They're a fly lot at Tannadice

I thought that I had already heard most of the excuses for poor play but there is always something new. The Scotsman reports, rather improbably:

FOLLOWING the recent insect infestation, another supposed menace descended on Tannadice yesterday but Hibernian proved notably less capable of troubling their hosts in a match of alarmingly low quality. A pitch damaged by a plague of daddy long-legs played a significant part in this.

It must be a sign of heavenly displeasure with Dundee United. One plague will follow another. Relegation must be on the cards. If I were the manager, I'd keep my eye on any passing locusts.