although they do not publish the rates, you will not be surprised to hear that the Bank will charge the poor saps rather more than 2.10 dollars to the £. Thus the Bank wins both ways.

Ah, but you remind me, foreign currency trading is a chancy business - exchange rates can change from day to day. Well, that is true - but rates go up as well as down and, if you are a dirty great bank, than what you lose on the swings you will gain on the roundabouts.

This post is not intended as a specific criticism of the Bank of Scotland. I have no reason to believe that they are any worse than any of their competitors. But, collectively, this is an area of the banking industry where naked greed is ripping off the customer. And it is about time the Financial Services Authority did something about it.

Letting the dice fall as they may

Some of us may welcome this development. The Guardian reports:

Gordon Brown yesterday tore up Blairite plans for a supercasino based in Manchester, breaking with his predecessor and reasserting Labour's moral stance in the face of the Conservative focus on family values and the "broken society".
...
Yesterday it became clear that Mr Brown intends to drop the largest venue, while proceeding with the other 16. He has never been an enthusiast for gambling and raised the top rate of gaming duty to 50% in the budget...
But the timing of Mr Brown's remarks raised eyebrows in Westminster. His spokesman said the prime minister had not discussed it with the cabinet, but had agreed a position with the new culture secretary, James Purnell...
Whitehall sources said there was virtually no prospect of the regional casino going ahead.

What happened to the new regime of cabinet government? And is this the new way of making government announcements - to slip them out in a response to a government backbencher during Prime Minister's Questions?

The search for a hero

Even The New York Times cannot resist the story:

John Smeaton proved to be a natural born Internet star.
Mr. Smeaton, a baggage handler, was one of the first witnesses to emerge in coverage of the failed plot on July 30, most notably in long interviews on the BBC and CNN.
With a heavy local accent, strong chin, close-cropped hair and ample doses of machismo, Mr. Smeaton started off his story with a sequence fit for an action hero before the climactic fight. Cigarette in mouth, he told himself “What’s the score? I’ve got to get this sorted.”

This interweb thingy has a lot to answer for.

Gesture politics?

Here is an extract from one of today's Executive press releases:

Funding of £250,000 to support more than 120,000 people in communities most affected by the violence and unrest in South and West Darfur was today announced by the Executive.
The funding will contribute to the Scottish Catholic International Aid Fund's (SCIAF) emergency effort which is ongoing in the area.
Minister for Europe, External Affairs and Culture Linda Fabiani said:
"I am delighted to be able to offer support of £250,000 to help those most in need in South and West Darfur.
"With the arrival of the rainy season, we are looking at immediate and practical solutions to support impoverished and displaced people. In an area where three quarters of the population are farmers, this money from the Scottish government will provide essential seeds, tools and training to allow people to begin planting to feed themselves and their families."

Very worthwhile, I am sure. But I have to point out that £250,000 spread around 120,000 people will not go very far - I make it slightly less than £2.09 per head. How many seeds, tools and training will that buy you? And what about the other 2 million displaced persons in Darfur?

Nevertheless, I suppose that every little helps ...

Lost in showbiz

What does it say about the political pundits on telly when the most important thing in the Campbell diaries is that they get a mention? Thus Sky's Adam Boulton devotes virtually an entire blog post to setting out the insults he receives - and he is mightily pleased about it. On the other hand, Nick Robinson of the BBC is miffed beause he only gets one reference (describing him as a 'jerk').

What a pair of self-centred clowns ...

News values

After all, it was only 130 dead Iraqis (and 240 injured). It may have happened only yesterday, but you won't find it here on the BBC website news front page. Instead, it is hidden away here.

