Emergency conference. Kellyanne is back, and Ivanka, and the boys, and my alt-right guy, Steve Bannon. News has broken about a dossier of disgusting allegations about my relationship with the Russians.
“More fake news!” I’m shouting. “Lies!”
Ivanka says she doesn’t know what a golden shower even is, anyway. Then Donald Jr says there’s one next door, next to the golden bidet. Then Steve says it’s actually a political party in Greece.
“Great guys,” he adds.
“That’s not it,” I say. “I know what it is. Don’t ask how. But it’s a lie. I’m a germaphobe.”
“It’s a smear,” says Kellyanne.
“More a stain,” says Eric.
“Oh God,” says Ivanka, who has just looked it up on her iPhone.