Licence to kill

Apocryphal conversation between Harold Wilson, then Prime Minister, and press secretary, Joe Haines, as reported in The Guardian:

" Finally, Joe forced the point. Asking, with that somewhat cruel incisiveness for which he is well known, "Do you want to know if we should get Idi Amin bumped off?"
Wilson shied like a Church of England vicar asked if he believed in heaven. "Well, he's . . . that is, he's . . . the truth is Joe, our agents report he's been eating people. It's got to stop. So, what are we going to do?" Haines answered, "I'm usually against capital punishment but he's killing about 7,000 people a week. In this case I'm for it."
"I'll call the Foreign Office," said Wilson.
A senior mandarin was summoned. After the problem was explained, the Foreign Office chap acted with stunned disbelief. Drawing himself up, he thundered, "Sir, we are the Foreign Office. We do not have people murdered!"
There was a longish pause and someone said, "What about the MoD?"
With an upper lip stiffened by Whitehall protocol, the man acknowledged that putting people to death did have a sort of distant connection with the MoD's business of the day. "The problem is, prime minister," he said, "we just don't have the sort of chaps trained to carry out the kind of work you have in mind."
"But, you've got the entire army," protested Wilson.
"Yes," he agreed. "And if you wanted to invade Uganda with an army, or even a brigade, that would be fine - provided the chiefs of staff are in accord, of course. We just don't have a chap who can pop over there and get the job done like they do in the cinema."
"What about MI5?"
"Frightfully sorry, sir. They deal with internal threats and security."
"MI6?"
"Actually, sir, no one does that sort of thing. At least not at a high level. We all have a bit of an understanding that we don't go around knocking off each other's heads of state."
"Are you saying the secret agents of all countries have given up on assassination?"
"Well, yes, since that chap stabbed the fellow with the poisoned umbrella tip."
"Are you serious?" "Certainly. Look at the Americans. When they wanted Castro removed they had to ask the Mafia to do it for them. And that didn't work. All that happened was everyone ended up laughing at them. We wouldn't want that."
Wilson gave up, and Amin lived on. "