Barnett re-visited

Not necessarily a bad idea. The Scotsman reports:

The growing clamour for change seemed to be acknowledged for the first time by the government this week, when one of Gordon Brown's Cabinet ministers told peers that ministers would not block attempts by the House of Lords to set up the special select committee in the autumn.
Amid rising dissatisfaction at Westminster about the so-called "Scots' subsidy" whereby those north of the Border have £1,500 more per head spent on them, the Leader in the House of Lords has agreed to consider setting up a special select committee. Lord Barnett told peers that the House of Lords now had a "unique opportunity" to review the formula through an ad hoc select committee.
Baroness Ashtal, the leader in the Lords, said she would "consider it carefully". She added: "We believe that the Barnett Formula has served us well, but it is reasonable and understandable that from time to time representations are made about whether it should be reviewed."

It would probably be helpful to remind certain commentators that the Barnett formula is a mechanism for reducing Scotland's share of comparable public spending. Given the slowness with which it is achieving its objective, there may be a case for review, although it is hard to see how any change to the formula could be other than relatively arbitrary.

If it is accepted that Scotland 'needs' higher spending per head - for example because it is less densely populated, thus requiring more roads expenditure per head of population, or because it is less healthy, thus requiring more medical treatment per head of population - the difficulty arises in quantifying how much extra spending is 'needed'. Unless and until that quantification is undertaken, it is difficult to say how far and how fast any replacement for the Barnett formula should aim to reduce Scotland's advantage in terms of comparable spending.

But, if their lordships want to dip their toes into this extremely muddy water, then hell mend them ...

Parliamentary exchange of the day

From yesterday's oral questions to DBERR:

Peter Luff (Mid-Worcestershire) (Con): ... What will be the role of another new friend, Sir Digby Jones? Will he be using all his traditional powers of tact and diplomacy to ensure that the regional development agencies are better co-ordinated in overseas markets?

Mr. McFadden: Comrade Digby, as we call him in the Department, will have a very important role to play. He has been outspoken on the issue, and I am sure that he will be a vocal and effective voice in ensuring a co-ordinated approach by RDAs working abroad.

Grown-up behaviour?

I don't know who is worse - those who smoke in the toilets or those who clipe. The BBC reports:

MPs have been accused of flouting the smoking ban - and even sneaking cigarettes in the Commons toilets.
Although it is not illegal to smoke in the Palace of Westminster, both Houses decided to ban it at the same time as the rest of England, on Sunday.
But Labour's Betty Williams told MPs the ban was "already being abused" and offered to show Commons Leader Harriet Harman where people were smoking.
MPs joined in with cries of "division toilets" and "toilets".

Pathetic.

A question of taste

Matthew Parris on men's footwear (here):

As a boy I was told by my Oxbridge headmaster in Swaziland that in England a gentleman never wears brown shoes with a grey or blue suit in town.
... I have tried, however shabbily, to stick to that. But I’m noticing that in today’s London very respectable people indeed – better-dressed than me – are beginning to wear brown shoes with any suit. Was I wrong, I asked a smart friend, James Landale, of BBC News 24? James’s brow furrowed.
“The question doesn’t arise,” he said. “One doesn’t wear brown shoes at all.”

Indeed.

Tsk, tsk

I appreciate that it is only 9 weeks since the elections, but that is surely time enough to have sorted the matter. The BBC website reports:

First Minister Alex Salmond has insisted he will take just one parliamentary salary.
Earlier it had emerged he has been paid by both Westminster and the Scottish Parliament since he became an MSP in May's Holyrood elections.
Mr Salmond said he would continue claiming his MP's salary and repay the money he has received from Holyrood.
Before the Scottish election said he would draw just one salary if he was also elected as an MSP.
Under the terms of the Scotland Act, politicians sitting in both Holyrood and Westminster, are entitled to an MP's salary of £60,000 plus a third of the £53,000 paid to MSPs.
In addition, Mr Salmond, who is the MSP for Gordon and MP for Banff and Buchan, collects a further salary of £77,000 as first minister.

Not that giving up an MSP's salary is such a big deal. He would only have been entitled to a third of it, so Mr Salmond is in effect only giving up some £17,700 per year, resulting in a nominal salary of £137,000 (£60k as MP and £77k as FM).

And then there are allowances ...

Do not tangle with these guys ...

