No homophobia here

If you want to snog a team-mate, why not do it in a football stadium, before a tv audience of millions?

None of them is JFK

What? Oh, the debate.

Well, Gordon seemed to be wearing too much lipstick. And Dave should learn how to say "properly" properly; it is not "proply" - the correct pronunciation involves three syllables.

Otherwise, not much fussed.

Eyjafjallajoekull

Splendid name by the way.

Me, I blame that nice Mr Darling. If he hadn't used anti-terrorist legislation to seize the Icelandic assets in British banks and if he hadn't insisted on penal terms for the repayment by Iceland of the money he'd used to compensate British institutions for the losses of their Icelandic investments, we might not be facing the revenge of the Norns in the form of all this ash. But there's no use crying over spilt milk.

According to The Independent, the situation is as follows:

The last time the Eyjafjallajoekull volcano on the southern flank of Iceland erupted was in 1821 and that event took almost two years to subside. Volcanologists are unsure whether the current eruption is going to be a similar, long-lived affair with months or even years of air-traffic disruption.
...
This eruption is not particularly big, but there is a possibility that it might continue for weeks or months, making it difficult for air-traffic controllers who have to take every precaution to prevent aircraft from flying into a cloud of ash, which cannot be detected by an aircraft's on-board radar.

Now think about that for a moment. Let us say that the interruption to air traffic lasts for the next six months. No summer holidays this year, not if they require flights; not even any weekend mini-breaks (unless you fancy Blackpool or Rothesay). Sport will be disrupted - how will Man U or Bayern Munich get to Madrid for the Champions League final? I understand that there are already doubts about this weekend's Heineken Cup matches. And what about the World Cup in South Africa?

Then there are the airlines - how many of them would survive a prolomged lay-off? And all those jobs at airports.

Let us hope that the volcano stops spouting and the wind changes. Soon.

It messes up the engines, apparently

Strange, how something as natural as a plume of volcanic ash can force the closure of Scotland's airports. I suppose that in our modern, sophisticated society it is occasionally salutary to be reminded that man's technological genius may be limited by the forces of nature.

And, hey, better safe than sorry.

Singing in the rain

If it's any consolation (not for me, obviously), the predicted weather out here for the next four days is:

Tomorrow: light rain, 64 degrees
Thursday: light rain, 64 degrees
Friday: heavy rain, 64 degrees
Saturday: heavy rain, 64 degrees

Oh woe ...

They are all at it

Am I being unreasonable? I have scanned the manifestos, both Labour and Tory, but neither offers any clue as to how they will reduce the fiscal deficit, arguably the most important question facing the nation as it makes its political choice.

They must have thought about it. Or are we expected to believe that the election will simply magic away the need to cut public spending and raise taxes?

And, yes, I know that no-one will welcome a whacking great increase in VAT or a cutback in spending but we are all well aware that either or both is bound to happen. We're not all children - what will be the effect of promising us sweeties then wielding the axe?

Put not your faith in politicians - they'll screw you again and again and again.

Shaking the money-tree

Here we go again. This month, last month, the month before that. The masters of the universe are suckered once more. The Telegraph reports:

The euro soared in early trading on Monday as traders welcomed a rescue package for Greece agreed by Eurozone countries and the International Monetary Fund.

The single currency, which has been battered in foreign-exchange markets so far this year, was up almost 2 cents at $1.3683 in London trading. It also climbed against sterling and the Japanese yen.

How many times does the EU have to pretend to organise a bail-out for our Greek chums, before the markets twig that it's never going to happen?

Housekeeping

Off to Spain this morning, so light blogging for the nest day or two.

Incidentally, this is my 2,500th post since I began this blog nearly 5 years ago. What an utter waste of time and effort! Still, it's been fun for me and I've enjoyed it. Congratulations to those of you who have stayed with me down the years.

Same old Tories

I won't benefit from that nice Mr Osborne's latest back-of-a-fagpacket concoction, but it seems a splendid idea.

It's good to see some naked social engineering for a change; never mind those libertarian liberals who insist that the government should keep its filthy mitts out of the family bedroom. And as for those cohabiting couples who refuse to get married, well the loss of the transferable bit of the allowance serves you right. When I were a lad, it was called living in sin and, I tell you this, there's far too much of it going on.

Of course £3 per week is not a lot of dosh. But if it encourages married couples to stick together, even when they're miserable through hating each other, then it is to be welcomed. And, as a bonus, you don't even need to have children to be a qualifying couple. (Obviously, the little wifie would need to stay at home rather than work, but that's the best place for her, surely.)

And I'm confident that the bankers will be delighted to be financing the scheme. A chance for them to do some good. Of course they'll squeal about it and threaten to move to Switzerland, but as usual they'll only be pretending.

HMRC will also be chuffed. They will need more staff to handle all the claims, to monitor them and to advise employers of the revised tax allowances, because I doubt if it can be handled under the PAYE system.

So, a happy outcome all round. What's next? A reintroduction of national service, perhaps?

Nostalgia is not what it used to be

Whatever happened to Meccano, Hornby Dublo and Dinky Toys? Find out here.

Yes, I spent a lot of enjoyably wasted hours on all three during the 1950s.

Porkie Detector (No 3)

If you must tell lies, it would be helpful if - at the very least - you tried to make them believable. Reciting porkies which can be readily and obviously disproved is not only stupid on the part of the reciter; it assumes the rest of us are numpties. The Guardian reports:

Gordon Brown's claim that the murder of Croydon teenager Sally Anne Bowman would have gone unsolved under Tory proposals to overhaul the DNA database were yesterday dismissed as "election fever" by civil liberties groups.

The prime minister accused the Tories of abandoning their traditional tough stance on crime by saying they would put an end to the indefinite retention of DNA profiles of people arrested but not convicted for violent disorder and remove the bulk of the records of innocent people.

He cited Bowman's murder in 2005 as an example of a crime solved using Labour's comprehensive DNA database – but Human Rights group Liberty said her killer, Mark Dixie, was caught because his DNA had been matched after it was taken over a violent assault in 2006.

Bowman, a 19-year-old aspiring model, was murdered in the driveway of her Croydon home. Dixie was convicted in 2008 on the basis of DNA evidence which also cleared her boyfriend, who dropped her off moments before she was killed.

Shami Chakrabarti, director of Liberty, said: "Election fever seems to be confusing the debate about DNA retention. It has been suggested that the tragic case of Sally Anne Bowman was only solved because her murderer was 'an innocent' on the database. In fact, he was arrested for a separate violent offence and it was then that his DNA was matched to the crime scene. We all agree that DNA taken on arrest should be checked against unsolved crimes. This is entirely different from stockpiling the DNA of innocent men, women and children for years on end."

Music of the week

Here you go - one of the great 1960s oldies:

Here's a conundrum

I see that some of the world cup matches are to be broadcast in 3-D. I wonder if the England players will be able to cope with playing in three dimensions?

