Does he know what he is doing?

Do you suppose that, before recalling parliament, Mr Cameron thought carefully what he might do if parliament were not prepared to support his proposal to make war on Syria - or at least to participate in an air-strike?  Did he take the necessary soundings about the possible parliamentary outcome with the other parties and, especially, with his own backbenchers?  Did he have a plan B in case parliament was reluctant to toe the line he wished it to?  The answers are obvious, now that the recall has proved fundamentally pointless, as any crucial vote will not take place until next week at the earliest.

Now consider this.  Has he thought through the implications of an attack on Syria?  It might make him feel better to have been seen to be doing something, but will it do anything to stop the civil war in that benighted country?  And while the medieval kingdoms of the Arabian peninsula might applaud, what of the Arab street?  And if the UK (and the US and France) does not respect international law and the United Nations, why should any other nation?

Or will Cameron just barge ahead, hoping that someone else will clear up the mess?

 

You know you're getting old when ...

1.  You have no idea of who are the celebrities in the Big Brother show (with the obvious exception of Big Ron) and, worse, you don’t really care.

2.  When you get down on hands and knees to read the gas meter, you find it difficult to get back up.

3.  You get fed up with people enquiring why you do not possess a mobile phone.

4.  You have no idea what “twerking” is.

5.  You prefer to listen to Radio Gold with its comfortable mix of 60s and 70s music, rather than tolerate the self obsessed so-called personality DJs on Radio 2 who have little or no interest in music.

Chips on shoulders

You might have thought that we had more important things about which to argue.  The Independent reports on a major controversy:

It is a gastronomic preference that has long divided natives of Scotland’s two biggest cities. But Edinburgh’s long-standing love affair with salt ’n’ sauce on its fish and chips has brought cries of racial discrimination from a Glaswegian.

Tony Winters, an electrical engineer, was told he would have to pay a 25p surcharge for tomato ketchup in an Edinburgh chippie. He now plans to take his complaint to trading standards officers....

As the debate over sauce choices rumbled across social media, Paul Crolla, the owner of the chip shop in question, defended his decision. “Fish and chips is an Edinburgh thing and people want salt and sauce on it,” he said. “If it was up to me I wouldn’t give anyone ketchup because it ruins the whole thing. Salt and sauce goes with fish and chips, anything extra should be paid for.”

Me?  I regard anything other than salt as an abomination - brown sauce, red sauce, vinegar, they detract from the crispiness of the batter.

How Cameron gets it wrong

It's not that difficult.  But painting yourself into a corner is not the way to go about it. CityAM illustrates the point:

PRIME Minister David Cameron has cut short his holiday to chair a meeting of the UK’s National Security Committee on how to respond to an alleged chemical attack in Syria.

He is also set to make a decision today on whether to call back other MPs early to discuss the atrocity.

A Downing Street spokesman said yesterday: “The Prime Minister will be working from Downing St ahead of a meeting of the National Security Council scheduled for Wednesday. The government will decide [today] whether the timetable for our response means it will be necessary to recall MPs sooner than Monday when the House is currently due to return.”

If he wants to recall parliament, he should just do it.  Because, now, if he decides not to, he will be excoriated for failing to allow MPs their say.  In such circumstances, he could only plead that nothing will happen before next Tuesday at the earliest, thus revealing his hand to all and sundry.  Poor politics.

'Dae sumthin!'

Aye, but what?  You might almost feel sympathy for Obama, Cameron and Hollande:  The Independent reports:

Military action against Syria moved a step closer last night after Britain and the United States warned President Bashar al-Assad that there would be a “serious response” to last week's chemical weapons attack in Syria. As fresh footage emerged of children killed in the strike against a Damascus suburb last Wednesday, David Cameron and Barack Obama agreed in a 40-minute phone call yesterday that the Syrian government was responsible for the atrocity and that all military options are on the table.

The two leaders agreed that "a significant use of chemical weapons would merit a serious response" and a "new stage" in the two-and-a-half-year civil war. In a sign of how the military build-up is escalating, Washington despatched a fourth naval warship to the Mediterranean capable of launching missile attacks on targets on the Syrian mainland. Mr Cameron and the US President are "looking for a response that makes clear our abhorrence about the use of chemical weapons", a British source said. "Both shared the view that there is little doubt that this was a significant use by the Assad regime of chemical weapons against his own people," a No 10 source said.

Is there anything that can be done to make things better?  Would a few missile strikes end what amounts to a civil war?  Would a no-fly zone seriously clip the wings of Assad's forces?  How can the west stop the Syrians killing each other (and their children)?  It might be possible to assassinate Assad, but would he not be replaced by another strongman?  Or do we just sit on the sidelines and let the tragedy play itself out?

No easy answers.

Be it on your own head

Well, OK, if you absolutely insist.  But I warn you, it will really put you off your lunch.

Music of the week

Sorry to hear of Ms Ronstadt's troubles.  One of the greats.

Does the referendum matter?

Scotland is already going its own separate way, according to Steve Richards (here):

The more influential ministers in the [UK] coalition ache above all to radically challenge the role of the state, to achieve the reverse of the 1945 Labour government. Remarkably, given that they rule in a hung parliament, they have found the space to pursue their radical ambitions. Few in England voted for a revolutionary overhaul of the NHS, the near privatisation of universities, a further decline in the power of local government, a framework for education that paves the way for a return to selection and the introduction of profit-making schools, but that is what they are getting. In their fervent disdain for the state as a mediating agency, ministers focus with special energetic intensity on areas over which they happen to have no powers in Scotland.

