"Men should keep a few basic grooming points in mind. First, they would be wise to remember the two words that strike fear into the heart of women everywhere: back hair. On a remote beach in Ibiza, I once saw a man who appeared to have put a gorilla suit on under his microscopic shrunken trunks. Not a good look."
Oh dear... On the other hand, the good news:
"Clearly, Mr Speedos could be a fun holiday distraction. But the chap in the floppy, flappy shorts is certainly a better long-term proposition. For while Speedos are the sartorial equivalent of Pina Colada (one will do every 10 years), bathing trunks are something you could be happy with every day, rather like a cup of Earl Grey.
And as a final word of caution to the man who thinks he looks fine in skimpies, I say (with apologies to Ogden Nash):
Sure, deck your limbs in Speedos
Yours are the limbs, my sweeting.
You look divine as you advance
But have you seen yourself retreating?"
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