Quote of the day

Johann Hari in The Indie (here):

He [Cameron] will give a £1.2bn inheritance tax cut to the richest 2 per cent in Britain – with most going to the 3,000 wealthiest estates (including his wife's). Then he promises to end the 50p top rate of tax, giving another £2.4bn to the richest 1 per cent. Then he has pledged to cut taxes on the pensions of the richest, handing another £3.2bn to the same 1 per cent. Then his marriage tax relief policies will give 13 times more to the rich than the poor. To pay for this, he will slash programmes for the middle and the skint, like the Child Trust Fund, SureStart and state schools.

So he ain't no Robin Hood. Same old Tories.

A celebrity writes

My name is Sir Michael Caine. (Don't forget the Sir.) Not a lot of people know that.

I like to pretend I'm a hard man. As I was in the movie Get Carter. Of course I'm 77 now and I can't mix it with the baddies like I used to. But I've still got all my marbles - well most of them, I fink.

And, yeah, alright, I did threaten to leave the UK and become a tax exile. But the voters should listen to me because I'm the salt of the earth, doncha know.

Anyway, this posh git (says his name is Dave) wants me to attend his announcement of a new national service scheme. Bit of a waste of time, if you ask me. The scheme is voluntary and it only lasts two months, which is hardly going to make any difference. But I'm doing nothing else and it offers some publicity, and maybe a seat in the House of Lords.

No, I don't remember The Muppet Christmas Carol. Or The Swarm.

A pedant writes

The Guardian reports:

The Duchess of Cornwall was taken to hospital in Aberdeen today after fracturing her leg as she was out walking near the Prince of Wales's Highland retreat on the Balmoral estate.

If you want to be picky about it (and I do), as it happened in Scotland, should it not be the Duchess of Rothesay?

Sympathies about the leg, by the way.

Hammering the public sector - episode 38

I have little sympathy with high-earning public sector fatcats but is this really worth the trouble?

Public sector chiefs earning hundreds of thousands of pounds a year would have their salaries cut back by a Conservative government under a radical scheme to link their earnings to the lowest-paid workers in their organisation, David Cameron announces today.

Er, not quite. Let's try again:

A Tory government would establish a fair pay review to ensure that no senior manager in the public sector can earn more than 20 times more than the lowest- paid person in their organisation.

Oh, they're going to set up a review. How exciting - not.

What sort of fatcat salaries are we talking about? Well, the highest quoted is £392,000. And how many are likely to be affected? Perhaps as many as 200. OK, it's not going to change the world, but the principle is not unimportant. Nevertheless, it seems a lot of effort for not a lot of reward.

Meanwhile, the obscenities of private sector fatcat pay, such as this one, are permitted to continue unhindered.

Hamid and the waccybaccy

Yes, I know that friend and ally Hamid has recently been letting the side down, but this kind of response is not going to make life any easier for our brave boys:

CLAIMS by a former US ambassador that Hamid Karzai has a drug habit are based on a classified report about life in the presidential palace, western officials have told The Scotsman. In it, sources close to president Karzai, allege he gets high in a presidential toilet.

Peter Galbraith, the former deputy head of the United Nations mission in Afghanistan, told US television this week that Mr Karzai has "a certain fondness for some of Afghanistan's most profitable exports".

Whirliebirds *

I read about this in The Scotsman and thought that the use of a helicopter was a bit extravagant for our Bella:

THE Conservatives will today provide further evidence of their campaigning fire-power as Annabel Goldie takes to the air in a frenetic attempt to visit all their Scottish target seats in a day.

Ms Goldie will use a helicopter to travel from Hawick in the south, Edinburgh in the east, Argyll in the west and Aberdeenshire in the north in a move echoing David Cameron's announcement that he had booked several aircraft to hurtle him around the country.

But hidden halfway down the article was the truth:

Ms Goldie will be joined by shadow Foreign Secretary William Hague on a day of hectic campaigning.

Despite The Scotsman's implications, did you really think that Bella would get a chopper without Mr Hague tagging along?


" Whirliebirds was a TV programme back in the dark ages which featured two helicopters.

Your fashion correspondent writes

Doncha just love the way in which The Guardian concentrates on the areas of electoral importance?

Day two and Sarah Brown's election wardrobe seems to be heavily reliant on the plain coloured cardigan. Yesterday's version was lime yellow with a round neck, while on Tuesday she showcased a powder violet version from Reiss, styled with a narrow leather belt. Commentators have already filed the campaign cardigan as "school-run dressing".

Hey, if the lady wants to wear a cardie, then it's OK with me ...

Porkie Detector (No 2)

The BBC reports:

Labour has pledged to bring at least 100,000 skilled jobs to Scotland in five years, as part of its vision for a "high-tech" economy.

Scottish leader Iain Gray made the claim as the first full day of election campaigning got under way.

It would be nice if it were true, but it's only words. 20,000 skilled jobs per year for five years? Not probable. And even if it were achievable, where are all the skilled workers to fill these jobs?

New feature

At vast expense, this blog has developed a new facility for the period of the election. It is essentially a sophisticated porkie detector and we will bring to you as often as possible news of those politicians who set off the alarm bell.

Today, we have the shadow chancellor in The Times:

George Osborne today insisted he could cut taxes and the deficit without raising VAT.

Don't be a silly-billy, Georgie-Porgie. Of course you can't.

Lost among the stacks

Keef and the Dewey Decimal System. Now there's an association you never thought of. The Guardian reports:

This is a seminal moment for librarianship. For 134 years, geeky men with acne and prematurely aged women in spectacles have quietly gone about cataloguing books according to the principles of Melvil Dewey, largely ignored by the rest of us. But now rock legend Keith Richards has admitted to a passion for librarianship, and a failed attempt to apply the Dewey system to his own large private library.

What next? Jagger and differential calculus? Lady Gaga and botanical taxonomy?

Still telling porkies

Why No 10 is its own worst enemy, principally by denying black is white, even when it is blatantly obvious. The Independent reports:

After the disaster on the Caribbean island nation three months ago, which killed an estimated 230,000 people, a celebrity cover version of REM's "Everybody Hurts" was produced, with the Prime Minister announcing that he had decided to waive VAT on the single.

However, as The Independent revealed yesterday, a furious Whitehall row erupted when officials at the Department for International Development (DfID) were told that the Treasury was going to make them find the lost revenue by taking it from other (non-Haiti) aid projects. Sources at both departments confirmed the plan.

...

Downing Street subsequently denied that this had been the plan and, following this newspaper's report, announced yesterday that no aid projects would suffer. No 10 said that DfID would initially foot the bill for the lost VAT – and that the Treasury will now have to refund it.

You will note that No 10 goes for bare-faced denial. No suggestion of a mistake or a misunderstanding. No, just argue that black was white. And don't give a toss whether anyone believes you. Meanwhile No 10's credibility is once again dragged into the sewer.

Shock! Horror! (2)

Judges revealed to be anti-trades unions! Who would have guessed?

Shock! Horror!

Top businessmen revealed to be Tories! Who would have guessed?

April fool! (2)

April fool!