As a result Scotland becomes more markedly different than ever. In Scotland the NHS is spared the haphazard revolution in England. The education secretary, Michael Gove, is powerless to impose his resolute will on schools in Scotland and the same applies to his other more evangelical colleagues moving England rightwards. Without doing very much Scotland becomes more different because of what is happening in England. The limited powers handed over to the Scottish parliament are precisely the ones that partly protect it from the ideological mission of the Westminster government. The cautiously incremental New Labour settlement [of devolution] becomes the basis of historic distinctiveness.

But does this inevitably and inexorably lead to some form of independence?  Or is there a stopping point at devo-max, where enough seems to be enough? Or, in today's interdependent world where sovereignty is always and at least partially pooled, is the difference only a matter of semantics?

 

The rise of the machines

So NASDAQ went down for two or three hours, which has led to a fair amount of soul-searching.  The Guardian reports:

The statistics are stunning: about 90% of all the data in the world has been generated in the past two years (a statistic that is holding roughly true even as time passes). There are about 2.7 zettabytes of data in the digital universe, where 1ZB of data is a billion terabytes (a typical computer hard drive these days can hold about 0.5TB, or 500 gigabytes). IBM predicts that will hit 8ZB by 2015. Facebook alone stores and analyses more than 50 petabytes (50,000 TB) of data.

Data is also moving faster than ever before: by last year, between 50% and 70% of all trades on US stock exchanges was being done by machines which could execute a transaction in less than a microsecond (millionth of a second).Internet connectivity is run through fibre optic connections where financial companies will seek to shave five milliseconds from a connection so those nanosecond-scale transactions can be done even more quickly.

Does anybody understand all this?  I guess I hope so ...

Quote of the day

Matthew Norman in The Independent (here):

Back in July of 2005, to be a Brazilian in transit in London was to send the enforcers of law and order a gilt-edged invitation to a state sponsored execution. Seven short summers after the Met whacked Jean Charles de Menezes on a Tube train for no apparent reason beyond its own staggering incompetence, the law-abiding Brazilian traveller with no conceivable link to terrorism may expect nothing worse than being hauled into a Heathrow interrogation cell, and questioned for the maximum nine hours permitted under the Terrorism Act 2000.

And is there any sign of contrition on the part of Government Ministers, the police and the assorted spooks?  Not that you would notice ...

It's a shame ...

... but there you go.  Poor old Cameron is unable to indulge his idea of holiday fun by slaughtering innocent animals:

David Cameron is suffering from a "phenomenally bad back", which he describes as "a bore" that has stopped him deer hunting.

Speaking during his holiday on the island of Jura in Scotland, the prime minister revealed he was diagnosed with a protruding disc after a medical scan. He is not sure what caused the problem and may have to undergo an injection after the pain did not ease for a week.

In previous years Cameron has stalked the island's famous red deer, but he told the BBC that he now cannot crawl through the heather because of his bad back and prefers to walk.

My heart bleeds for the poor guy.

Gibraltar

Cameron runs into a brick wall.  The Guardian reports:

Spain's increased border controls have led to delays of several hours for those travelling to and from the British overseas territory.

The European commission had previously said that it planned to send a team of monitors to Gibraltar next month to check whether Spain was breaking EU rules on frontier controls, but on Friday a Downing Street spokesman said Cameron had asked Barroso to ensure it was sent "urgently".

Good luck with that.  The European Commission is on a care and maintenance basis during the month of August.  Even if it wished to send a team of monitors, the vast majority of its officials are on holiday.

Wanting it both ways

Our Prime Minister really is a card!  This is a prime example:

More needs to be done to promote the benefits of fracking, a spokesman for David Cameron indicated.

The Prime Minister believes that shale gas offers “exciting” potential for energy security, jobs and growth but it should only be carried out if there is “no risk” to the environment.

The problem is that you cannot have one without at least a certain amount of the other.  To pretend otherwise is simplistic nonsense. 

    

Convenient?

You would have to be extremely cynical to believe that the current stooshie over security was a weird attempt to justify the obsessive levels of surveillance by the NSA and GCHQ.  The Guardian reports:

The closure of 22 US embassies over an alleged security threat was seized on by defenders of the National Security Agency on Sunday, amid claims that its controversial surveillance programme alerted authorities to "pre-9/11" levels of terrorist chatter.

A meeting of President Barack Obama's top security officials on Saturday concluded that intelligence apparently gathered from overseas communications intercepts showed a serious but unspecified threat against Western and US interests. The administration moved to shut the embassies across North Africa and the Middle East as a precaution.

Intelligence committee members in Washington who had been briefed on the alert said it was the most serious they had seen for years and repeatedly cited the threat during Sunday's political talk shows as a reason to resist growing calls in Congress for reform of the NSA's sweeping powers.

Nobody would be so arrogant as to manufacture a security crisis of such proportions, would they?  Would they?

Quote of the day

Nigel Farage of UKIP on the government's latest anti-immigration initiatives (here):

"Spot checks and being demanded to show your papers by officialdom are not the British way of doing things. Yes, of course we want to deal with illegal immigration, but what's the point of rounding people up at railway stations if at the same time they're still flooding in through Dover and the other nearly hundred ports in this country.

