The semiotics of names

It is only a week or two since I mocked the names of the US candidates for the presidency (here). But we in Scotland have nothing to be proud of.

Many years ago, Billy Connolly noted that the aspiring Scottish middle classes had a tendency to give to their sons first names which were more commonly known as surnames: thus Farquhar McTumpshie or Cameron Mackintosh. By and large, this pattern is restricted to those who send their sons to fee-paying schools in the East of Scotland (and of course to expatriates). This has carried over to Scottish politics.

The true Scottish public schoolboys (Fettes, Loretto, Glenalmond, etc) do not indulge in this practice. Hence Tony (Blair) and Alistair (Darling) have perfectly sensible first names. The more traditional Labour politicians also have sensible names - Jack (McConnell), Gordon (Brown), John (Reid), Douglas (Alexander). Some of them would like to be more middle class and therefore pretend to be posher than they are (I mean, whoever heard of an East Fife footballer called Henry (McLeish)?). Others take an overtly proletarian approach by sticking to the sternly stalinist diminutive, thus Tom (McCabe), Andy (Kerr) and Cathy (Jamieson). See also Tommy (Sheridan). As if by mistake, Bristow (Muldoon) has slipped into Labour ranks; his lack of progress up the greasy pole is the obvious result.

The SNP are also more or less OK. Alex (Salmond) and Nicola (Sturgeon) are really neither one thing nor the other, while John (Swinney) is positively dull.

It is the LibDems that fall into the Connolly trap. Charlie (Kennedy) is excused boots as he was originally a member of the SDP. Nevertheless, we have Menzies Campbell (wouldn't you just know that he was a Watsonian?) and Nicol Stephen (Robert Gordon's of course). And what can one say about Tavish (Scott)? Would you enter a coalition with people who call themselves by two surnames?

The Tories don't really matter, but it strikes me that Annabel (Goldie) and Murdo (Fraser) have first names which are deeply suspicious...