Bankers

Anent the current fuss about ISAs, see here and here. Basically, the banks lure you into opening an ISA account with the promise of a decent interest rate; subsequently, they quietly - without telling you - reduce the interest rate to peanuts. Further they make it difficult to transfer the money into an alternative better-paying account. They do exactly the same with ordinary savings accounts.

For example, I have a savings account with the Bank of Scotland. I recently discovered that it was earning interest at the princely rate of 0.2% per annum. I have therefore opened a new savings account on much the same terms which pays a more acceptable rate of 2.8%: less than wonderful I admit, but a lot more than 0.2%. In order to open this new account, I had to present my passport and driving licence at the local branch. (I have had an account with the Bank of Scotland for about thirty years - so I would have thought that they knew who I was by now, but hey we all have our bureaucratic crosses to bear.)

The story on ISAs is not much better. My cash ISA with the same bank now earns a meagre 0.2%. If I switch to an alternative cash ISA with slightly diffferent terms I can apparently secure 2.6%. So here goes again. The problem is how long before they reduce interest rates and I have to go through the whole damn procedure again?

That nice Mr Darling should have properly nationalised the bastards.

(Incidentally, do you remember all those Halifax adverts promising a fiver a month if you opened a "reward" account? Well, if so, forget them. Those ads didn't tell you that, in order to get this £5 bonus, you need to pay out £12.50 per month in insurance premia. They're sharks, I tell you. Venal, twisted, greedy sharks.)

Quote of the day

Lucy at The Guardian (here):

Of course, just about anyone can look like a passionate hero if you stand him next to George Osborne, a walking justification for all the schoolyard bullying there ever was, is, or ever shall be. It shouldn't be possible for a stripling of 38 to patronise an adult audience this powerfully. If he reminds us once that government money is our money, taxpayer money, he does it a hundred times. And did you know "We're all in this together"? That's a shock. I was awaiting my Willy Wonka ticket to exempt me from all coming public spending cuts.

I appreciate that I was supposed to revel in the cut and thrust of the economic arguments, but I am afraid I became distracted by the suspicious colour of Osborne's hair: had he been at the Grecian 2000? And why was his jacket buttoned up so tightly?

Once upon a time

Like so many other topics, they will talk about it occasionally but they never seem to get round to actually doing anything. Thus The Observer has a bi-annual bleat about the hour change:

Plans to change the clocks to give another hour of daylight throughout the year are being advanced by Labour and the Conservatives. Both parties believe it would result in reduced energy consumption, fewer accidents and generally improved health.

The paper is also careful to avoid mentioning the real reason for a permanent spring forward, namely to bring us into line with western Europe.

Me, I'm not much fussed either way; but then I don't have to go to school or feed the cows in the dark.

It's not only smoke that gets in your eyes

When I read about this in The Guardian, I simply didn't believe it. But The Telegraph has the same story:

From January 1 next year, any cigarette longer than 8cm – excluding the tip – will be treated as another cigarette and have extra duty slapped imposed on it. For each additional 3cm, or part thereof, it will be treated as yet another cigarette.

Like any other smoker would, I immediately got out a tape measure. Although my fags are longer than usual (Dunhill International you know), the business bit measures slightly less than 7 cm, so phew!

But what a strange way to go about penalising smokers. They must have twisted minds in HMRC.

Sometimes I make things up

Sunday 9 May 2010

How Labour won a 40 seat overall majority (although it was really the Tories that lost it).

Darling's successful and subsequently much-praised budget set the tone for the election campaign. Above all. it restored the faith of Labour MPs and activists that the election was actually winnable. And it was helped by the fact that the following day the Tory lead in the polls had declined to two percentage points (according to The Sun, of all papers).

We should have expected the Tories to panic - and panic they did. By the end of that week the backbenchers were up in arms, somewhat illogically blaming both Coulson and Hilton, as well as the rest of the Cameron clique, for failing to consult the party. After a stand-up shouting match between Coulson and Liam Fox, Cameron felt obliged to let Coulson go. But murmurs of disloyalty persisted, with the total absence of any mention of Europe in the Tory manifesto further stirring the pot.

It was the week after the budget, just before Easter, that Osborne dropped his clanger. In an interview with Newsnight on the Tories' economic plans. he managed to convey the impression that universal welfare benefits, notably child benefit and pensioners' winter fuel allowances, might be withdrawn from the middle classes. It was never entirely clear what Georgie-Porgie meant and, although he subsequently with increasing desperation sought to row back from his gaffe, within hours the clip was up on YouTube and the blogosphere was in a ferment. The press picked up the story and Labour milked it for all it was worth. Labour now had a two point lead in the polls.

It was at this stage that Rupert Murdoch intervened. Never a man to back a loser (and by now the Tories were self-combusting), Rupe ordered The Sun and The Times to switch their allegiance from Tory to Labour.

The final straw was laid on the camel's back during the leaders' TV debate on economic matters. All those years at the Treasury enabled Brown coolly and cruelly to expose Cameron's utter ignorance of matters financial. Worse, the goading and the grinding into the dust caused Cameron to lose his temper; after 40 minutes, red-faced and spluttering, he walked off the set.

After that, it was plain sailing for Labour. They held on to more than enough of their marginal seats, as did also the LibDems, leaving the Tories condemned to the wilderness for another five years.

And the SNP? No net gains, no net losses. Salmond's vision of 20 seats and Westminster dancing to a Scottish jig vanished like snow off a dyke.

Silvio is losing it

I have to admit that politics in this country can be less than exciting (not least when facing yet another First Minister's Questions in the Scottish Parliament). How refreshing, therefore, to see that our Italian confreres know of no bounds when it comes to going over the top. Consider the following exchange, reported in The Independent:

And so the Prime Minister has gone on the offensive. His tirades against a judiciary and a media he believes to be pursuing a personal vendetta against him have the familiarity of a broken record. But eyebrows were raised in Turin on Tuesday night, when he opened both barrels on Mercedes Bresso, the bespectacled, centre-left governor of the northern Piemonte region.

"You know why Bresso is always in a bad mood?" the 73-year-old chortled. "Because in the morning when she gets up, she looks at herself in the mirror to put her make-up on – and sees herself. And so her day is already ruined."

Ms Bresso, 65, hit back immediately at the permatanned leader, who has admitted to succumbing to the plastic surgeon's knife. "I'm always in a good mood. And regarding make up, I don't use much; I don't need it as much as Berlusconi. I'm young, in good shape and haven't had a facelift."

Extraordinary. Impossible to imagine Brown or Salmond saying anything similar to il cavaliere.

(At least, not in public ...)

A budget for marking time

So there you are. Steady as she goes. No boat rocking before 6 May. The odd smartie tossed - somewhat negligently, it should be said - in the direction of those who might put their crosses in the right box. A gentle kick in the goulies of those beyond the pale. Civil servants once again cursed with finding (or not finding) so-called efficiency savings.

