Notes from the bunker

This blog has come into possession of what purports to be an extract from the diary of a Scottish Executive special adviser:

31 August 2006

Well, as you can imagine, all hell broke loose yesterday when the FM got back to the office after his business breakfast with the Chamber of Commerce. Douglas asked the FM who had briefed him to say that the dispersal of public sector jobs away from Edinburgh would be good for Edinburgh's economy. The FM said that he had intended it as 'a sort of joke'; he didn't expect the press to pick it up. Douglas pointed out that the story was emblazoned on newsagents' billboards all over the city, that the private office had been fielding calls from furious Labour MSPs, that Councillor Aitken had already issued a refutation of the FM's remarks and that the party HQ was in something of a lather (to put it mildly). The FM went into a mood (an increasing tendency these days) and allegedly muttered that it would blow over soon enough. Apparently, it is 'the battle of ideas' that matters. When asked, I told Douglas that I didn't know what he meant, either.

We junior special advisers reckon that the FM is losing the plot. He won't listen to anyone outside the charmed circle. Even cabinet meetings have become a formality - if there is no immediate agreement on an issue, the responsible minister is invited to submit a memo (which then sits on the FM's desk for months). He won't speak to anyone in Westminster (and no-one in Westminster will speak to him).

He has always been a bit flakey; remember that bloody pin-striped kilt (or the golf club dinner)? But the gaffes seem to have been coming thick and fast lately, from the World Cup to that business about the only problem with independence being how to get there. And now this latest mess. And each time, the FM draws further into his shell and away from the world. It's as if we can just ignore next May's elections. He refuses to attack the SNP or the LibDems; even the Tories are allowed to self-destruct quietly, without any help from Labour. He says that, as the father of the Best Small Nation in the World, he is above that sort of thing.

Meanwhile Long Tom and Margaret Who Must Be Obeyed are plotting insurrection with Scary Lesley from party HQ. The whisper is that they have the blessing of the Big Yin from the Treasury. We understand that they were originally content to bide their time until after next May. But the electoral damage is now likely to be so severe that there is talk of of an early confidence vote to be followed by a speedy special party conference.

Things can only get worse!