Going down under

From Sajid Javid's diary (he's a cabinet minister who takes the blame when things go wrong - a sort of Osbornian lightning rod):

Monday

I’m skyping David Cameron and George Osborne. Dave is on a beach in the Canary Islands, with his eyes closed, with his iPhone balanced on a tanning mirror he’s holding under his chin. George is in London, sitting in the dark. I tell them I’m about to get on a flight to Sydney, so I’ll be out of contact for 24 hours.

“Big deal,” murmurs Dave. “You’re only business secretary.”

I don’t say anything.

“Isn’t he?” says Dave, opening his eyes.

“Definitely,” says George. “And it’s a very important position! Which is why we gave it to Vince Cable!”

They both snigger.

“Guys?” I say.

“Mate,” says Dave. “Joshing. You do a great job. Dealing with all that vital China stuff.”

“That’s mine,” says George.

“The Northern Powerhouse stuff,” Dave corrects himself.

“Also mine,” says George.

“Anyway,” I say. “I’ll be back in about a week. Thought I might stretch it out into a holiday. I’m taking my daughter.”

“Don’t leave her there,” says Dave, closing his eyes again.