"I'm astonished that the Home Office has become so politicised that they're actually advertising 'another 10 arrested'. Before long they'll be live video-streaming these arrests. I don't like it. It really is not the way we've ever behaved or operated as a country. We don't have ID cards; we should not be stopped by officialdom and have to prove who we are."

It must mean something when even Farage considers that the government has over-stepped the mark.


 

Birth Certificate

It's a shame - the poor laddie's parents do not appear to have proper surnames.

Where will it end?

The shape of things to come.  If Ryanair hates its passengers so much, perhaps it would prefer to fly empty planes?  City AM reports:

Ryanair chief executive Michael O’Leary has said the introduction of charges for hand luggage on planes is “unlikely in the short term but it’s probably inevitable”.

Speaking at a news conference in London, the budget airline boss said it’s likely that companies would see the charges as a new revenue stream to be exploited, but said he was unsure of how his company could do it without disturbing its 25 minute turnaround times.

When asked what the logic was behind Ryanair’s €20 increase in charges for hold luggage over the summer period, he said that this is “when people bring more bags. We don’t want the bags. We will keep increasing charges until we get rid of [hold] bags”.

The airline has managed to reduce the number of passengers checking in hold baggage from 80 per cent to 19 per cent and said it was saving them “a fortune in money”. He hopes to get this figure down to ten per cent.

It's grim up north

Much fuss over Lord Howell:

Lord Howell, who advised William Hague on energy policy until April and is the father-in-law of the chancellor, George Osborne, drew gasps of astonishment in the House of Lords on Tuesday for suggesting that the controversial form of gas production could take place in the north-east without any impact on the surrounding environment. Howell later apologised for "any offence caused" by his comments and said he didn't believe the north-east was desolate.

During Lords questions, he asked: "Would [the minister] accept that it could be a mistake to think of and discuss fracking in terms of the whole of the United Kingdom in one go? I mean there obviously are, in beautiful natural areas, worries about not just the drilling and the fracking, which I think are exaggerated, but about the trucks, and the delivery, and the roads, and the disturbance."

The peer, who lives in southern England, said: "But there are large and uninhabited and desolate areas. Certainly in part of the north-east where there's plenty of room for fracking, well away from anybody's residence where we could conduct without any kind of threat to the rural environment."

The old boy is 78 and probably a bit gaga, even if his views are representative of the bulk of Tory opinion in the home counties.

Holiday snap

The Englishman abroad.  She looks cool; he looks like a tourist.

There goes my knighthood

By George!

Bloomberg on the latest HRH (here):

I don't want to rain on the Royal baby parade, but "George"? Yes it was great-grandpa's name, which is sweet. But there have already been six of them! There are so many better ones Kate and William might have picked off the royal family trees.

My personal favorites, long overdue for a revival, come from the Saxon and Viking kings who ruled England before 1066. Egbert, Ethelwulf, Ethelbald and Eadwig are all fine names, not to mention my personal pick, Ethelred (the Unready).

Admittedly, Ethelred has some bad vibes associated with him. Unpopular among his own people, he ordered the execution of all Danes in the country, and then tried to buy off the Danish armies that invaded with a tax called Danegeld. It didn't work. He was displaced by King Sweyn Forkbeard (face it, also a better name than George), from today's Denmark.

Unready is actually a mistranslation of Ethelred's Saxon nickname, although unfortunately that doesn't help. It meant Unwise.

Actually, it did not mean Unwise;  it meant "ill-advised"  (from the Anglo-Saxon raed, meaning advice or counsel).

The kids are alright

I just hope that you youngsters out there appreciate my beneficence.  Citywire reports:

A line has been drawn among consumers, with borrowers on one side and savers on the other.For the savers the news is perpetually bad and this morning’s announcement that even trusted old Premium Bonds will suffer an interest rate cut shows that the savings environment is getting worse.

On the other side you have borrowers who are benefiting from low mortgage rates and will be given another boost as the government announces more details of its Help to Buy scheme, the second tranche of which will provide mortgage guarantees for first-time buyers.

...

The divide between savers and borrowers can also be seen as a divide between generations; young versus old.

The older generations tend to be savers, who have paid off their mortgage and may be using their savings to top up their pension, while younger people are more likely to be borrowers, struggling on to the property ladder.

And so, we wrinklies are subsidising the kids.  An occasional thank you would be nice ...

By their choices shall ye know them

A republican curmudgeon writes:  was it absolutely necessary for the royal baby to be born in a private sector hospital?  Or is the NHS only fit for the peasants?

Good advice

From the omniscient Hadley (here):

Crocs are not summer shoes. They are not even shoes, or at least not shoes for adults. Man over there wearing Crocs? Go to a mirror. Look at yourself. LOOK AT YOURSELF.

Not as easy as he thinks?

So the Prime Minister is going to crack down on porn:

Every household in Britain connected to the internet will be obliged to declare whether they want to maintain access to online pornography, David Cameronwill announce on Monday. 

In the most dramatic step by the government to crack down on the "corroding" influence of pornography on childhood, the prime minister will say that all internet users will be contacted by their service providers and given an "unavoidable choice" on whether to use filters.

The changes will be introduced by the end of next year. As a first step, customers who set up new broadband accounts or switch providers would have to actively disable the filters by the end of this year.