But nothing on the biggie, where the serious cuts in 2011 et seq will fall. Trident? Aircraft carriers? Welfare benefits? High speed rail lines? Nor is there anything on the tax increases for the same period, but you can put your shirt on an increase in VAT. All this will be resolved in future budgets and spending reviews.

So full steam ahead for the election. As they say, bring it on!

This is getting silly

Let us, if we must, criticise the Chancellor for what he has done; if his forecasts are over-optimistic, then by all means take him to task. But it seems a trifle excessive to criticise him for the forecasts he might announce later today, when we do not yet know what those forecasts will be. The Independent reports:

The growth forecasts in Alistair Darling's Budget today could prove too optimistic, according to independent research carried out for MPs. The gap means that Labour could fail to achieve its goal to halve the huge deficit in the public finances in four years without raising taxes or making deeper spending cuts than it plans.

In his eve-of-election Budget, the Chancellor is expected to confirm his previous forecast that the economy will grow by 2 per cent in the financial year starting next month.

And so, the expectations of others are nowadays sufficient provocation for condemnation. I might thus expect the Chancellor to double the duty on beer and excoriate him for his wanton negligence of the pleasures of the working man. But building castles in the air rarely provides a secure foundation for the public house of the future. Let us wait and see.

Music of the week

One of the sad things about growing older is that more and more people keep dying on you. This week saw the passing of Lesley Duncan, one of the great unrecognised singer-songwriters of the 1960s and 1970s. I bought the Sing Children Sing LP in 1971 or 1972 and for many years it was one of my most treasured albums; I have it still, scratched and battered as it sits in my bookcase, a minor monument to an obsolete technology. I never met the lady but for so long she was part of my life; if we had met, I'm sure I would have liked her. She seemed more real than the usual pop singers, but I suppose most fans feel the same about their idols. Anyway, here she is:

Unvarnished truth of the week

Tina Fey tells it like it is (from The Independent here) in relation to plastic surgery:

"You've got a simple choice, girls," she said this week. "Either look old or look creepy. That's it."

Too right.

This has put a damper on Friday

I'm not happy. And a lot of other "elderly people" will not be happy. The Scotsman reports:

ELDERLY people may have to pay to use Edinburgh's trams despite previous assurances that the scheme that offers pensioners free bus travel around the country would include the city's flagship new transport project.

Council leaders have admitted they do not yet know whether the £545 million project will become part of the Scottish Government's concessionary fares scheme when the trams are ready to run.

So it's the fault of the First Minister and his chums. Well, they better wake up to who does the voting in this country - it's not generation X or Y, it is we silver seniors; and we'll not take kindly to being asked to pay on the trams.

Some of us manage without a car at all

I saw this headline in The Indie:

For sale: One's very best Daimler
The Queen's personal motor, modified to cater for her handbag and corgies is on the market

and thought: gee, the public spending cuts are going further than I thought they would.

But then I read on:

Buckingham Palace declined to comment on the latest departure from its car pool, which still includes eight state limousines (two Bentleys, three Rolls-Royces and three Daimlers), several Volkswagen people carriers and a London taxi fuelled by LPG (liquefied petroleum gas).

And I thought: Does Her Maj really need all these motors? At most she and the kiltie greek can only use two at a time. But then what's the point of being a monarch if you can't splash out on an extra roller or three ...

Poem of the day

Achilles, by Carol Ann Duffy

Myth's river — where his mother dipped him, fished him, a slippery golden boy flowed on, his name on its lips.
Without him, it was prophesied, they would not take Troy.
Women hid him, concealed him in girls' sarongs; days of sweetmeats, spices, silver songs...
But when Odysseus came, with an athlete's build, a sword and a shield, he followed him to the battlefield, the crowd's roar,
And it was sport, not war, his charmed foot on the ball... But then his heel, his heel, his heel...

(But it doesnae rhyme ...)

Hollowed out

What is shocking about this story is not the imposition of an all-women shortlist nor the selection of a young parliamentary researcher as candidate. It is the fact that the Airdrie and Shotts constituency labour party, as close to labour heartlands as possible, has no more than 160 party members.

The next chancellor?

Slasher Osborne puts on his Mr Angry face:

He's as bad an actor as Tom Cruise. Apart from his Mr Angry face, he has a Mr Happy face; like Tom, the rest of the time he just looks a complete berk ...

SNP - cause to nurse its wrath

Oh dear, Fat Eck will not be pleased. Once again, the SNP plays the role of Cinders, not invited to the ball. The Times reports:

Lord Mandelson is to go head-to-head with Ken Clarke in a live televised battle over the state of British business, as part of a series of debates between the Cabinet candidates from the three main parties.
The BBC will screen nine “Cabinet Contender” debates, in which Labour ministers will take on their Shadow counterparts, as a supplement to the three party leader debates between Gordon Brown, David Cameron and Nick Clegg that will be shown by the BBC, Sky and ITV.

Will anyone watch? Probably not but that's not the point.

Tram wires cross northern skies ...

For those of you obsessed with the introductory music on the current Wallander series, the artiste is Emily Barker, the song is Nostalgia, and the album is Despite the Snow.

Quality television

Nice to see that Shaun the Sheep is back.

Lost in cynicism

Don't you wish that - just for once - the Labour Party would seek to do something because it was the right thing to do? Instead, The Guardian reveals the underlying tactical considerations:

Ministers are working on proposals to transform the House of Lords into a democratically elected second chamber based loosely on the US
Senate.
...
The justice secretary, Jack Straw, will publish his proposals in a draft bill before the election and these will feature prominently in Labour's manifesto. Labour strategists hope that it will create a new dividing line with the Tories, allowing them to portray the Conservatives as being anti-reform.

For if the justification for a proposal is primarily tactical, then why believe that the proposal will be implemented when, after the election, the need for tactical considerations is diminished? Furthermore, the party leaders appear to be blissfully unaware that setting up dividing lines is unlikely to commend the Party to the electorate; they do not even pretend that doing right is a justification in itself.

Vultures

The Tories are still the nasty party. The Independent reports:

A landmark move to protect the world's poorest countries from debt sharks was blocked yesterday by a single Conservative MP during extraordinary scenes in the House of Commons.
"Vulture fund" investment companies buy up defaulted third world debt and sue for immediate repayment. The Debt Relief (Developing Countries) Bill was designed to curb their activities, ensuring that creditors cannot pursue debt repayment beyond the level assessed as fair and sustainable by the World Bank. Liberia lost a £20m lawsuit against two vulture funds in a London court late last year.

Stupid as well as nasty. And the Tories still wonder why they have not "sealed the deal" with the electorate. We will no doubt find out in due course that the MP concerned is in bed with a vulture fund.

Bring back the peseta!

Just when I'm about to spend a month or two in Spain, the pound crashes against the euro:

Source: here

Criminals vote Tory

It can't be easy to write a brief essay on four or five days of the week and keep it entertaining and relevant. Which is why I admire the sketch writers, Treneman for example:

Labour unleashed its attack dogs on the subject of crime yesterday and so I fear this is a “man bites man” story. It has made me realise that we should think about microchipping Alan Johnson. The Home Secretary is dangerous when let loose.
The man that Alan bit was Dave. The occasion was the unveiling of Labour’s latest YouTube effort. As the lights dimmed, the only real dog in the room, a guide dog who is actually named Chip, closed his eyes and began to dream of a world in which dogs kept men on leads.

