"If we grant that McConnell, Sturgeon, Goldie and the rest were making a serious attempt to exercise their prophetic powers – rather than indulge in mere electioneering – this was a grim affair. Recycling has increased from five to 23%, Jack boasted during a list of his achievements. Most of that could be attributed to his speech.
Election campaigns, said Jack, form "the most creative time in democratic politics". Nobody laughed. This is, he said, "an exciting time to be a member of Scotland's parliament". Miraculously, no sharp objects were hurled.
The First Minister went back to the future to talk about the past. At least in the movies, Michael J Fox had use of a cool hoverboard. Jack was wafted onwards by hot air alone. The economy, education, health, crime, poverty: all was for the best in the best wee colony in the world.
Jack has discovered education and globalisation simultaneously, and not a moment too soon. Apparently – and why did no-one think of this before? – "the task for Scotland's parliament and government is to equip Scots with the skills that are globally useful". Surviving parliamentary debates with your consciousness intact is a talent worth acquiring."
I accept that the debate was less than inspirational (I turned off the telly after five minutes of the First Minister's speech), but you can't really expect oratory from this lot of politicians.
And it's nice for Mr McConnell to have discovered globalisation.
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