Well, who could possibly object?  But I trust that, whatever system is adopted, it is more effective than that established here in Spain.  That system appeared to based on blocking websites or web pages that contained naughty words, including "sex", "porn", "prostitution" and those words referring to various body parts.  This had the unwanted effect of blocking access to all sorts of sites and pages, including many of a medical nature, as well as perfectly respectable newspaper and magazine articles which happened to mention any of the banned words.  (The only benefit of the system was that the Daily Mail website appeared to suffer particularly badly.)

In the end, I phoned up my broadband supplier (which appeared to be in charge of the filter) and had the thing turned off.  But nobody except me has access to my computers.  It is likely to be a bit more difficult if you have kids in the house.

 

It's a bleeding shame

The NHS is safe in the government's hands?  Well, maybe, as long as there isn't a buck to be made:

The Government was tonight accused of gambling with the UK’s blood supply by selling the state owned NHS plasma supplier to a US private equity firm.

The Department of Health overlooked several healthcare or pharmaceutical firms and at least one blood plasma specialist before choosing to sell an 80 per cent stake in Plasma Resources UK to Bain Capital, the company co-founded by Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney, in a £230m deal. The Government will retain a 20 per stake and a share of potential future profits.

PRUK has annual sales of around £110m and consists of two companies: it employs 200 people at Bio Products Laboratory (BPL) in Elstree, Hertfordshire, and more than 1,000 at DCI Biologicals Inc in the US. DCI collects plasma from American donors and sends it to BPL where it is separated into blood proteins, clotting factors and albumin for supply to NHS hospitals in the treatment of immune deficiencies, neurological diseases, and haemophilia.

And so the Americans take control of another piece of our industrial and health infrastructure ...


   

It's a fracking shame

So, Slasher Osborne may be cutting public services to the bone but can still find the resources to offer tax breaks to big oil and gas.  The Guardian reports:

George Osborne has infuriated environmentalists by announcing big tax breaks for the fracking industry in a bid to kickstart a shale gas revolution that could enhance Britain's energy security but also increase its carbon emissions.

The Treasury has set a 30% tax rate for onshore shale gas production. That compares with a top rate of 62% on new North Sea oil operations and up to 81% for older offshore fields.

Interesting to note that Lynton Crosby, lobbying bogeyman par excellence, is involved with the fracking industry.  I wonder if he "discussed" the matter with the Chancellor ...

Another fine distinction

Is it possible to discuss a policy proposal with a government minister without lobbying them?  David Cameron appears to think so.  The Guardian reports:

David Cameron faced intense questions throughout the day over Crosby's alleged involvement in the government's decision to abandon plans to introduce plain packaging for cigarettes.

Crosby's firm, Crosby Textor, works for the tobacco giant Philip Morris Ltd, which lobbied the Department of Health to abandon the plans.

Miliband accused the prime minister of "disgraceful" behaviour after Cameron declined to give a direct answer in the Commons when he was asked whether he had ever had a conversation with Crosby about plain cigarette packaging. The prime minister told Miliband: "I'll answer the question. He [Crosby] has never lobbied me on anything."

The obvious problem with such an approach becomes apparent when considering the proposal for a register of lobbyists (as announced yesterday).  For example, you might ask a lobbying organisation why it is not shown on the register, only to receive the answer that the organisation does not engage in lobbying; it merely has occasional conversations with ministers.  Which rather undercuts the whole idea of a register ...

Simon Hoggart ridicules the distinction:

I suppose lobbying might be: "Prime Minister, please don't introduce plain packaging! There are executives who might have to sell their third homes and racehorses!"

Chatting: "Mmm, before we discuss separate matters, can I remind you of the smooth yet manly taste of these Marlboro cigarettes? And let's not lose the iconic label, showing a beefy chap in chaps!"

   

Is this sustainable?

Can Britain go on like this?

Compare and contrast:

Here:

IF small businesses are the future, then London’s place at the heart of the British economy is assured. Figures today reveal that 17 out of the top 20 UK areas for new business creation were located in London in the past year – and remarkably, that Silicon Roundabout was by the far the leading centre for start-ups. Tragically, these figures also confirm that the rest of Britain remains in relative decline, with much of the talent continuing to shift to the capital.

No fewer than 15,720 new businesses were set up in EC1V, the area that includes London’s new technology hub on the fringe of the City, in the year to March, according to UHY Hacker Young. This is promising, though as ever it remains to be seen whether any of these tech firms will grow and thrive, and whether any will become British Googles or Facebooks, truly world-class and world famous.

Other buoyant areas for start-ups include Bishopsgate (EC2) and Canary Wharf (E14), which between them saw 4,900 new businesses set up shop last year.

And here:

A third of Britain is effectively off-limits to lower-income working families because private rents are unaffordable, a new report claims.

The report comes from the Resolution Foundation, which campaigns on behalf of low to middle-income families.

It says most of southern England is now beyond the reach of less affluent households.

The Resolution Foundation says this forces people to choose between a decent home and other essentials.

With social housing usually unavailable and home ownership unaffordable for many first-time buyers, renting privately is often the only option for households on lower incomes.

A BBC housing calculator also identifies how renting a modest two-bedroom home for less than £700 a month is almost impossible in London and much of the South East. Modest is defined as having a rent below 75% of similar properties in the area.

London and the South-East may be thriving for those at the upper end of the economic scale.  But for how long can it rely on a supply of nurses and health assistants, of police constables and postmen, of garage mechanics and supermarket sales assistants, if such people - so necessary to a functioning economy - simply cannot afford a place to live?

Is any of our political leaders even contemplating the need to restore a regionnal balance?
  

