1. Why do Clarence Seedorf and Jurgen Klinsmann speak better English than Alan Hansen and Alan Shearer?
2. Why does Clive Tyldesley insist on labelling the Dutch left back as Gee-oh when the guy's name is Giovanni (pronounced Joe-vanni)?
3. Why was Paul, the German psychic octopus, never interviewed, despite having a much better prediction record than the usual TV pundits?
4. What is the point of Kevin Keegan?
5. Is it necessary for Jonathan Pearce to raise the pitch of his voice to screaming point whenever a player approaches the opposition goal mouth?
I dread to think of how much they are paying this sorry crew ...