Well worth reading the whole thing.

Quote of the day

Iain McMillan of the CBI (here):

Iain McMillan, Director of the CBI in Scotland, said he was appalled by the behaviour of the MSPs. He said: “The Scottish Parliament is the seat of democracy. There is a duty on the members of parliament to make every effort to keep the parliament open and to conduct the business they are supposed to do. If they don’t turn up, they risk aiding and abetting this kind of militant behaviour throughout the civil service.”

He's easily appalled then. Since when did an official picket constitute "militant behaviour"? If he cannot keep out of matters in which he has no role to play, he should save his criticisms for the Westminster government which is unilaterally tearing up future redundancy contracts for public servants.

A contrarian writes ...

I was going to post something about the proposal to shut down 6music, but I thought that I should perhaps listen to it for a few days, so that I knew what I was about to condemn.

But now I find that I quite enjoy the station. The music is good and the DJs are not up themselves to the same extent as Chris Evans and Steve Wright (and the execrable Jeremy Vine). So long live radio 6music.

If the BBC needs to save the pennies, it could get rid of the BBC3 tv channel. Programmes such as Snog, marry, avoid and Hotter than my daughter are hardly adornments to the Reithian mission.

Military intelligence is an oxymoron

How novel, how delightful, how deadly:

They are a secret tribal militia, the controversial creation of US commanders in Afghanistan eager to buttress local opposition to the Taliban. So clandestine are the units formed to protect villages in a critical valley in southern Afghanistan that US officials and special forces commanders in Kabul refuse to discuss them.
But the Guardian has learned that in one important regard, the Local Defence Initiative forces are not so secretive after all. As they patrol villages close to the key southern city of Kandahar, the fighters are being forced to wear bright yellow reflector belts so that their special forces mentors do not mistake them for Taliban.

Alternatively, you could paint a target on their chests and get them to carry a sign saying "We are working for the Americans".

Music of the week

How can you not love someone called Vonda?

Over-egging the pudding

The Herald, never knowingly under-panicked, dwells upon the gloomy side:

The Scottish Parliament will be plunged into chaos today as staff go on strike for the first time as part of industrial action involving 270,000 civil and public servants across the UK.

Oh dear, oh dear; chaos is it? The world coming to an end? The country ungoverned?

Maybe not. Parliament doesn't really work on Mondays at the best of times, at least not as far as the MSPs are concerned, so no real chaos there. As for Tuesday:

Staff working in every area of the Scottish Parliament at Holyrood, from security guards to committee clerks, will take part in the strike action. As a result, meetings of the justice and finance committees, usually scheduled for Tuesdays, have been cancelled.

Will anyone outside the hallowed committee rooms notice the resulting chaos? Thought not.

Sportsmen and their hairstyles

1. David James

2. Ryan Sidebottom

3..Bacary Sagna

Cleggy goes over the top

I suppose it's a vote of confidence. The Times reports:

Only early on did the rhetoric threaten to go out of control. He described Tavish Scott, the party’s Scottish leader, a few yards away, as one of the “most dynamic leaders we have had”, an intrepid “Viking” figure, a “whirlwind” figure, a “true people’s politician”. Over the stunned features of Mr Scott, a rich blush spread. He had never heard anything like it.

That makes them both plonkers then ...

An unashamed idiot

This guy is apparently the shadow secretary of state for education. The Times reports:

“I’m an unashamed traditionalist when it comes to the curriculum,” Mr Gove said. “Most parents would rather their children had a traditional education, with children sitting in rows, learning the kings and queens of England, the great works of literature, proper mental arithmetic, algebra by the age of 11, modern foreign languages. That’s the best training of the mind and that’s how children will be able to compete.”

Mr Gove was not born until 1967. Accordingly, he missed the traditionalist education which we children of the 1940s and 1950s suffered. Otherwise, he might have known about the deadening hand of excessive regimentation and the hatred of traditional history and traditional maths fostered by the system of learning by rote. No doubt he eould like to bring back the tawse (although he dare not admit it).

Do the Tories deserve to form the next government? (That's a rhetorical question, by the way.)

Did Chilcot let him off the hook?

Is this clash of views inexplicable? I don't think so. The Guardian reports:

In four hours of testimony shorn of the electricity surrounding Blair's grilling a month ago, he also risked the wrath of military top brass and bereaved families by firmly rejecting criticism that he deprived the armed forces of equipment. "The one fundamental truth", he said, was "that every requirement made to us by military commanders was answered; no request was ever turned down".
Former senior military figures took issue last night with those comments. Admiral Lord Boyce, the chief of the defence staff up to the beginning of the invasion of Iraq in 2003, said that the MoD had been "starved of funds". "He's dissembling, he's being disingenuous. It's just not the case that the Ministry of Defence was given everything it needed," he told The Times.
Colonel Stuart Tootal, a former commander of 3rd Battalion, The Parachute Regiment, said: "I am quite staggered by the lack of any sense of responsibility. He was the man with the purse strings."

The point to bear in mind is that the extra costs attributable to the Iraq war (and subsequently to Afghanistan) were financed from the Contingency Fund and not from the Ministry of Defence's regular financial allocation. Mr Brown and the Treasury may well have approved the extra costs demanded under the former arrangements (although it should also be remembered that military supplies cannot be picked off the trees - additional helicopters and armoured vehicles, even body armour, take time to arrive). At the same time, they kept the regular financial allocation to MoD firmly screwed down. It is thus possible for Mr Brown to argue that "no request [for extra war equipment] was ever turned down", while the military chiefs argue that they were short of resources.

Unfortunately, neither the Chilcot Committee nor the commentators, still less the military top brass, appear to have grasped these distinctions. Was Brown dissembling? Well, he was not entirely frank, let us say. But nobody on Chilcot put him on the spot.

Fairness for all?

MPs to get 1.5% pay rise.

Hey, 1.5% is no big deal. A measly extra £1000 a year. And it's the least we deserve after all. It's not all jolly trips abroad, you know. Apart from our duties in the House, we are at the beck and call of constituents. So apart from the usual skiing week in February and the three weeks in the West Indies in August, it's work, work, work.

And don't tell me about how other public servants will get less or even nothing at all. These are little people motivated solely by envy and, anyway, who cares what a teaching assistant or a dinner lady might think or, even less, what they might receive by way of remuneration. The yobbos of Unison and Unite will complain - let them.

You have to understand: MPs are special; we are different; the rules don't apply to us.

Guilty as charged

When I was a bit younger, record players used to have a facility known as a graphic sound equaliser. I never really understood them and, after some initial twiddling about, ignored them. The same applied to woofers and tweeters.