Smoke gets in your eyes

As a habitual smoker and a shareholder in both British American Tobacco and Imperial Tobacco, I have no particular objection to the Cameron climbdown on tobacco advertising.  But why lead his merry (and healthy) men to the top of the hill, only to cave in miserably at the top?  The backlash was entirely predictable:

David Cameron faces calls from senior Liberal Democrats to sack his controversial election strategist Lynton Crosby over his links with the tobacco industry, as the coalition descended into open warfare over public health policy.

As the latest row over the role of big money in politics hit Downing Street, Paul Burstow, who was a health minister until September last year, said Crosby should either quit or be sacked by Cameron after it emerged that his lobbying firm works for global tobacco giant Philip Morris.

Other Liberal Democrats also made clear they were furious and would fight to ensure Crosby was removed from any role in which he could influence health or any other coalition policy.

Amid the growing furore, the Tory chairman of the all-party select committee on health, former health secretary Stephen Dorrell, announced that his committee would look into why the government had changed its mind on the question of cigarette packaging.

Last Friday, the government revealed that it was shelving plans to introduce plain packaging on cigarettes, prompting a furious reaction from the health lobby and MPs from across the political spectrum. The Observer understands that health ministers were almost uniformly in favour of plain packaging but were overruled by Downing Street.

Were the cigarette companies so persuasive?  And when Labour was being denounced for being in the pockets of the unions, was it a clever move to demonstrate so convincingly that the Tories would always take the side of their chums in big business?  Stupid, stupid politics.


 

Intellectual jokes

From here:

Descartes walks into a bar. “Beer?” asks the barman. “I think not” replies Rene, who disappears.

Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other: “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other says: “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!”

How many Microsoft designers does it take to change a lightbulb? None – they just define darkness as “industry standard”.

  

How not to win a referendum

It's not difficult.  Tell the Scots that, unless they do what the Ministry of Defence tells them, part of Scotland will be commandeered as UK territory.  The Guardian reports:

The British government is examining plans to designate the Scottish militarybase that houses the Trident nuclear deterrent as sovereign United Kingdom territory if the people of Scotland vote for independence in next year's referendum.

In a move that sparked an angry reaction from the SNP, which vowed to rid Scotland of nuclear weapons as quickly as possible after a yes vote, the government is looking at ensuring that the Faslane base on Gare Loch in Argyll and Bute could have the same status as the British sovereign military bases in Cyprus.

The move would be designed to ensure that the Trident fleet would continue to have access to the open seas via the Firth of Clyde. Under Britain's "continuous at sea deterrent", at least one Vanguard submarine armed with 16 Trident nuclear missiles is on patrol at sea at any one time.

After all, Scotland is only an English colony (like Cyprus was); and London has the right to dictate the terms under which that colony may gain its independence.  I don't suppose that it occurred to the Ministry of Defence that such an attitude might drive the Scots into the arms of the SNP.


 

The last one, again

Too much information

There are some things I'd rather not know:

The future Labour leader did not waste time dating girls while he was at school, and so was not a bit like Nick Clegg, who had slept with “not more than 30” women before he met his wife, we learn.

“I was a late developer,” he admits. “I’m not going to compare myself to Nick Clegg in any way.

“I was quite square and serious. Girls came a bit later – university and after.”

Romance with Justine began when she went all the way to Doncaster North to help him secure the Labour nomination.

“I really feel so lucky. She’s so much the rock of my life.

“It sounds a bit corny, but I wouldn’t be doing this job and I wouldn’t be happy without her…“We call each other sweetie,” he added.

Pass the sick bag ...

Georgie Porgie

The Telegraph is unduly critical of the Chancellor, here:

A portly man jogging in public, dripping with perspiration. The instinctive reaction of any passer-by is to look the other way. This is because (a) it's not a pretty sight and (b) he might just keel over and we'd rather leave the first aid to someone else, thanks very much.

So what was the Chancellor thinking when he allowed this picture to to be taken yesterday, the sweatiest of the year? George Osborne is not especially fat, but he'd look far better if he lost a couple of stone. Not that he will: he's been jogging – "running" isn't quite the mot juste – for years now and it isn't having the slightest effect on his waistline.

And here:

There he is, a fellow fortysomething fighter of the flab, battling his way through the park, listening to music drawn from his youth no doubt, huffing and puffing and hating the slim exercise fanatics sprinting past him on their way home for a wheatgrass based breakfast. I even recognise his T-shirt dilemma. Should one go tight? Maybe. But too tight is bad. But too loose – the option chosen by the Chancellor – in its way is worse. It looks suspicious, as though the wearer has something to hide. Flapping around, it gives the game away. Mainly, we should remember that a white T-shirt and shorts is always a bad idea, unless you are a toned Andy Murray. Instead, I have settled on running (slowly) only in very dark blue (shorts and T-shirt). I commend this suggestion to the Chancellor.

People of Slasher's age seldom look good when out jogging.  It's a sweaty, uncomfortable business, even in winter when a tracksuit will hide a multitude of sins.  Does that mean that they should never try?  Of course not.  Besides, what would he look like if he didn't jog occasionally?

 

Lest you are under the wrong impression ...

No, my little apartment is not a luxury villa and, no, I do not have a secret panic room to hide naked in.  Nor do I  have any tattoos.  And, as far as I know, the police are not after me ...


 

Long may it continue

More reasons to admire young Murray.