This should be interesting. The BBC reports:

Contempt of court action will be taken later this year against a Sunday newspaper over a story it ran shortly before the Angelika Kluk murder trial.
Associated Newspapers - publishers of the Mail on Sunday - are alleged to have potentially prejudiced the trial in its front page story of 4 February. Editor Christopher Williams and Allan Caldwell, the freelance reporter who wrote the story, also face charges.
They deny any wrong doing. No date has been fixed for the contempt hearing.
...
The contempt issue is to be considered by a three-judge court over four days later this year and is expected to be regarded as a test case for the media and its reporting of legal proceedings.

If I were in charge of Associated Newspapers, I'd make sure to get a good lawyer. This is not London. Scottish judges may not take kindly to the Scottish judicial system being treated - allegedly - with contempt.

Some confusion here, perhaps?

David Cameron (here) in response to yesterday's statement by the Prime Minister on the constitution:

Today, the situation is that neither he, nor I, nor any Member of the House has the right to vote on hospitals, schools or housing in his constituency or in other parts of Scotland, yet he is able to vote on hospitals, schools and housing in my constituency. We already have two classes of MP. Is it not the case that the only effective way to solve that problem is to give MPs in English constituencies the decisive say in the House on issues that affect only England?

Mr Cameron was echoed by Michael Howard:

I welcome many of the proposals that the Prime Minister has put forward, but in rejecting the case for English votes for English laws, he said that he did not want to create two classes of Members of the House. Is it not a fact, as pointed out by my right hon. Friend the Leader of the Opposition, that we already have two classes of Members of the House—those who are able to vote on all measures affecting their constituents, and those who, on many measures, are able to vote only on measures affecting the constituents of others?

I might argue that there are no two classes of MPs at present. All of them have the right to vote on all measures affecting constituents in England but none of them has the right to vote on certain measures affecting constituents in Scotland. The situation may not be symmetrical but - for now at least - all MPs have exactly the same rights in terms of what they can and cannot vote for. To suggest that there are already two classes of MPs is misleading.

Or am I dancing with the angels on a pinhead?

Only in Glasgow

Probably disgraceful.

The hard man goes to paradise?

The Herald and The Scotsman are comprehensively scooped by The Telegraph:

John Reid, the former Home Secretary, is poised to become the next chairman of Celtic Football Club.
Mr Reid, an ardent fan of the Glasgow club, has been offered the job and is understood to be "highly likely" to take it, according to senior sources. Mr Reid will replace Brian Quinn, 70, who has been chairman since 2000 and has made it clear he wants to step down.
The appointment of Mr Reid, 60, has been pushed for by Dermot Desmond, the Irish entrepreneur who is the largest shareholder in the club.

But will Dr Reid find that Celtic are 'fit for purpose'?

Gesture security

Max Hastings in The Guardian (here):

A dilemma confronts the Home Office, intelligence services and police chiefs every time a terrorist incident takes place. They know that, rationally, there is little chance that imposing car checks at airports will accomplish anything more than adding an hour or two's delay to every passenger's flight time. Yet they are also acutely conscious that if they fail to be seen to raise their game, and another would-be terrorist then crashes into a British airport terminal, it would be a resignation issue.
The usual compromise is that extreme security checks are introduced for some days following a major incident. Then, when the headlines cool and the economic disruption becomes intolerable, security reverts to "normal". This does not represent a logical approach, but it is hard to see any way around it in a democracy vulnerable to media frenzies.
It is also hard for ministers and the police to pitch their public utterances. A reasoned statement, following the weekend's events, might have gone something like this: "After so much speculation about attacks on Britain by terrorists wielding weapons of mass destruction and biological weapons, it is a relief to see these attempts made with weapons as crude as cars filled with petrol and gas cylinders. The group carrying out the attacks are grotesque amateurs. At worst, their efforts might have inflicted the level of fatalities caused by a motorway smash." In reality, of course, it would be unthinkable for anyone in authority to say anything of the sort. Spokesmen must talk gravely about "a threat of dreadful carnage", because anything less would sound flippant and irresponsible.

Which does not make it any less annoying if you have to catch a plane.