Today, my washing machine has twelve settings, as well as various options such as 'rinse hold' (which I think I understand). Nevertheless, I only ever use one setting: it makes the clothes clean and does not cause the colours to run from deep colours to my whites. What else does one need from a washing machine?

I dare not buy the modern equivalent of a video recorder - far too complex for a simpleton like me.

But still they complain. The Independent reports:

The nationwide poll of 3,000 people revealed although consumers made the most of their traditional electrics - such as microwaves and washing machines - half the functions on their higher-tech gadgets were left idle.
Expensive new high-definition (HD) TVs proved particularly costly, with nearly half (47%) of those surveyed unaware an HD TV needs to be connected to an HD set-top box to see the benefits. Two per cent even believed you needed to be born with HD Ready eyesight to watch the new format.

Ha ha, very funny, you techie types can be patronising bastards.

Well sorry I bought your stupid machines. Who needs all these fancy functions anyway? And if you didn't make them so complicated, I might understand them.

(Editor: Reading the instructions might help.)

Naturewatch

Spring is sprung, the grass is ris

I wonder where dem boidies is.

They sure ain't feasting on midgies which are perishing by the billions.

Perhaps they are tucking into earthworms and sludge worms (don't ask), mites and ticks as these are apparently plentiful.

Hey, don't ask me, I'm a city lad = pigeons and seagulls form the avian population down my way.

Quote of the day

Lucy tells it like it was:

OMG! Right, so this bloke wrote this book saying that the prime minister like totally dissed his mate Alistair who's supposed to like look after all the country's money, yeah? And then Alistair said that this was, like, totally true. And it was because the prime minister wanted everyone to be all, like, "Oh, everything's brilliant, couldn't be better, I'm really happy and so is everyone else!, yeah?" But then Alistair went and told this newspaper that actually Britain's economy was, like, well bad, you know and the PM just went totally mental and everything and tried to take his job off him and give it to his other friend but Alistair was like, you just try it and I'll totally walk away from everything so he let him stay. So now Alistair thinks he can just say whatever he likes.

I think it is all well stupid.

Indeed.

Lazy thinking

The Guardian reports:

An iceberg the size of Luxembourg that contains enough fresh water to supply a third of the world's population for a year has broken off in the Antarctic continent ...

Likewise The Times (here), The Independent (here), The Sun (here) and The Daily Mail (here) all use the same Luxembourg analogy.

Why Luxembourg? Who in this world has any idea of what size Luxembourg is? I don't and I've actually been there.

Nice photo though.

Scunnered

Dateline 2012, SNP headquarters

It was all Salmond's fault of course. Instead of introducing the referendum bill in January 2010 as originally proposed, he had to play silly buggers by setting up a second consultation period in February 2010. As a result, the Scottish Government did not get around to introducing the referendum bill until June 2010. And although, to the amazement of the political pundits, it managed to survive its committee stage, it did not emerge from parliament as an act until January 2011. All that business of setting up the new electoral commission and the appointment of counting officers, as well as printing the ballot papers and arranging the accommodation, meant that there was no prospect of holding the referendum for at least 6 months after the bill became an act. When the SNP were crushed in the May 2011 general election, the new Labour administration - with the support of the other unionist parties - wasted no time in repealing the referendum act.

So there we are. Stuffed. We had a chance. But we turned down the first opportunity in 300 years of allowing the Scottish population to vote for independence. And for what? So Alex could play political games? And who knows when the next opportunity will come along. Given the current state of the parties, we can forget about the 2015 election. As in 2011, who would believe our promises?

Looking for the mot juste

Is this a successful simile in relation to our esteemed First Minister?

...bring it on, roared Eck, who was in his element now, soaring like a corpulent eagle above Labour’s cliff of seagulls and dropping constitutional excreta into the open mouths of the squawking creatures below.

Can a corpulent eagle soar? And, in recent months, has our Eck not given up soaring in favour of hedge-clipping?

Techie stuff

I grow tired of this. The Independent reports:

Virgin Media yesterday outlined plans to bring superfast broadband speeds of 100Mb to 12.6 million UK homes by the end of next year. The move was backed by both Labour and the Conservatives in what has become a hotly contested political issue in the run-up to the general election.

They can plan as much as they like, but I'm not going to get anywhere near 100Mb through the copper wires that constitute the telephone line that leads up to my top flat.

Nor is it simply a question of replacing the wire with fibre optic cable. It is some ten years ago that the cable tv companies installed cable in the street below. But as I live in a conservation area, they have yet to discover the means of replacing the copper wire with fibre optics without tearing the stair apart. The last time I enquired, they had no plans to do so.

So I am stuck with relatively slow broadband. Too bad, but I still wouldn't live anywhere else.

First thoughts

Look, I know it's tedious but do try to concentrate. And I accept that there is little chance that it will ever happen. But there is one little point of interest: it's all to do with the fact that the proposed two questions are not mutually exclusive.

As far as I understand what is proposed, the Scottish Government's new proposals involve a two-question referendum. The first question would ask for a yes or no to increased devolution (either of the Calman variety or of devolution max, but not both - the choice of option has yet to be determined); the second question would ask for a yes or no to full independence.

There's a sneaky little sentence on the ballot paper for the second question. It is this:

The Scottish Government proposes that, in addition to the extension of the powers and responsibilities of the Scottish Parliament set out in proposal 1, the Parliament's powers should also be extended to enable independence to be achieved.

I interpret this to mean that, regardless of how many voters opt for increased devolution, a simple majority on the second question (independence) would be seen as empowering the authorities to proceed towards independence. If 95% of the voters were to opt for increased devolution and 51% for independence, it is the latter which would take precedence. In other words, the option of increased devolution would only come into play if the independence option were turned down.

Does that seem fair? The Scottish Government would feel entitled to ignore the option favoured by most of the voters and proceed on a less popular course of action (assuming always that the latter option exceeded 50%)?

None of this is made clear in the associated papers, so perhaps I have it wrong. But I don't think so. No doubt those of my interlocutors who take a different view will correct me.

The non-denial denial

At question time yesterday, in answer to Cameron's probing on "the forces from hell", and continuing the line he has taken since the story broke, the Prime Minister said:

"I never instructed a briefing against the Chancellor."

But what if one of his attack dogs asked if he could give the Chancellor a kicking and the Prime Minister did not demur. Is that "instructing a briefing"? Probably not.

Or suppose the Prime Minister said in the presence of his afore-mentioned attack dogs that someone should take the Chancellor down a peg or two. Is that "instructing a briefing"? Probably not.

Cameron was obviously conscious of these distinctions, asking at one point:

Will the Prime Minister get to his feet and tell us that he knew absolutely nothing about the briefing against his Chancellor?

but, typically, he failed to press his attack home.

Those were the days

Captain Morgan or Bacardi? A false dichotomy.

Whenever I have been in the Caribbean (which has been regrettably seldom in recent years), I have favoured Havana Club - made in Cuba, the real home of rum - as the basis for my mojito.

Buenas suertes, amigos!