Here:

Given the nature of modern sport, there was something remarkable about Andy Murray's Wimbledon victory – beyond his defeat of the world No 1, Novak Djokovic, and overcoming 77 years of crushing expectation. The Scot, now the most feted sportsman in Britain, won the tournament without a full complement of sponsors' logos on his shirt.

Nor, according to his advisers, should you expect to turn on the television any time soon to see him mugging his way through a financial services or broadband advert. Many of the brands who will now beat a path to his door will be given short shrift.

For the past 18 months his potentially lucrative right shirt sleeve has been free of advertising, apart from a patch worn during Wimbledon fortnight promoting awareness of the Royal Marsden hospital – to which he donated his £75,000 winnings from the warm-up tournament at Queen's in light of the treatment his close friend Ross Hutchins received there as he battled cancer.

In short, Murray wants to be remembered for his sporting achievements rather than his advertising campaigns. Despite sharing some similar character traits, the last thing he wants is to be branded like David Beckham. Which is not to say that he is not alive to his value.

...

Murray has at times driven his agents to distraction through his obsessive focus on the task at hand, refusing to sign up to anything that he is not comfortable with or that might compromise his training or disrupt his routine. He has turned down a string of lucrative deals either because they make him feel uncomfortable or because they do not fit in with his schedule.

And here:

Good for Mr Murray. Asked about a knighthood today, he replied:

"It's a nice thing to have or be offered. I think just because everyone's waited for such a long time for this, that's probably why it will be suggested but I don't know if it merits that."

So Mr Cameron is now arguing for a knighthood for Andy Murray that even Andy Murray doesn't think is justified. Maybe that will persuade Mr Cameron to be wary of clambering aboard celeb-culture bandwagons in future. Maybe.

Nice to think that at least one of our sporting heroes can be more sensible than the Prime Minister.

Last one

I still think O'Driscoll should have been playing.

Are tennis matches too long?

Four hours and 43 minutes for Djokovic/Del Potro;  two hours 50 minutes for Murray/Janowicz (plus 30 minutes for roof closing).  It's a long time to watch telly.

I'm not concerned about the players who are young and fit enough to cope.  Nor for the spectators who, having paid the £600 or whatever, are looking for value for money (or special means of delaying calls of nature).

No, it is viewers like me who lack the powers of concentration.  Inevitably, I have to go walkabout at some point during the second set - a bit of ironing perhaps or a nice nap - before re-joining the match at the end of the third set.  Maybe I'm getting old ...

 

Supermarket etiquette

From The Guardian (here):

7. No matter how many times you've been asked it, it is not acceptable to answer the question with the words: "No I do not have a fucking Nectar card."

   

Linguistics

I suppose I should be ashamed.  After more than five years or so in Spain, my knowledge of the Spanish language is little more than rudimentary.  Yeah, I’ve been to classes, but my capacity to speak the language is not really improving.  I know enough to get by in day to day conversation and can decipher texts.  But answering the telephone and comprehending a volley of rapidly spoken Spanish is the real test.

It does not help, of course, that everyone speaks English.  So immersion is not really a possibility.  And why would I watch Spanish telly when all the British programmes are available?

Furthermore, the Andalucians have their own version of the language.  The waiters in the cafe near my apartment greet me with a cheerful “buon dia” every morning (closer to the Portuguese “bom dia” than the classical Spanish “buenas dias”), while the checkout girls at the supermercado thank me with a sing-song “grassia” - none of your Castilian lisp in this neighbourhood.

So I can have some sympathy with those immigrants to the UK who are being told that benefits will be denied unless they quickly learn to speak English.  Just as well that I am not looking for employment.

If you can bear to watch it again ...

Cameron in Kazakhstan

A photo for the scrapbook:

Good telly

I have been enjoying the BBC 2 series on the Rise of the Continents.  I can't pretend to understand fully the geology of it all, but the guy doing the presentation, Professor Iain Stewart, so obviously enjoyed making the programmes that his enthusiasm is infectious.  Throw in the spectacular scenery and it becomes a programme well worth watching.

It may have cost a bob or two to send the good professor to the various corners of the world but, compared to the vast sums the BBC wastes elsewhere, this seemed like value for money.

Catch it while you still can - or wait for the repeats.

For the birds

One of the many pleasures of living in the south of Spain is watching the birdies.  Moments ago, I opened my window and spent a happy five minutes watching the swifts circling and swooping around the swimming pool.

And it is not just the swifts.  As evening falls, I hear the owls tu-whitting in the trees.  While on my way to the bar for my lunchtime beverage, I am invariably greeted by a pair of cheeky sparrows - which never fails to lift the heart.  (Whatever happened to the Edinburgh sparrows?)  And even the ubiquitous pigeons seem sleeker and more attractive than their Scottish counterparts.

And once in a while, way up in the skies, I spot a majestic predator.  One of these days, I will dig out a reference book to identify them ...

 

Quote of the day

The media are growing ever fonder of Laura Robson, the next great hope of British tennis:

On court, though, she is still a loping, rather teenager-ish specimen, some way short of the kind of gymnastically bouncy natural mover who can gambol and twist and turn without a thought. Robson has worked hard at this but in the flesh there is still a rather jarring contrast between the basic speed of her upper and lower body movements. The legs still seek the ground a little awkwardly, like somebody feeling for a light switch in the dark, but above this her hands are prodigiously fast. At times it can look a bit like a spliced piece of film, the bottom half revolving on 33rpm, the top on 45.

The less said about that last simile the better ...

The Slasher strikes

Last week, someone criticised my antipathy to Jeffrey George Osborne,  This extract from The Guardian offers an explanation:

He proposed changes to social security motivated less by the need to save money than by the urge to show how tough this government could be. From now on, jobseekers will have to sign on every week. Those who can't speak English will have to learn or lose their benefits. Most striking of all, the newly laid off will not be able to claim benefit straight away but have to wait seven days. That may not sound like much, but for those who have just lost a job that paid little, it could be impossible.

No wonder the BBC's Robert Peston called it a Wonga budget: there will be plenty who will survive that first week by taking out a loan at usurious rates.

Such punitive action will have next to no impact on the deficit. It's all about the politics. Osborne has drawn a line and invited Labour to stand on the other side of it. 

It may be clever but it is also mean-spirited.  It comes from a politician without the faintest notion of what it is like to become unemployed and without the faintest inclination to find out.

Lions roar

What larks!

There's got to be a great movie.  After hanging out the washing of the NSA and GCHQ, he confounds the Americans by sneaking out of Hong Kong, (perhaps) making his way to Moscow.  Then, he bamboozles a planeload of journalists into getting a plane to Havana, a plane without any booze and without himself.  The guy is a genius.  Clearly way beyond the capacity of the CIA.


 

Starstruck

When the martians come for us, the MoD will regret it:

The Ministry of Defence closed its UFO desk in 2009 because it served “no defence purpose” and was taking staff away from “more valuable defence-related activities”.

Besides, Trident serves no defence purpose, but they seem intent on hanging on to that ...

Am I bovvered?

City AM reports:

STOCKS and many other financial assets plunged yesterday as investors reacted to the US Federal Reserve’s threat to cut back on its stimulus programme, while worries over China added to market jitters.

The FTSE endured its sharpest daily drop since September 2011 as it lost nearly three per cent, eliminating another chunk of this year’s gains and returning to a level – 6,159.51 – last seen in January

History shows that stocks and shares go up and down and vice versa.  Today we are in a down phase; tomorrow, who knows?

What else would I have done with my investments?  At least, share dividends offer four or five times greater returns than bank account interest.

Besides, if you enjoy the capital gains in the good times, there is no point in squealing when the market turns down.  This is a form of gambling; nobody beats the casino all the time.

 

Oh dear

From The Guardian (here):

It wasn't the being called Jeffrey three times by Barack Obama during a meeting of the G8 that would have hurt George Osborne the most, though that would have been mortifying enough. It was the apology. Or rather, the lack of it. Was the president of the US in any way bothered about forgetting the name of the chancellor, a man who is supposed to be, superficially at least, one of the G8's key weapons in fixing the global economy? Far from it. What he said was: "I'm sorry, man. I must have confused you with my favourite R&B singer."

To be fair, it could have been worse. Obama could have called him Ozzy. As, indeed, some of us already do. He could also have called him Gideon, which would have had the virtue of being the name Osborne was given at birth. But Jeffrey was more than bad enough – because of what it implied, more than for what it said. What it implied was that Osborne is a total nonentity on the political stage to Obama; a man whose presence is as forgettable as his name, even when the world's press is gathered for a G8 summit.

It's a mystery

Did Mr Cameron forget to wear his jacket?  Or had he spilled a cup of coffee over it?  Or is that it slung casually over his chair?

Whatever, it is surely poor form for the host to so distinguish himself from his guests.

 

It's all a filthy plot ...

You might have thought that there was a problem with tax avoidance.  But, according to The Telegraph, it is nothing more than a ruse to attack the Tories.  Mr Brogan displays his paranoia:

George Osborne was on familiarly confident form on Today dealing with the lefty nonsense about tax avoidance. His line about Britain 'putting its house in order' by leaning on its dependencies and publishing a register of beneficial ownership was his way of getting ahead of the coalition of anti-City types that Labour has craftily encouraged  as a useful third-party front against the Tories. From UK Uncut to various charities sailing a viking long-boat at the G8 summit with 'stop tax avoidance' on its sail, the pro-business case is under siege from an intelligently engineered populist campaign that hides a straightforward political aim – to cripple the Tories – behind what at first glance looks like an eminently reasonable argument about 'fair tax'.

Amazon, Google, Starbucks and the rest of the endless list?  Tax havens?  It's all made up to attack the Tories.  Nothing to see here.  Just haud yer wheesht and move along there.

Wishing and hoping

We can all have dreams.  The FT reports:

George Osborne is to give his strongest signal yet that he wants to move Lloyds Banking Group back into private ownership by the 2015 general election, albeit not at a price that would leave taxpayers out of pocket.

I want a date with Scarlett Johanssen, albeit not if she insists that I wear a tie and take her somewhere expensive.

Neither possibilty seems remotely achievable.


 

Historical economics

Larry Elliott in The Guardian has clearly been reading the novels of Hilary Mantel.  In a rather stretched analogy, he confuses the replacement of the Governor of the Bank of England with the politics of the Tudor era:

In recent months, King has become something of a Cardinal Wolsey figure: the elder statesman upon whom the young prince relied but who has fallen out of favour after years of devotion to the state. Wolsey failed to get Henry VIII his divorce from Catherine of Aragon; King has failed to get Osborne his economic recovery.