You couldn't make it up

A nationalised bank (RBS) makes a loss of about £3,600,000,000. Nevertheless, it proposes to pay 22,000 of its staff bonuses totalling £1,300,000,000, an average of about £60,000 per individual.

UKFI, the body established by the government to supervise the banks, is able to veto any bonuses payable by RBS. On this occasion, presumably with the agreement of HM Treasury, it chooses not to do so.

Why? Apparently, some of the investment bankers might seek their fortunes elsewhere. Are these masters of the universe, the guys who contributed so mightily to RBS' troubles, so good that the prospect of losing them (and where would they go anyway?) has the effect of forcing the bank to pay out £1.3 billion?

Pass the sick bag, Alice.

Music of the week

Happy birthday Denis

Denis Law is 70 today.

Don't that make you feel old?

Footballing neologisms

This season's fashion:

"to work the goalkeeper" - to force the goalkeeper to make a save.

(You didn't know that to work was a transitive verb? Well you learn something every day.)

"to put one's foot through the ball" - to have a shot at goal.

(No, it does not mean that the ball has burst.)


Now obsolescent (perhaps even obsolete):

"to have a great engine" - said of a player able to run up and down the field for the entire game (invariably to no great effect).

Oh Eric - what have you done?

Why would you do it? How could you do it? Turn down £2.3 million, I mean. There go the extra Lamborghini and the villa in the Bahamas.

And yes I know that some of your peers have done likewise. And yes the amount would be substantially diminished by income tax. And it was shares rather than cash. And you will continue to be handsomely remunerated, beyond the wildest dreams of we peasants. But still ...

I can only suppose that it illustrates the different world in which the top bankers live. To accept a bonus of £2.3 million might arouse envy, even fury, on the part of your fellow citizens; but we can understand it. Wouldn't we all like to be in that position? But to turn it down evokes only incomprehension - how can you be so rich that a couple of million plus can be tossed aside so lightly?

And the crucial questions: how did you tell your wife and what did she say?

The raging paranoid?

So the Prime Minister may sometimes be grumpy. He gets upset. He shouts and swears at the prima donnas of the No 10 staff. He throws papers and mobile phones about. Sometimes, he appears to threaten violence (although nobody is suggesting that he has actually thumped anyone). In short, he may not be a very nice person. Not the kind of boss you'd prefer if you had a choice.

But what's new? Where's the smoking gun? Is this a game-changing development? I rather doubt it.

I don't suppose that Alex Salmond is entirely angelic and forgiving when it comes to dealing with his staff. And Mrs Thatcher was renowned for treating her cabinet as the vegetables some of them undoubtedly were. Perhaps you prefer the sleekit approach of a Tony Blair who devolved his disciplinary duties to the thuggish Campbells of this world. Cameron? It remains to be seen, but Tories who get on his wrong side are already living to regret it.

You don't get to the top of the greasy political pole by being a nice guy.

Move along now.

Gone to valhalla in the sky

So farewell Al Haig, the cold war warrior's champion. Maybe you were not quite as frightening as you were painted - Dr Strangelove you were not. But it was terrifying enough to think that your finger was anywhere near the nuclear trigger.

(We used to worry about these sort of things in those days.)

Sloganising

"A future fair for all"

A touch of alliteration - perhaps a bit hackneyed but probably excusable in this context.

But should there not be some punctuation between "future" and "fair"; a semi-colon perhaps? Otherwise, it may imply that we are all going to a funfair at some future point in time.

Does it mean anything? How can the future be fair for all, while some of us will continue to have to scrimp and save in order to keep our heads above the incoming economic tides while others are permitted to retain their seven figure bonuses? And all this happened under the Labour watch of the last 12 years and will inevitably continue if they succeed at the general election. For that is the big question - we know that the Tories don't give a toss about fairness. Does Labour?

Winter Games

I have always regarded the pastime of sliding down icy hills - whether on sticks or tea trays - as suitable only for children under the age of eleven.

But, in a general spirit of patriotic benificence, I wish this tea tray lady well, even if there are those who would consider her to be daft as a brush.

Same old Tories (part 2)

Does anyone really believe that Davey Cameron watches darts on the telly while pulling on a can of guinness?

Thought not ...

Same old Tories

Cameron may have tried to convey the message that the Tories were human beings but he is constantly being let down by his backbenchers. The Guardian reports:

The veteran Tory MP Sir Nicholas Winterton was under fire tonight after arguing that MPs should be allowed to claim expenses for first-class tickets because standard coaches are for "a totally different type of people". After declaring himself "infuriated" with proposals from the new expenses watchdog to ban payments for first-class tickets during a magazine interview, the MP for Macclesfield told a radio interviewer that people travelling on standard tickets were "in a different walk of life" and their children might disturb an MP's work.

No indication that Winterton has any understanding that he owes his job and his first class ticket to those in cattle class.

Quote of the day

Locked together, the stately minuet continues; the US can't stop borrowing and China can't stop lending. As Heather Stewart in The Guardian points out:

"China is America's paymaster. But at the same time, as the saying goes, if you owe the bank $100, it's your problem; if you owe the bank $100m, it's the bank's problem. The US owes China more than $800bn.

Stability of a sort, I guess.

Gatto in umido a la toscana

Pussy lovers beware. The Italians are after your cats:

As his fellow-presenter, Elisa Isoardi, looked on aghast, the 77-year-old Bigazzi told viewers that, far from being a last resort in times of near-famine, gatto in umido was "one of the great dishes of the Valdarno [in Tuscany]".
The secret, he disclosed, was to leave the cat in a fast-running stream for three days. "What comes out is a delicacy", he enthused. "Many a time I've eaten its white meat."
Isoardi, herself a cat owner, tried to interrupt, but to no avail. Cat in a thick sauce was "better than chicken, rabbit or pigeon", he said.

And no, I don't know where to find the recipe ...

Out of the frying pan ...

Fiona Hyslop, the Minister with the reverse Midas' touch - everything she touches turns to dross. After all her unhappy experiences as education secretary, she might have expected an easier billet at external affairs.

This week, she is visiting Malawi. As the press release states:

As well as visiting projects being undertaken by the Scottish-based non-governmental organisations, whose work the Scottish Government supports, Ms Hyslop will meet Malawian Ministers to reaffirm this Government's commitment to working together on shared priorities.

Uncontroversial, yes? Well no actually. Today's Guardian reveals that Malawi is not necessarily the kind of nation state with which Scotland should be associated:

Police in Malawi have launched an operation to hunt down and arrest high-profile gays and lesbians in the southern African state.
..
Dave Chingwalu, a spokesman for police in Malawi, said a 60-year-old man was arrested yesterday and charged with sodomy. Chingwalu said he received a complaint from a young man that he had been asked to undress by the older man and was then sodomised. Police investigations had uncovered a network of high-profile people involved homosexual acts, investigations were under way "and we will arrest them all", Chingwalu said.

Does the Scottish Government really want to re=affirm its commitment to working together on shared priorities? Will the Scottish Government condemn the illiberal homophobic actions of the Malawi Government? And should not Ms Hyslop be carrying a bell around with her?

These Tory posters

The modern way of making war

Contrary to traditional practice, it is necessary to make clear, well in advance, where it is proposed to attack. When you do attack, do so with overwhelming force - operation Moshtarak involves some 15,000 NATO and Afghan troops, as against less than 1000 Taliban.

This does of course mean that the majority of the Taliban will melt away before the fighting starts, leaving only token resistance (although, unfortunately, there will still be a few casualties). Nevertheless, the allies should be able to achieve their immediate objectives without excessive difficulty, enabling the commanders to make suitable comments to the media about the favourable progress. Furthermore, the media will get lots of pictures of helicopter gunships and soldiers dressed in battlegear.

In the longer term, it may be difficult to hold on to the areas that have been seized. But that can be left to the Afghan troops and the Afghan police. But, by then, the media cameras will have moved on, while the American and British troops will have returned to base. The name of Marjah can once again be consigned to forgotten history.

Because it's appearances that matter, isn't it?

The judgement call

It's a shame really. Unlike real people, politicians simply cannot admit that they have made a mistake, accept a rap on the knuckles and then request that we all move on. For if you concede that you erred, you would have to resign, and then it's cheerio to the Ministerial limo and all the trappings of office.

Mind you, what was the otherwise saintly Nicola thinking of? She was doing so well - my spies in the health department tell me she was one of the more sensible ministers (whereas some of them are completely off the wall) = and would have been unchallengeable as Eck's successor when the country grew tired of the latter's bluster and bombast. To lose it all for a petty fraudster seems such an ignoble outcome.

Quote of the day

Miliband and Johnson (not waving but drowning) in a letter to The Guardian:

"The allegation that our security and intelligence agencies have licence to collude in torture is disgraceful, untrue and one that we vigorously deny."

Tell it to the Appeal Court.

Don't blame the Germans ...

... at least not entirely. As The Guardian reports:

The conservative Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, a supporter of the Merkel centre-right coalition, put it like this on its frontpage: "The Greeks are taking to the streets to protest against raising the retirement age from 61 to 63. Are the Germans now supposed to work until 69 and not 67 so the Greeks can enjoy early retirement?"

And do we really want the Germans to provide Greece (and Portugal, Spain and Italy) with financial loans and guarantees if that means their economies being run from Berlin? While Rumpy-Pumpy, Barroso and Sarkozy run about like headless chickens, it is perhaps just as well that Angie is the coolest head on the block.

The story goes on.

Unanswerable questions (part 28)

Why am I unable to read the reports by the British media about the financial problems of the Greeks (and the other PIGS) without harbouring a deep suspicion that those media are desperate, utterly mind-numbingly desperate, to see the euro fail?

Playing games

Hey, it's no big deal. The Independent reports:

Gordon Brown is braced for a Labour rebellion today against moves to scrap the first-past-the-post voting system.
...
As many as 40 Labour MPs are understood to oppose strongly Mr Brown's belief that first-past-the-post should be replaced by the alternative vote (AV), under which candidates are ranked in order of preference.

Even if it were to go through before the election (which is a fairly big if), it would only lead to a referendum in October 2011 (provided an incoming Tory Government did not kill it off altogether). In any case, the introduction of AV would only have a marginal effect on the number of seats changing hands.

Furthermore, there is considerable doubt as to whether Gordon Brown cares about AV. Arguably, he is more interested in cosying up to the LibDems and making the Tories look obstructionist. Would he actually hold the proposed referendum? Chances are that we'll never know.

Cynical? You bet!

More pedantry

Oliver Kamm appears to think that Jim Devine might (or perhaps should) know the difference between "refute" and "deny".

As if ...

Of plasma tvs and sofas, and shooting pals doing up flats

Is that it then? The Westminster Four (plus maybe one or two more) have to face the music, having been caught, allegedly, bang to rights. But what about the rest of them?

Take this guy for example. Is he treading a very fine line or is he a highland dancer? But despite claiming over £84,000 over four years, he appears to have got away it by repaying a relatively modest £5181.56. No further action appears to be contemplated.

Here is another one. His apparently clean bill of healthy cost him the measly repayment of £766.92. Again, no further action appears to be contemplated.

Do they deserve to be re-elected in the general election? That is a matter for their constituents. I have to be careful what I say.

How stupid can you get?

Keep your mouth shut, Jim! Stop digging holes. Don't you have legal counsel? The Scotsman reports:

SCOTTISH MP Jim Devine has admitted submitting false receipts for a stationery claim of £5,500 that will see him brought before a court on criminal charges.
He stands accused of using fake invoices to claim £3,240 for cleaning services in his second home between July 2008 and April 2009, as well as £5,500 for office stationery claimed last March.The Labour MP for Livingston, who has already been deselected by his party, denies the two charges against him.
But last night, in an interview with Channel 4 News, he accepted the receipts he submitted for stationery were bogus and that the money was intended to help pay for staffing costs.

There was a time when MPs were expected to have a modicum of common sense.

The evil drink

The New York Times, of all the world's newspapers, has discovered Buckie (not to mention Coatbridge):

COATBRIDGE, Scotland — What is it about Buckfast Tonic Wine that makes it so alluring to consumers and yet so repulsive to politicians?
Perhaps it is its special caffeine-and-sweet-wine recipe, which allows overly enthusiastic consumers to be tipsy and bouncy at the same time. Perhaps it is its array of snappy nicknames, including “Wreck the Hoose Juice” — hoose being a Scottish pronunciation of house — or its exotic provenance as the product of wine-making Benedictine monks at an abbey in England.
Whatever the cause, Buckfast has emerged as a symbol of Scotland’s entrenched drinking problems at a time when it is urgently debating how to address them. “For a large section of the Scottish population, their relationship with alcohol is damaging and harmful — to individuals, families, communities and to Scotland as a nation,” the Scottish government said in a recent report.

New danger

Sensible Tesco (here):

Christine Cuddihy, 24, was stunned to be asked for ID at the Tesco till before being allowed to buy the 51p snack.
‘The girl told me, “You don’t look over 21. I need to see some proof of age”,’ she said. ‘I told her I was certain the proof of age laws do not apply to quiche but she said, “We have to be really strict now and this applies to quiche bought over the counter”.

Dangerous things, quiches. Addictive, depressing, eggy. And real men don't eat them, of course.

A sudden fit of morality

I confess that I do not understand all this fuss about an English footballer's affair with an underwear model. Is that not what modern footballers do, along with wasting their easy-earned pennies on swish cars and inappropriate mansions?

It's not as though similar sinners in other trades and professions are immediately cast into the pit of outer darkness. Neither John Major nor Robin Cook suffered undue opprobrium (amazement yes); while Antonia Fraser appears to boast about it. And that judge that had it away with his cleaner is still, as far as I am aware, a judge. Even journalists have been known to play away from home, but that does not prevent them from subsequently becoming Mayor of London.

All very curious ...