Carney is the Thomas Cromwell to King's Wolsey, and like Cromwell will be a force to be reckoned with. The Bank has seen its powers greatly enhanced as a result of the financial crisis, and is now responsible for financial stability as well as monetary policy. One of the new governor's first tasks will be to decide, after discussions with his colleagues on the monetary policy committee, whether the Bank wishes to give forward guidance about the likely path of interest rates.

I regret to say that I do not readily identify Slasher Osborne with the dashing and cultured young Henry VIII,  What I really want to know, however, is who gets to play the role of Ann Boleyn ...

Dropping the pilot

Does George Osborne know what he is doing?  The Independent reports:

The multibillion privatisation of Royal Bank of Scotland (RBS) will be announced by George Osborne next week, following the forced departure of the bank's chief executive Stephen Hester yesterday evening.

Mr Hester will leave the bank later this year, clearing the way for his successor to oversee a "British Gas style" public sell-off.

The Chancellor is expected to announce further details of the privatisation in a speech next week. Treasury sources suggested he would not announce a timetable for the sale but it is likely to take place before the next general election and will aimed at the general public.

Aye, well.  At last night's close, RBS shares were listed at a price of 325.6 pence, a long way short of the 500 pence needed to ensure that the government's sell-off does not incur a heavy loss.  And sacking the chief executive is unlikely to improve the share price.

  
Update:  Within half an hour of the market opening, the price of RBS shares has dropped below 300 pence.


  

From Westminster with love

Simon Hoggart explains how wee Willie Hague keeps our spies from misbehaving,  Of course, this may not be an entirely accurate representation.

There was a faint moan from the bed. Bond tensed in the darkness and reached inside his jacket. He pulled out a copy of the Intelligence Services Act (1994).

"'Jemms, please come to bed!' It was Ayala Frappe, until the previous day personal secretary to the evil billionaire Jabez Stumblebum, whose plans to take over the world had almost reached fruition. She knew more about Stumblebum's movements than he did himself. A word from her could save the planet.

"'Chust a moment, schweetheart,' said Bond, still played by Sean Connery. 'Before we make schweet mushic, I need to refer to my line managers, who will pass the matter to the foreign secretary, home secretary, or other secretary of state for authorisation, though their decision could be overruled by an independent review, plus the interception commissioner, as well as coming under scrutiny from the Commons intelligence committee. It could take a few weeks.'

"Ayala gazed at him, furiously. But at that moment the phone rang. 'Hey, James, old buddy!' cried a familiar voice. It was the FBI's Felix Leiter. 'Lissen, I got news! Stumblebum's yacht just moored in the marina. He's there for the taking, my friend, like a big fat old raccoon up a pine tree!'

"'Lishen, Felix, am I right in thinking that Shtumblebum is a British chitizen?'

"'I guess so!'

"'Well, then it would be entirely wrong for me to receive intelligence from you, a US national, that was not obtained within the strict parameters of UK statutes …'

"'Aw, Jesus wept, James!'"

   

Headline of the day

From Bloomberg (here):

On the IMF’s Big Fat Greek Woulda-Shoulda-Coulda

A fine distinction

Lynton Crosby, aka the wizard of Oz, is coming under pressure over his twin roles as a commercial lobbyist and as an adviser to the Prime Minister.  The Observer explains the background but I urge you to admire the sophistry inherent in the Conservative Party's defence of the position:

A Conservative party representative said: "The position is very clear. Lynton Crosby gives political advice to the prime minister and the Conservative party. He does not lobby the government, or advise on government policy.

Yeah, yeah, as clear as mud.

Gummy wonder

I'm confused.  Bearing in mind that rugby players habitually wear gum-shields, I wonder how they manage to bite each other (assuming of course that the allegation were proved).

Do they take the time at the bottom of a ruck to remove the gum-shield before committing the dastardly deed?  Seems unlikely.  Or perhaps they just gnaw gummily on whatever portion of their opponent's anatomy is nearest to hand (or mouth, as it were), in which case the prospect of serious damage seems minimal.

A minor mystery ...

Quote of the day

From Albert Edwards of Société Générale (here):

"Young people today haven't got a chance of buying a house at a reasonable price, even with rock bottom interest rates. The Nationwide Building Society data shows that the average first-time buyer in London is paying over 50% of their take home pay in mortgage repayments – and that is when interest rates are close to zero."

"Why are houses too expensive in the UK? Too much debt. So what is George Osborne's solution for first-time buyers unable to afford housing? Why, arrange for a government-guaranteed scheme to burden our young people with even more debt! Why don't we call this policy by the name it really is, namely the indentured servitude of our young people.

"I believe it truly is a moronic policy that stands head and shoulders above most of the stupid economic policies I have seen implemented during my 30 years in this business."

Another Tory MP bites the dust

So it goes.  The Guardian reports:

The Conservative party was left reeling by sleaze allegations after an MP resigned from the parliamentary party for allegedly failing to declare thousands of pounds paid by a fake lobbying firm in a damaging journalistic sting.

Patrick Mercer, MP for Newark, stepped down from the party's whip after accepting £4,000 from undercover reporters posing as lobbyists. He failed to declare £2,000 of the money within parliamentary rules, it is understood.

What amazes is how little moolah it takes.  The Independent has more:

“I do not charge a great deal of money for these things,” he was reported as saying during a meeting. “I would normally come out at £500 per half day. So £1,000 a day.”

It's not exactly a significant mess of pottage.  But for such meagre returns, he was prepared to jeopardise his political career.  Inexplicable.